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Alternative Witch | Liber Oz Love

42. …So with thy all; thou hast no right but to do thy will.
43. Do that, and no other shall say nay.
44. For pure will, unassuaged of purpose, delivered from the lust of result, is every way perfect.

Liber AL 1:42-44

I’m growing up! Or at least my memory is finally kicking into gear with my Thelema studies. Yay me! If there are any particular areas I expect people to keep an eye on when studying, its Liber Oz and Liber AL vel Legis. I don’t think you have to be a Thelemite as such to study and accept them. Most people who practice a form of Western esotericism and understand many of the philosophies, ideologies and practices are probably Thelemites and don’t even know it! That will be another video or post!

Liber Oz is a declaration; a solidified form of belief in oneself and a set of maxims from The Book of the Law. Live by these simple statements and see your world view change. Or at least, my world view has changed. I have recently been reading Liber Oz again, and making similar comparisons with the Blue Equinox. Not only have I started to look at magick and my life, from the point of view of the sun, but I know I must do something with myself to elevate from Malkuth up to God head. I feel like I have a purpose to fulfil; I’m not sure what just yet, but I’m going in the right direction. Everything just falls into place, the way things are supposed to. I guess, I knew things would work out, but my anxieties kept holding me back. My ego held me back also, and now I know I’m on the right track I need only to stand tall and keep my back bone rigid.

I had the intention to talk about how bad experiences within the pagan community have lead me to be the strong individual I am now, but I thought I would take a noble route instead. Have you ever sat and evaluated your life, looking for answers as to why certain folks treat you badly, knowing you haven’t done anything wrong? When you look at your life and see all the wonderful, and the bad things that have happened you suddenly realise your intelligence intimidates people. Ultimately, its their problem with you. I must say, giggling as I do, I am actually taking pride knowing I have ambition and I am actually doing something about it. Finally!

Unfortunately one area I can’t change is my skin colour. For the first time in a long time I have come across a pagan path that does not allow racism. According to Liber Oz, every man should have an opinion, and feel free to express it, but if you read between the lines it clearly states that you shouldn’t be a douche: “Every man and every woman is a star.” Regardless of colour, creed or root. (Somehow those are pretty much the same words…). On more than one occasion I have received numerous emails and comments on my videos about the fact that I shouldn’t be practising magick (Celtic, Wicca and Norse) because I’m not white enough. At the same time, when looking at me no one would ever know of my multicultural DNA, which unfortunately warrants hate mail from Africans and African Americans for not being African enough. To be honest, I am alive and well so I don’t care. I wasn’t born in the USA or Africa; I was born in the Caribbean and grew up in lower middle class Britain. The funny thing is, no matter how many times people have told me to stop following their paths, I try to listen, but the Gods have other ideas. Let me tell you one short story.

A number of years ago, when I was getting into Wicca and Celtic and Norse mythology, I did a cheeky spell asking any God to come to me and guide me (I have since updated that contact ritual for different deities, spirits and such). I started working with quite a few male deities over the following months. Cernunnos and Pan stayed with me, alongside two others. These two others were Odin and Thor; and to this day I have never told anyone of our antics and lessons. I learnt so much from them all, and thanked them often. I can remember back to when I used to daydream over images of Thor when I was a tiny child at school, so he’s always been part of my active life for as long as forever. It wasn’t until I joined a few pagan networking sites and opened up about my love for the Northern traditions that I was faced with an awful lot of racism and hostility. I quickly learnt to ignore my dreams and hid my runes so I would never open up any more hurt for myself. Something deep down kept urging to me keep the Futhark close, and keep Thor and Odin alive in a secret and small way, otherwise I would experience bad luck. Lo and behold, I ended up having a rough time until began to listen again. Every time I listened to the Gods, and put my trust in them I felt good. I learnt to put trust in myself and stand up for myself. I made the decision early on that I only had myself to rely on, and as much as I love seeing and hearing other peoples views, I have mine and I shouldn’t be afraid to share them. I shall do what I wilt, as long as I uphold the ethical and moral laws that govern the Universe.

As long as I stick to the plan, the message I received from the Gods I’ll be fine. As long as I am taught lessons, blessed and kicked into gear, I won’t let other peoples negativity get to me. To me, Liber Oz is more than a declaration, its the mapping for my True Will (or at least one element of it so far). As long as I stay within the remit of my own philosophies, it won’t matter what colour I am, what ethnicity, nationality, pagan path or gender I am; I am who I am, and according to the Gods, that’s perfect enough.

