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Dancing Beyond the Circle | My Pagan Past

My pagan past hasn’t been all bad, in fact it has been amazing. I have pushed myself to go beyond places I always heard were bad. Thelema and the occult being two examples. We are conditioned from a young age, to what is correct and what isn’t. If you analyse the impact the New Age has had on people, you will find a pool of mixed experiences, but a lot of those experiences seem to follow the trend of conforming, and to another degree “aesthetic purposes”. These days I look at myself and feel good just being myself. Being free, being open and being proud of how far I have pushed myself. Things that seemed hard to begin with are now second nature, and I’ve benefitted hugely. Hard work is one area I found easy, and it also played a big part in the decision of leaving my Wicca days behind.

I used to fight with myself, when conversing with other Wiccans or Pagan practitioners, about how they chose to study. They studied the same things I did, but they never had the same annoying thoughts. They never questioned how or why. They didn’t need to worry about any of that stuff. Neither did a few folks I knew understand the concept of becoming aware of your inner voice; that gut feeling. That voice would insist on particular subjects, when I browsed books shops. Other times, like now, I would be writing something about my day, or the ritual I had performed and the words would just flow from my mind, as if being put there by Muses. Why hadn’t anybody else ever come forward about these experiences too? I started to meet other folks who said they understood me, but unfortunately they hadn’t. On those grounds alone I would say it was the individuals that annoyed me, not the religion. These people gave the religion a bad name in my eyes. I just had to get used to the idea that the only solid friend I could trust with my personal education was that gut feeling aka the HGA. (Have I Known All Along?)

So I put in the hard work, whoop! Where was it all going to lead me? Was there an end sight? Actually, for the first time in my life I found that goal, and now I have a new one. On top of that, I know there is so much more for me to discover. Below are excerpts from Equinox Vol. 4 No. 1, which detail the importance of study. Now don’t get me wrong, not everyone likes the study, nor do they see the point in studying, but that is just down to their individual preferences. I love to study, and I love to share my experiences – like I said, I’m a hard worker, and I strive for the absolute best. I hope in some way that this text will give you a slightly different insight into your own magickal study, but if it doesn’t then at least you have the knowledge:

Essay on Occultism - Equinox Vol. 4 No. 1, pp. 1-4

Essay on Occultism – Equinox Vol. 4 No. 1, pp. 1-4

 

Essay on Occultism - Equinox Vol. 4 No. 1, pp. 1-4

Essay on Occultism – Equinox Vol. 4 No. 1, pp. 1-4

I must admit, I choices I made were based on ideals I hadn’t really thought about. As time went on, with my spirituality deepening, I found a sense of realism and understanding, in fact a whole lot more than what was available. Around the time I went back to practising general witchcraft, I noticed the bigger picture. It was as if I had seen a tiny rip in the fabric, just flapping in the wind, as if beckoning me to rip it apart. Let’s just say I ripped at it, and slowly the world it revealed was full of beauty, power and knowledge – a kind of Eden. Amongst the thorny bushes, there would be a cornucopia of rare flowers, and I knew I would have to work my way through the thorns with bare hands. I didn’t mind. I’m a hard worker, with a keen soul and devoted heart. This is what I feel is missing from underdeveloped practices like Wicca – there aren’t goals to work toward. From my own experiences, I was running around in circles, just spending my time bowing down for the sake of habit. Then there would be days when I read the exact same thing, just written by another person, and quite happily digested it without question. It was a case of the blind leading the blind.

I remember reading my old books and coming across passages dedicated to slamming the occult, and things beyond the circle. At the same time, I came across these attitudes on the internet. All kinds of people would slam the serious practitioners for thinking differently. These days I get the odd comment, or email from someone who has read my blog or watched one of videos who will try to put me down for following a system that is thousands of years old, but only made available in the last century by Crowley. People want a quick fix, so they find false teachers and follow them, only to realise after a lot of energy has gone, that they were duped. They eventually find their way back to the people they originally thought less of, or look at spiritual subjects with a new eye. Everyone must follow a path set for them, but how they choose to follow it is a choice only they can make.

