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Life Transition | Love, the Unrequited Kind

 I journal a lot. My current journal is literally bursting and I have only just gone over half way. This morning I sat skimming over the posts trying to find the theme of the last two years, and so far I have noted three with constant strain. I constantly write about travel through wanderlust, inspiration through quotations and poems, which remind me that life is not all bad and the last theme that pops up a lot is unrequited love.

Now, to a 23 year old who has only had one failed relationship that seems a bit much, but whilst reading some of my old posts I genuinely think I am love repellent and growing to accept it with a cool heart. I had to laugh at some of the entries because even though I have much better grammar in my Moleskine (than on here…), I don’t half just go into silly, lonely teenage style, hate fearing, ultimate sob your heart out mode. I understand finding love is hard, especially at 23 when all the people I have met and correspond with are all loved up or married and I’m the weird single girl in the corner, but wow, I do scare myself with the heart wrenching thoughts that circulate within the pages. As much as I have been trying to turn my heart into stone when I curl up in bed alone each night, hoping to wake up never having to feel a thing in order to get by in life, I know I can’t do it.

Love is fleeting, and even though I won’t find anyone, I need love to get by. Love for me is what I give to my little siblings, my friends, myself, (Michael Fassbender and Rory McCann worship) and most importantly my writing. For the sake of reading and writing I copied up Shakespeare’s sonnet 102 in my journal and thought I should share it with you folks. I read it when I was 13, at upper school at a point in my life when I still didn’t have friends, but the love I had made me hope that one day I could share it. I guess at that age I was more mature and sentimental than I thought. I’m growing up and it feels great. I’ll no longer believe in “one day,” and only stick with now.


Shakespeare’s Sonnet 102

My love is strengthen’d, though more weak in seeming;
I love not less, though less the show appear:
That love is merchandized whose rich esteeming
The owner’s tongue doth publish every where.
Our love was new and then but in the spring
When I was wont to greet it with my lays,
As Philomel in summer’s front doth sing
And stops her pipe in growth of riper days:
Not that the summer is less pleasant now
Than when her mournful hymns did hush the night,
But that wild music burthens every bough
And sweets grown common lose their dear delight.
Therefore like her I sometime hold my tongue,
Because I would not dull you with my song.


Quick note… If you are unfamiliar with Shakespearian cant, what he is basically saying is that even though his love is still as strong as it was in the beginning, he’s glad he had the experience and it will always be in his heart and mind forever, he just won’t show it as much anymore. He, like me, no longer sees love as the life changing event that will rock your life forever and every single day especially when the person he loves doesn’t precipitate. Love is powerful yes, but over the top at times and because of that, it is overwhelming and it is resulting in his heartache. This is a wonderful example of unrequited love, and why you shouldn’t be desperate or give up, without emphasis in “one day”.

Tomorrow I shall pull a card from a tarot deck and find the new lesson I need to learn within.


Shakespeare is my Therapist | Richard II

Ben Whishaw as King Richard II from BBC 2 ‘The Hollow Crown’ (2012)

I have been studying and reading up on Shakespeare for the past few weeks for college. Luckily, I found Shakespeare as a young child and fell for his works almost immediately. Over the years, his sonnets and the beautiful and yet tragic stories he weaved through his epic plays imbued in my heart opening the way I hoped to head; wishing either to study Shakespeare and take up acting seriously or write nearly as half as good at thew writers who hoped to write nearly as half as good as him. If you look into Shakespeare, the well written soliloquies revealed the innermost thoughts of his characters, are the most famous speeches in the world, not just within the realm of English Literature or Drama. With some of his most famous ‘To be or not to be’ from Hamlet, or the dagger speech from Macbeth,  ‘Is this a dagger which I see before me‘. I won’t go into a huge amount of detail about how Shakespeare has been a huge influence on me, I’ll save that for a later post, but I will say this: Shakespeare has been the number one writer I can turn to when needing emotional advice, or help with emotional turmoil. Okay, I won’t stab myself or drink poison, but you get my drift. His words show both madness, love and passion, and I agree with Simon Schama’s view of him; he knew humans too well. [this is a crap introduction, forgive me, time was running out!]