(Plus, I think its a great page to show teenagers who are dealing with depression, anxiety and peer pressure; but that’s my opinion).

Sy, 93, 93/93, x

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When Quality Dies 2 | I Deleted 50+ Videos

Please read the previous post here before reading this one.

There were 2 more points, but because I tend I to write things straight from the mind, I didn’t write them down before hand. I am a fool, I know this, please do not tell me. *face palm* If I remember what they are, I’ll jot them down before publishing here.

—–

I come to a point in the day when I am reading something quite profound, or watching a documentary where the presenter is repeating what I feel in my heart, word for word. When that happens I just feel a sense of acceptance within. Does that make sense? I mean, more along the lines of knowing that the ideas and concepts I came up with aren’t as far fetched as I thought. There is something stirring in the recesses of my mind, and part of me believes that magickal/occult/spiritual knowledge is most definitely innate. You can’t have these concepts of spirituality, and see their physical patterns/manifestation in nature if the Gods hadn’t given you that ability. Think about Decartes meditation on Gods “Trademark Argument”. If you are unfamiliar here is a super quick run down:

God is a tradesman, a jack of all trades. When he made us, which ever way you believe, he left his trademark on us. And there you have it. To expand, on a occult/witchy level, I believe that mark is our connection to him/her/it. Its our wired modem to the Universe. The only way to boost ourselves, and make that connection fast is to find ourselves and start at the base, at malkuth.

Over time, we will come across trials and harsh lessons, coupled with the wonderful effects of our Will going well. For me, this has been happening for some time. The problem I have is knowing I am pretty much a tiny percent of the pagan population, and thus there aren’t many people to turn to. I wish I could upload videos on the Qabalah, or videos on my fan-dom over writers I love. I wish I could just ask people for advice and help when I need it; but I can’t because I will look like a total fool. When I uploaded the brief video on Kameas, asking for folks to come forward, not many people did. I actually felt crap after a few days. I just kept myself why? What was the point? Ain’t nobody gonna understand you, fool! That’s one video I may delete quite soon too.

The one major thing that has made me stop in my tracks is the fact that I know I am changing, and I have to let go of that old life. The person I was back then is no longer the person I am now, nor who I will be in future. I guess in a way, I am trying to show myself that I am that change. I am being initiated again, as it were. A long while back I was initiated. At first I wasn’t sure but I was excited. I think I may have done a video on it, but I have no idea if it still there or not. When I told a few friends about it, they were the ones who confirmed that it was an initiation; I have gone with the flow since, and have asked my newest friends who also confirmed it.

The person I was, and the person I am becoming will appear more as time goes on. I think that is the reason why the Gods have blessed me with a new name. A while back the word ‘Zenais’ kept popping up in dreams (read the second or third previous post). At first, as I was researching into my HGA (high guardian angel or higher self), I assumed I was supposed to give it that name. That’s the person I will become once I am enlightened fully. I will connect with her. She is my Goddess; I am Goddess; I am Buddha.

Ohmigawd… Just writing that last bit sent chills down my spine! In a good way! I am getting closer!

All of the spiritual paths I have learnt from, and still learning from all form the basis of my spiritual life. They all moulded who I am and I am grateful and thankful beyond belief. These paths will nourish me for the rest of my life. I don’t pick and choose as and when boredom hits, because I have never been bored so far. I have hit a point on a particular path where it no longer tastes good and I will drop it almost immediately, such as Wicca. If I become confused, I have learnt to look at the sutras, BOtL and Ptah Hotep, but I will ask folks for help, if I am lost or lonely. I am just going to focus on myself and how I make an effect on the world.

Like I said before, there is more, but I can’t think straight. I am going to leave it there, but please watch the following videos to get a grasp of where I am coming from. They are yoga videos, all less that 4 minutes long.

Ryan Leier – Yoga Is
Ryan Leier – The Six Poisons
Ryan Leier – The Six Vitamins

Sy, x

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When Quality Dies | I Deleted 50+ Videos

Do you know what it’s like knowing no matter much you want to integrate or become part of the ‘group’, you can’t? There are changes occurring, both spiritual and on a material level. In order for me to get my head around these changes I have done a few things that will ease the lessons I’ll need to grasp. The idea for this post was to detail the magical formulas of L.V.X, I.A.O. and possibly touch on INRI and NOX. However wonderful those formulas and philosophical theories are, therein lies the problem. I won’t explain them well, let alone be able to show you how to operate them as I am still trying to work my way through them. As a few very magickally adept practitioners constantly remind me, I am going through the dark night of the soul. My soul is yearning to meet my higher self, and in doing so exposing my inner, most sensitive core. As you can imagine it is exciting and scary at the same time.