When I joined the YouTube community, I had experiences with socialising I had never gone through. I won’t go into too much detail, as I have done a lot in the past! I had worked out what the trends were, and stayed well away. I looked up to people, who I considered to be normal humans like me, but with better understanding on certain subjects. I also found a lot of others, who unfortunately continue to gas, who did a lot of talking, and never shared their own experiences – considering half of the folks who vlogged after a well-known vlogger went on a huge break, were only there for subscriber numbers, and not quality. I saw the shallowness of these people and quickly decided to just keep doing my thing, regardless of how boring my videos were. I didn’t care about the quantity, I only cared about documenting my progress for my own memory. Even today, I haven’t vlogged in ages because I’m busy being a university student, and being a Thelema student. I hate the idea of ever becoming an armchair magician, which is why I don’t vlog or write unless I have successfully experimented, or experienced something. Sadly, people like me are ignored and often over-looked due to our raw love of magick. We don’t like quick fixes, we love to endure the hard work and ordeals, because we know exactly what we will gain – truth, balance and another step on the ladder of transcendence. Those are qualities you can only find outside the New Age phenomenon. Then again, that’s just my opinion.

The amount of people I have met who left Wicca and other New Age formations behind for something deeper, truer and purer is astonishing! They learnt what they needed to, and moved up a class. I’m doing that too; experimenting, and increasing my knowledge pool. I needed to go through those days, in order to find out what I do not want in my future. It was one ordeal after another, but they have been worth it. In some big way, I feel great knowing my hard work paid off, and my persistence to stay afloat meant I was able to find absolute balance. I’m more confident because of it, and I can look in the mirror and smile at myself. It’s great.

Mourning is over (for now).

LVX 93s


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Liber Resh, Exercise and Feeling Good

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Im sure I’ve published my current routine for each day? If I have, meh, it’s been edited a tiny bit since. I developed this format in order to keep in concordance of my Will. It might help if you develop your own regimen for the sake of practice, discipline and spiritual awareness. Hopefully it will be okay.

Daily Routine for Days Off

Dawn
🔹Perform first Resh or first Adoration – 5 minutes

Midday
🔹Perform second Resh or second Adoration – 5 minutes
🔹Core workout/core yoga routine – 10–30 minutes
🔹Sun salutation/Warrior sequence – 10–30 minutes

🔸End midday session with Kundalini meditation and/or mantra – 10-30 minutes

Sunset
🔹Third Resh or third Adoration – 5 minutes

🔸End sunset session with meditation and/or mantra

Bedtime
🔺Perform fourth Adoration 4 or wait until midnight – 5 minutes

Midnight
🔻If no bedtime adoration is performed then complete the cycle with the fourth Resh – 5 minutes

Working/Study Days

Dawn
🔹First Adoration – 5 minutes

Midday
🔹Second Adoration – 5 minutes

Sunset
🔹Third Adoration – 5 minutes

🔸End session with mantra and LBRP – 10–30 minutes

Bedtime
🔹Fourth Adoration – 5 minutes

My yoga routines are pretty simple, but luckily I can look up a sequence or two on YouTube and get my trainer involved. Other times I just learn whatever routines I can when I go to an hour session at the gym. I have a lot of books and magazines that cover various areas of yoga, so remembering why, how and what benefits are available per asana is easy to come by.

I have two main core workouts that are focused on my back and balance. I also adopted the following “Before Shower Exercise” to continue to push the blood flow around my body.

50 jumping jacks
5 push-ups
20 crunches
20 mountain climbers
30 second plank

After you perform Resh, ideally your body should send you into that phase of meditation. It’s mentioned in Liber ABA that after each adoration, you are supposed to ground yourself. For me the urge is a bright and positive feeling so I ground by meditation and exercise.

You just feel great once you enter that phase of mind. I think performing Resh has also helped me lose weight — but I think that’s because my solitary regimen goes hand in hand with exercise, and a healthy diet.

Some folks have said that once you perform Resh properly two things happen, 1) “You can say goodbye to a normal sleep pattern” mentioned by Mr Vamp, and 2) It becomes second nature.

Enjoy the Tara Stiles Core Strength video here.

In LVX 93s x


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Health Benefits of Liber Resh vel Helios

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I know how that sounds – health? Really? Silly Sy. No need to be disappointed, but I’ve been thinking about a theory around many of the rituals I’ve been practicing. I guess you can call this short (and probably meaningless) post another treatise on why I love ceremonial magick.

When I first started practising the Four Adorations (a time loose variation of the full Resh) I kept noting how I felt warm and fuzzy. The importance of noting down little things that may seem unnecessary can often build up a picture of peace or change within the mindset of the person experiencing these changes. I would write the odd notes at the start of my daily posts saying something like, “Feel great! Feel more alert and aware of things around me – almost like the end meditations after Kundalini practice.” Often I would note what I had to eat or drink just before or after the Resh assuming my intake may have contributed to my sudden alertness and inspirational boost. For some reason, similar to performing the LBRP, I just felt amazing.