I became absorbed in the various shows and documentaries on Shakespeare, but thanks to the BBC I just had to share with you, one of the most blessed monologues I had learnt as a child, from Richard II, Act III, Scene 2:


No matter where; of comfort no man speak:
Let’s talk of graves, of worms, and epitaphs;
Make dust our paper and with rainy eyes
Write sorrow on the bosom of the earth,
Let’s choose executors and talk of wills:
And yet not so, for what can we bequeath
Save our deposed bodies to the ground?
Our lands, our lives and all are Bolingbroke’s,
And nothing can we call our own but death
And that small model of the barren earth
Which serves as paste and cover to our bones.
For God’s sake, let us sit upon the ground
And tell sad stories of the death of kings;
How some have been deposed; some slain in war,
Some haunted by the ghosts they have deposed;
Some poison’d by their wives: some sleeping kill’d;
All murder’d: for within the hollow crown
That rounds the mortal temples of a king
Keeps Death his court and there the antic sits,
Scoffing his state and grinning at his pomp,
Allowing him a breath, a little scene,
To monarchize, be fear’d and kill with looks,
Infusing him with self and vain conceit,
As if this flesh which walls about our life,
Were brass impregnable, and humour’d thus
Comes at the last and with a little pin
Bores through his castle wall, and farewell king!
Cover your heads and mock not flesh and blood
With solemn reverence: throw away respect,
Tradition, form and ceremonious duty,
For you have but mistook me all this while:
I live with bread like you, feel want,
Taste grief, need friends: subjected thus,
How can you say to me, I am a king?

I have been watching The Hollow Crown on BBC 2 and found I still remembered the lines from this scene, with my mouth though tight, muttering each line as Ben Whishaw delivered them so full of gust. Now let me just say, I gave up on acting because I found I had much keener hand for writing and directing, so that is what I am sticking to. But, if I am suddenly full of inspiration to perform on stage again, I shall!

–Not a regular post, but I just had to share =]

Sy x

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Demdike Stare Are My New Faves [Music + Video]

I was reading an article in Saturday’s The Guide from the Guardian about the new A-Z list of Modern Pop Music found here. I got to the section on Voodoo House and decided on sampling the recommended track. I’m a fan of house and techno so I knew I’d be in for a nice surprise, but I did not know how awesome this particular group’s music was. Now, when you mention ‘Pagan-esque music’ most people would immediately assume Celtic music or whale singing. That’s all well and good, but I always find inspiration elsewhere. In this case, in was Demdike Stare. All I’m saying now is Google them, listen to their music, watch their videos and look up the witch they named themselves after; very tasteful stuff. The video below is currently one of my favourites tracks by them. Keep an open mind folks!

Demdike Stare

Sy x


The Wickedest Man on Earth – Aleister Crowley Documentary

I have never grown out of the infantile belief that the universe was made for me to suck.
~ Aleister Crowley

Many will inform you to stay away from Aleister Crowley, especially if you are a practitioner who happens to be British like me. Many people who have been influenced by his magick and his books have had split experiences; they either had a wonderfully spiritual time, or they had such an evil experience that it almost cost them their lives. I highly recommend people stay away, unless you know you’ll be okay with the practices and the intensity of the energies that are manifested. If not… I have warned you.

Aleister Crowley

Aleister Crowley

I personally love his works. Some of his written workings are daunting, others are there purely for the reader’s common sense and intellect. It was as if he knew at some point new magickal students would read his stuff, and only the fittest student would understand, surely sifting out the weaker ones. He was from the old British world, when women did the housework and looked after the children, and men would go to work and never open up about anything. Stiff upper lip I say, and it should be so too, pip pip ol’ boy. I have only a few of his books, Liber777, Magick (Book 4 – compiling of books 1 – 4 1912) and The Book of the Law (1904)

Below is a documentary I watched years ago on Youtube, and I’ve just had a quick search to see if it is still there. Lo and behold the power of internet filing and technology! Enjoy.

Indubitably, magic is one of the subtlest and most difficult of the sciences and arts. There is more opportunity for errors of comprehension, judgment and practice than in any other branch of physics.
~Aleister Crowley

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Hottest Witches Around

It is 4am! I am tired, but woke up randomly and checked my phone…

I got this from AussieWitch90, a seriously awesome witch and vlogger from Australia. We’ve been conversing for a while now and he is someone who not only reminds me of myself, but someone who understands my kind of witchcraft and freedom. As well as him, Phoenix and other pagans I love, we all have a share faith in something so beautiful that it inspires me everyday.

As for the super cool video, I just had to share it and the links to the vlog channels of the pagans involved. Hark! Enjoy!







8 Ways to Mindfulness In My Purse

I am just writing this super short post on my new personal project for the year. The Buddhist wheel or whatever you may call it actually refers to the eightfold path, or the eight ways of thinking or living a mindful life or mindful path. This path enables the person walking it to become compassionate, mindful and eventually it will help lead you to enlightenment. There is a lot more tot he eight fold path than what I’ve just explained here, so over time, the next 8 months to be precise I shall explain what each spoke on the wheel means to the everyday Buddhist, and what they mean to me. I am also attempting to work on my mind patterns, in order to live a better life. Right now, life is quite difficult, but the only things I need to focus on to keep happy are college, my friends and my life. The first lesson you learn is all about living in the now and being grateful for what you have, but the most important gift you have is the breath, so I’m focusing even more on that small feature.

