I'm happy now...
Day 26#
This song was playing on the radio earlier, and I bought the album a few months back and loved it. It came to me at a most vulnerable and lonely time, and at the time my favourite two albums wouln’t help with lifting my spirits. I was gloomy underneath with a smile on my face. I remember saying everything at that time was ‘Okay!’ but it wasn’t. I felt numb, alone and totally rejected in a way I never thought possible. The two albums I would listen to were a mixture of sounds that accompanied any mood, especially as one compilation had a song from two of my favourite films Practical Magic and Eat, Pray Love – Marvin Gaye (under Robyn).
At night I like to make it a habit, to listen to music to get me off to dream land after a very busy day otherwise I find I can’t sleep very well. But the most painful nights, I’d listen to nothing, and wake up during the night to see if my phone had any messages to take my mind of things. Every time a song would play from one album my heart would ache, and I found I couldn’t listen to a particular artist either and to this day I still can’t smile to the familiar French Canadian brunette.
At the time I had started the Lojong teachings and pairing them with the words of Pema Chodron, so in a way I knew I shouldn’t have expected anything, but I just wanted to peek into that false future. I switched to Robyn a few days later and then her new album was becoming more popular by the day. I fell in love with this track as it took me back to that sad moment, but in a peaceful way. I can look back and thank that person for showing me that I shouldn’t give up so easily. I#ll talk more about my ‘personal-lack-of-a-love-life’ some time, but for now, just know I’m a student at life and social skills.
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