When I started performing Resh properly, according to the solar time I started to work out a plan for my days off and days I would spend at work. They were only an outline that I expected to improve over time once I started university properly. So far they have worked perfectly! Not only have my visualisation skills improved, and my sensitivity to the slightest increase or decrease to energies within me and around me been fine tuned, but I feel an even more positive – [“positive” being the wrong word… I mean something else, but cannot think what?] – connection between me and the Universe as a whole – me, finally embarking on my journey with Malkuth. Maybe I’m wrong? I’m not sure, but I feel awake for sure. I am sure of one thing, yoga and physical rituals push blood to places it rarely sees on a daily basis. This helps oxygen reach those nooks and crannies, which adds to the feeling of weightlessness and accomplishment at the end of each hourly workout or session. Obviously Resh does not take a bloody hour, but you get my drift. You are exercising your mind (visualisation) and your body (vibration, speaking and the signs), which in turn gets oxygen flowing and goes full loop by sending more oxygen to the muscle and brain. It’s beautiful. I have been able to note the effects when I tried to put myself under a weeks worth of not practicing. By day 5 I was ready to give up and start again as I felt awful, muggy and just generally off. Everything was a dull grey and I just wanted to lay down all the time. Ew.

I’m automatically up just before the morning Resh, and when the other times approach it’s as if my body just sends a load of blood rushing around my body, to I guess wake myself up in preparation of performing. I have felt inspired to really sort my body out again over the last few months, and Resh and the LBRP with a dash of meditation, dance, yoga and a change in diet have all helped me. I wasn’t lying when I said Thelemites’ are sexy creatures.

Either later on, or tomorrow I’ll post up my regimen, plus a small breakdown of my current work out. As for my diet, I went Vegan for a fortnight to flush/detox my body in order to “start again”. I’m just your average misunderstood vegetarian – love animals but I’m not a fanatic carnivore hater, I love leather and Dr Martens to much – I just don’t eat meat because it tastes icky, that’s all.

That’s all for now, in LVX 93s Peaches!


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Liber DCCCLX – John St. John and Me

Aleister Crowley

Aleister Crowley

Take this as a very short post, and an explanation to the rather odd post from earlier this month.

I bought a copy of James Wasserman’s book ‘Aleister Crowley and the Practice of the Magical Diary’, which included diary excerpts collected together by the prophet himself in a volume entitled ‘John St. John’. Also included were written pieces from Frater Achad’s collection ‘Liber CLXV Master of the Temple’. As part of my solitary foundation process, I felt as though this book found its way into my basket at the right time. I haven’t read the whole book yet, so no in depth reviews, and no spoilers.

Though not a detailed summary of his daily workings, John St. John is a wonderful example of how one should keep track of their progress and experiments. Most writers in general have a journal, diary or notebook of some kind, wherein they write their innermost thoughts and random quotations they conjure up. I definitely do, for many reasons. For the sake of my attainment I have kept a working journal, but only recently I have started to write much more personal ideas and feelings. Whenever I feel off about something I used to just ignore it, or write a quick note in my normal journal without any thought that perhaps it’s a vital lesson I must learn from. These days I find I write tiny entries on the cards I’ve pulled that day for my main magical diary – only to write a full report in my Book of Thoth. It’s become a rather welcome habit. The main outcome for these disciplined practices would centre on my discovery of various methods, themes and ideals I can test. My old journals have been covered in words and symbols since I started working magick, so this whole concept is not new for me; what is new, is Crowley’s set up or structure for his works. Like most writers or journalists, small notes are important, but for me I’ve never been a keen one for taking short cuts as my memory is awful and my anxiety does not allow me to “come back later” – I need to do whatever task it is right away, especially if it concerns writing and creativity.

The last post was an excerpt from my main magical journal, which is actually part of a small experiment I am trying for a month – the continuous and rigorous practice of meditation and adorations everyday for a week, then off just to note the differences in performance, energy and such alike. All I can say for now, is a I attempted a smaller operation last month spanning a fortnight and I found quite a shocking (and psychological and physiological) change. I hope to explore my experiment more, and share what little information I am willing to share on here. For now, my solitary foundation process (as I am now calling it) is still in its early stages, and I am currently working on diet changes, fitness and more writing. Building a regimen is incredibly important for me, otherwise I will lose focus and fall by the wayside – focus.