I have taken up a small exercise from The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Buddhism, shown below, in order to learn how to just stop and bask in the moment as it were. What you need is a piece of paper and fold it in half three times, then open in out and on one side write all of the eight words of the path onto each segment, as follows:

  • Speech
  • Action
  • Work
  • Effort
  • View
  • Thought
  • Concentration
  • Mindfulness

The wheel itself has no beginning, middle or end and this simulates life itself through the view of impermanence. When you meditate, focus on the breath or focus on one of the phrases slowly, once at a time. Try and learn to live in the now. As time goes on, you should jot down keywords or phrases that you are emotionally connected to. The habits, vices and virtuous slogans you want to either adapt or change or learn to live with. For example, where you put ‘Speech’ you may like to put ‘swearing’ or ‘gossip’. Where you have put ‘Concentration’ you may like to put ‘don’t read while eating’ or ‘look at the clouds when sitting outside’ as daily reminders. Write these other phrases on the back of each section, as if creating flash cards.

I’m not sure how I’ll be, and if you attempt this idea too, then realise you are human. This road won’t be perfect, and you should welcome that ideal. Let me share a story from the book:

A passing stranger encountered some Buddhist monks in a forest. He asked what they were doing. A monk stopped to explain that they were Buddhists and that he and his fellow monks were cutting wood. “Wait. I cut wood, too, for my fire,” said the man. “I don’t see anything extraordinary about that.” “Well, sir,” the monk replied, “when we cut wood, we know we are cutting wood. We don’t cut wood to build a fire. We cut wood to cut wood.” The monk smiled, and added, “If we can’t cut wood, how then can we build a fire?” Then he resumed his work, and the man went on his way. – Gary Gach.


Keep it in your purse/wallet/pocket - Buddhist Wheel

Wish me luck =P

Sy x



If Dr. Seuss Wrote for Star Trek

Sigma Indri, that’s the star.
So, Data, how far? How far?
Our ship can get there very fast,
but still the trip will last and last.
We’ll have two days till we arrive,
but can the Indrans there survive?
LaForge, please give us factor nine.
But sir, the engines are offline!
Offline! But why? I want to go!
Please make is so, please make it so!
But sir, if Geordi says we can’t,
we can’t, we mustn’t, and we shan’t.
The danger here is far to great.
But surely we must not be late!
I’m sensing anger and great ire.
Alert! Alert! The ship’s on fire!
The ship’s on fire? How could this be?
Who lit the fire?
Not me.
Not me.
Computer, how long till we die?
Eight minutes left to say goodbye.
May I suggest a course to take?
We could, I think, quite safely make
extinguishers from tractor beams,
and stop the fire, or so it seems…
Hurray! Hurray! You’ve saved the day!
Again I say, hurray! Hurray!
Mr. Data, thank you much.
You’ve saved our lives, our ship, and such.
We still must save the Indran planet-
Which, by the way, is made of granite…
Enough, you android. Please desist.
We understand-we get your gist.
But can we get our ship to go?
Please, make it so, please make it so.
There’s sabotage among the wires,
and that’s what started all the fires.
We have a saboteur? Oh, no!
We need to go! We need to go!
We must seek out the traitor spy,
and lock him up, and ask him why?
Ask him why? How sentimental.
I say give him problems dental.
Are any Romulan ships around?
Have scanners said that they’ve been found?
Or is it Borg or some new threat
that we haven’t heard of yet?
I sense no malice in this crew.
Now what are we supposed to do?
Captain, please, the Indrans need us.
They cry out, Help us, clothe us, feed us!
I can’t just sit and let them die!
A doctor must attempt-must try!
Doctor, please, we’ll get there soon.
They may be dead by Tuesday noon.
*Commercial break, commercial break.
How long will these dumb ads take?*
The saboteur is in the brig.
He’s very strong and very big.
I had my phaser set on stun-
A zzzip! A zzzap! Another one!
He would not budge, he would not fall.
He would not stun, no, not at all!
He changed into a stranger form,
all soft and purple, round and warm.
Did you see this, Mr. Worf?
Did you see this creature morph?
I did and then I beat him fairly,
hit him on the jaw-quite squarely.
My commendations, Klingon friend!
Our troubles now are at an end.
Now let’s get our ship to fly,
and orbit yonder Indran sky!
LaForge, please tell me we can go…?
Yes, sir, we can.
Then make it so!

Author Unknown