I have so many thoughts swimming around my head. So, so many. I wish I could open a small door to let them fall out. The only way they have gotten out so far is in my new magick Moleskine. Even then, its just a jumble of paragraphs and pages that all have one theme in common: change. Now, my thoughts are still rather convoluted so bare with me as you read this. I have devised a small point list thing to help guide my words. Hopefully it will make sense.

1) The pagan community on YouTube:
Okay, for those of you who know me, especially over the last few years, I am a typical young lady who is no longer a child, but not yet a woman. I am a confused wreck, who seeks comfort and confirmation in order to have a boost of confidence. You all know I am not someone who finds making friends very easy at all. However, when I joined the community back in 07? I made a ton of friends, and then started to vlog in 09. It has been a lovely journey. Meeting and greeting people from all over the world, and forming friendships I could only ever dream of. I met most of my best friends within the community, and I thank the Gods each time I hear from them. Jack, as most of you know has a successful book binding business and I support him all the way. Candace is not only spiritual, creative and hot, she is a wonderful photographer. I could go into a ton of detail concerning many people I love and admire as friends, but that would take a while, but know I love you.

(Do your thing Flora!)

Now, with the good times, you get the bad. I have issues with homelessness, money and depression, which meant I have been away from the YouTube community for an awful long time. But, long before all of that stopped me from vlogging there were cracks within the community. Sadly, some vloggers didn’t say my name in their rant videos, but they described me quite well. There aren’t many London witches in YouTube land, let alone back in 2010. I am someone who is neutral or mostly positive. I like to give advice or ask for help. I stopped doing too many VR’s and stopped my readings. I became overwhelmed with the amount of people wanting things or information rather than making friends. It became a place where some individuals wanted fame and numbers, rather than quality. Speed forward 2 more years and now the themes are, drama, fame, quantity and business. There doesn’t seem to be much quality out there anymore and its getting on my nerves. There are a very small number of vloggers who are there for expression of thought and to make friends, like me and the folks from before 2011. Those are the people I will support continuously because I know they will succeed on a more grounded level, instead of being something they are not.

For the lack of interest in quality, I deleted even more videos. Totalling something like 125 videos that have gone since I first started clearing up months ago. I have a few more I want to delete. Mostly because the personal message I embedded in each one is no longer something I want to share, and partly because I am an academic witch. No one likes a boring know it all who could summon spirits quite easily, instead of casting love spell after love spell, now do they?

2) The Holy Laws and Maxims I adhere to:

I will go into more detail about these sometime. Maybe. Depends on if you want to know.

The main areas I stem insight, balance and practice from are:

♣The Maxims of Ptah-Hotep
♣The Book of the Law
♣The Kybalion (check my Hermeticism series so far to get an idea)

Other areas of interest come from the Wiccan Rede (even though I am not a wiccan), Gestalt prayer (thanks to TheFourQueens and my old yet horrid psychology teacher), 42 Virtues of Ma’at, Yogic sutras and Buddhist sutras. I am sure there are others, but I can’t think of them right now.

For me, life is about living the Middle way. If I see something bad happening I won’t walk away, but neither will I stay. Exempli gratia: the YouTube pagans–I will continue making videos, but I won’t worry about the dramas or quantity. My channel is for me, just like the choices I make I life. I am there for me now, and that suits me quite well.

The other point comes down to my sudden ascension or spiritual growth of some kind? I have found the path I am meant to be on, or at least the path I need to follow for now. I have been pointed to this path for years, and it seems that the Gods have had total control. Its wonderful, fun, bad and crazy. These days, the phrase “To be silent,” couldn’t be more obvious. I am learning things at a pace that is fast and new. I also understand with my many failed attempts at asking for help and receiving none via my vlogs, the lessons I learn are to be kept secret until further notice. At the same time, my Thelemite, occult, witch, yoga and pagan friends have been amazing. These people aren’t in the YouTube pagan community, and you can see why that is refreshing. So far, my confidence has fallen dramatically and now I feel to keep my worries, confusion and wanderings to myself and a small number of these offline folks. Before, I may have uploaded various topics and openly discussed my lessons, but nowadays I am limiting my thesis to my blog, journals and future books.

Basically, I am becoming more alone on this path, partly due to choice and partly because the YouTube pagans make it clear there isn’t much space for thinking outside the circle.

To be continued… As another post.

Sy, x

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