I Like Magick Art; Reading Beneath the Paint

Today’s quotation is from me,

It’s okay not to understand my madness, my path or magick. I don’t expect anyone to. Magick is for the soul; not a group of people trying to use one mouth. Be respectful as I have; you may learn a thing or two about your own lineage or path, like I have. Don’t point out your flaws, unless you are wanting to change your ideas (or grow). I point out my flaws because I crave to learn for myself, otherwise I’ll be chasing my tail forever. ~ Sy Calaelen

“If you have nothing nice to say, don’t say anything at all.”

Hopefully most you heard that old adage as children. Hopefully most of you understood the beauty in that gem. Hopefully most of you won’t have a freak out or start pointing fingers; just sit back, relax and smile.

I am passionate about magick and its liturgy; you know this, as I never shut up about it. I love the beauty of an image that reflects the esoteric secrets the artist was thinking about at the time. When I come across a piece of art, with blatant occult symbols all over it I like to decipher the image for myself. There are tons of images you can search for, that reveal hidden truths. Some of my favourites are part of the Hermetic arts, in which you find pictorial references to the old axiom “As above, so below; so below, as above,” (shortened) of the up facing triangle and its opposite. I have a small reference to an order of Hermeticists tattooed on my wrist with the inescapable XX. I take a great pleasure in finding these pieces as they allow me to delve deep into their secretive keep, right in front of my face.

Aside from the formidable Hermetic art, there is the mysticism found in many other works. I love constantly reading up on the chakras, meditating on them, balancing them, performing mantra with them, but the one image from the Eastern world that has taken a slightly weird seat in the west (due to the influx of watered down New Age mythos and whale music) is the Third Eye, or traditionally known as Ajna (sadly, when you look at modern versions, the Third Eye is always located where the Fifth Eye is located). The Third Eye is known for its connectivity of the mind with the universe, and also a sign of brotherhood, in the sense that the Universe/God has given you and your spiritual brothers and sisters knowledge through that point and the Fifth; but that’s more of a Western esoteric viewpoint.

The image below, is a just an example of the collection of images I have been printing and collecting for my own pagan academics. I love the exquisite detail on her face, the definition of the shadows around her and in the background. The most noticeable imagery on the piece are the horns (what does it mean symbolically to you?) And the Third Eye. Now, don’t get me wrong, I understand a large quantity of pagans out there would see this image and puke, based on the fact that it looks “ugly” (as one person put it), but I also realise a lot of these folks don’t know very much about magick. You are supposed to read the image from the outside and then in; that is how you decide for yourself whether to appreciate art for arts sake or not to. Don’t make a fool of yourself by trying to point out that images like this are “weird/uncool”; take the time to appreciate that some magickal folks prefer serious practice and study, than most.

Life isn’t all dolphin sounds, light and fluffy colourful flowers. Once you see the light in the dark, you’ll see true beauty and feel true power.




Thelema & the Polarity Road Block

[Ed. I was supposed to publish this last Friday 30th November, but due to the lack if Internet access it has been postponed until today. Bare in mind, it is a few days old. The feelings I had then have subsided a bi since.]

It seems all that I have been learning, and noting down has been pretty good since that eventful change in May. Ever since Book 4 crept into my dreams, it took me a month to finally get my arse back down to Atlantis Books opposite the British Museum, to purchase it. Most of you know what happened, either from the video or the post about how that invisible spirit kept urging me to do a reading, to prove to myself that I needed the book (since I wasn’t listening to it much at the time). This “spirit friend” has been around for as long as I can remember, helping me out with mundane decision making, or just being a shoulder to cry on. I have no idea what it is, but up until recently I just assume it is a manifestation of some kind and most probably not my HGA. Sad face.

I squealed before about how much my path excites me, and how rare I find trouble or difficulty pulling intelligence out of the bullshit that is out there. I have found myself in a place that is pure, refreshing and second nature. I could write up a ritual within minutes, plan it and perform it within days or weeks. Magick has become so normal in my life, that I literally breathe it. I mean that in both ways, spiritually (living it) and fundamentally (understanding it). For me, my life has taught me that you need both ends of a pole to fully grasp it. For those of you who have access to the Kybalion, refer to the Principle of Polarity—“Everything is dual; everything has poles; everything has Its pair of opposites; like and unlike are the same; opposites are identical in nature, but different in degree; extremes meet; all truths are but half-truths; all paradoxes may be reconciled.”–The Kybalion. Otherwise, think of life/spirituality/magick like a pole. At one end you have theory, which involves books, knowledge, philosophy and your own thoughts. At the other end you have magick, which involves practice, meditation, ordeals and your own methods. You need both ends to balance equally so you can hold the pole on its side. If you go from one extreme to the other, it will be a struggle to get back to the centre – that’s natural and spiritual gravity, dear.

Naturally, as stated before, magick and theory are easy for me. I do hype theory more to you folks because that is one area which is overlooked by the majority and New Age practitioners. I just assume the phrase, “Without theory, you wouldn’t have knowledge; without knowledge you wouldn’t have magick; without magick you wouldn’t have theory.” Its a phrase I coined when I gave a small talk at a moot years back about why common sense in magickal practices is so paramount. It couldn’t be more useful now. I am learning a lot about Thelema, the theory behind it and I am stripping away at the mindset of Crowley. I am loving every second both intellectually, and physically.

My body reacts to what my spirit is guiding me to. If I try to look up my old notebooks on Celtic magic, my body will immediately start to shut down and become lethargic. My guide is saying I shouldn’t bother, and deep down I know why. It’s as if the chemicals in my brain are fine tuning themselves to listen to what spirit commands, by storing away the old lessons, and only keeping the needed lessons afresh. So, Thelema is constantly keeping me alive. It sounds corny but I feel Thelema in my blood and it feels good. As much as I want to better my mind, and get to the nitty gritty of theory, my practice is letting me down.

Sadly, I am failing utterly at the practice. Partly because Crowley writes in a manner that is sometimes mind-boggling or inconceivable to most, and partly due to how hard I am punishing myself. My confidence has grown a bit more since taking up more of an official relationship with this religion, but my excitement has also pushed me down to the cold, hard ground. I attempted to film myself doing the LBRP yesterday, to the utter dismay of a magician buddy of mine. He isn’t a Thelemite, but he does look to Crowley’s works for other insight. He has been breaking down the LBRP for me over the last few days as I have been screwing up enough already. He has been cool, emailing me tips, advice and other versions, but my childishness and nervousness got the better of me and I fucked up. Thankfully, the Angels seem okay. The Gods of each quarter too, as nothing bad has happened. I am just gutted at myself.

I want to be as good as I was before. This whole feeling of being “new” is bugging me like crazy. I am a witch. A mild occultist of 13+ years. My whole life has been one spiritual creation, in my garden of truth; so why after all this time and experience have I hit this road block? Why am I suddenly unable to apply the Principle of Polarity here, and see both ends well enough to find my balance?

I was asked by another friend why I beat myself up about something he considers fair and small. To be honest, I beat myself up because I am on my own. That is what I am used to. I got myself this far (and my spirit helped, and the Gods, so I’m not technically alone). I don’t have anyone to impress or anything; it’s just determination. I have to believe in myself. It doesn’t matter how many people I meet along the way, I am the only one paying my metaphysical mortgage. I could love someone so much, and help them, and friend them and hate them all at the same time, but their enlightenment will be down to them, and them alone. Thelema has become my lust, but for the first time in my life I feel the need to fight for it to love me. Love, not Lust.

I am glad I know so much about magickal theory, the polarity of essence and practice. I just need to get this new work right.

I guess this ordeal isn’t over any time soon.

Love is the Law, 93, 93/93 x


Thelema Excites Me… Where Do I Begin? [list]

Good morning folks!

Firstly I have pissed of three people because of my lust and positive attitude toward studying Thelema. The one point I want to express here, is the fact that I read a lot more than I practice at the beginning of any field. Once I feel I am well read, and once the Gods begin to point me at other lessons, then, and only then will I start to practice. Those of you who have watched me blossom since my first blog post back in 05 know about that method. I’m not stupid, so relax.

Secondly, this is something I have officially taken up and hope in time will be my religious affiliation. I have read about Thelema for years. I have read up on Crowley for a while too, but until a few months back I did nothing about any of it. I have been devouring ‘The Golden Dawn’ book by Regardie, and loving it.

The one thing that makes my journey a little difficult is the lack of a proper teacher and not much of a starting point. With general witchcraft there is always a starting point. You have to learn the literature, the basic magick and then find the roots of your practice. Basically, you learn where magick comes from, how it can be used, the ethics of magick, the Gods or atheist root, religious groups that use witchcraft like Wicca, Druidry or Santeria. Once you have those in your back pocket, you’ll be able to practice fairly freely. As far as magick goes, you learn the basics such as simple circle castings, prosperity spells leading all the way up to evocations, invocations and Drawing Down the Moon. Thelema is not so open, easy or wide mouthed. Perfect?

When I started learning Wicca, which I eventually outgrew and thus dropped over a painful amount of years, I noted there were large amounts of 101 books shipped every minute. With Wicca, Celtic Magick and such there are tons of starting places that are very similar; that way you know you can’t fail. They are safe magickal practices which I would expect most young people to get to grips with. However, I wasn’t overly excited, I was happy and very positive, but once I let go of Wicca I finally felt free and that got me going.

I’m in lust with Thelema, Hermeticism is my true love and the Golden Dawn are my fantastical fantasy lovers. (I do apologise if that is offensive or crude in any way, I just want to express my point on how magickally and intelligently horny I am). I even tweeted a little appreciation this morning:
“I have never felt as excited, happy, brave or as positive since working on the religious aspect of Hermeticism. #Hermeticism #Thelema ♥”

Okay, one friend who I speak with often, and who also happens to be a solitary practitioner gave me the following list. After I pissed of the folks I thought I could have banter with, and being labelled a… Well, I won’t repeat it but those of you who read those tweets know, I gave myself one more try. For the first time in a long time my happiness was paired with a deep bout of failure. Is it wrong that I am this happy, and this upset at the same time? I have never felt this way, and its quite annoying to say the least. As much as I want to grow, knowing that other people aren’t as happy or open makes me stay in my solitary circle a while longer, which limits my practice.

I was quite upset actually, so much so I haven’t performed any magick or devotions for the past few days. I have heard, on more than one occasion that the occult finds you, and I believe it because it found me. Hence why I am so darn happy with my progress so far, I know this is my path, my journey, my Will and no one can tell me otherwise? Right? Thelema so far is confusing on the front that there aren’t many solitary practitioners, as almost everyone has a teacher. I have had bad experiences with covens and teenage angst filled groups, which drove me to practising magick on my own. To hear that Thelema requires a few friends to discuss and debate with scares me a little. I don’t do well around people, at all. How will I cope with this religion? I am easily daunted and my social skills are shot to hell. Do you see my difficulty? For now, like I mentioned, I just need to get to grips with the sacred texts and work hard.

I’m determined. Shoot me.

Anyway, this small list is from my daemon lover:

🔻You must read the Book of the Law (but you must accept it if you want to be a practising Thelemite in future).

With Book 4, read up on these:
🔻Part 1 – Mysticism and Part 2 – Magick (though you mentioned you have, and made notes? I don’t remember. It was a while?)
🔻Part 3.1 – The Principles of Ritual
🔻Part 3.XVI – Part 1 of the Oath
🔻Liber III vel Jugorum (make notes! Lots of notes! Then STFU!)
🔻Liber E and Liber O
🔻Then, Appendices part IX. I-VI

Go over those lots and lots, and lots. Make notes, practice and grow. You said you have the Golden Dawn book? I suggest reading it from cover to cover, and fold corners on important pages. Also get a hold of Liber 777. Once you have those email/call me and I’ll get you another list.

Use the internet too.

— okay, he is not my lover, he just loves working with daemons, angels and other entities etc. He has been a magician for years, and happens to be one of the happiest people I know.

Hopefully that list is okay though. I have Liber 777 already and various other tables, so studying should be fine. I’m not sure if this is an ideal list, but as I am halfway through it, its been great so far. Just thought I would share!

Love and 93’s, x