For those of you who are new to performing Liber Resh or the Four Adorations, try and start reading chapter one on the essays of yoga that Crowley wrote (here) and start John St. John (here – pretend we are reading together!)

93 Peaches!


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Four of My Current Magick Journals

I haven’t done an update in years! At least, not on this blog anyway, so I figured I would dive in and briefly present my madness and obsession with organisation with you all. I have kept journals since I was small, ever since I could write full sentences’ without any proper writing style. I used to write made up spells in a made up language, and draw magick circles before I even knew Magick existed. I find journaling to be both therapeutic and educational as they keep me up to date with my living progress. I have many journals for all kinds of subjects from cooking, wine, travel, poetry, tea, herbal stuffs, mantra and dreams. For now, these are my latest editions and current babies.

Below are four Moleskine journals, from left to right: Secret diary, Book of Horus, Book of Thoth/Tahuti and my Book of Conjurations.

Some of Sy Calaelen's  magick journals

Some of Sy Calaelen’s magick journals

Secret Diary

This journal is for my general thoughts, feelings, events and daily creative musings. Some of the entries have a spiritual theme but others don’t, like my shopping lists and haul pages located in the back. Some of the lists are mostly around books I own and have bought, and other titles I need, and other media genres such as CDs, vinyl’s, sewing/knitting supplies and altar supplies. I also include general card readings for myself in which I use to keep my life in sync. I have photos, poetry and short stories inside, alongside my daily emotional issues and feelings of joy. Love letters to men I’ve always wanted to talk to, but never ever have the chance to, so I keep these musings to myself. I’ve always loved the idea of letting my future family read them, just to see what I was like before settling down. This is just a general journal, but a secret one. This current book is Secret Diary #23.

Book of Horus

This journal consists of my personal study of each verse within The Book of the Law (Liber AL vel Legis). Each verse has a page, written in red, with a running commentary beneath in black. I am precise about the colours I write in as the method of this journal is to update it yearly in blue. Every other year or moment I get after two years I can alternate between black and blue to track my progress. I have a file set up on my computer with the same method, but I prefer the feel of a pen to a page, plus I can add my private thoughts without the worry of breaking the book or having any pages corrupted. A friend did ask me what would happen when I fill up some pages over others and the answer is simple, I would just buy another Moleskine and start again. Other times, especially if it happens to surround one or five particular verses that have a great impact, I will write essays’ on them inside my Book of Conjurations instead and link it as thus at the bottom of those pages.

My exploration of Liber AL has been amazing. Mostly positive and awe inspiring, and other times I feel a sudden charge of emotion just rise up in me. I had suggested purely on a whim to Mr. Vamp that it would be a lovely idea for Weiser Inc to publish greeting cards around Thelemic holidays, and general holidays for Thelemites and occultists. For example, around Valentines you could give your lover a card that reads “Every man and every woman is a star” or at birthdays “For pure will, unassuaged of purpose, delivered from the lust of result, is every way perfect”. Just a mad idea I may start doing with close friends once I acquire addresses – but one that could be frowned upon.

BoH #1

Book of Thoth/Tahuti

This journal is for my in depth study of Crowley’s Thoth tarot. I must point out, I have read general tarot since I was a pre-teen so I know the difference between general readings and spiritual/psychological readings. I’ve always been more of an amateur psycho-analyser with various decks, and have on many occasions been in situations where people have tried to dissuade me or put me down only to fall onto their own traps. I’m actually not that bad, as far as intelligence is concerned.

There are a few monthly exercises I am currently working on as far as tarot and Qabalah are concerned thanks to Regardie, and a method I came up with. Each page has a date, time of beginning and one card. I will work with that card for a week or so, and then end each entry with the date and time. Working with cards can result in various methods and outcomes, for me I focus on the psychology and visualisation. On some other pages, with code words and the card(s) written in red, I list the message or lesson I am being taught. It’s a pretty basic journal, nothing too exciting, but it keeps me focused on this part of my journey. BoT #1

Book of Conjurations

This journal has a funny name, taken from Book 4 from the chapter about the Book of Conjurations in Part 2. I may come up with another title, but for now it is a constant reminder to stay focused on my path, but it may take a while as I have changed the name of these particular journals too many times. This journal has essays’ written by myself, quotations from book or blogs,  illustrations, formulae, quick notes, talismans and sigils I have used successfully in the past, alphabets, poetry, photos and much more. I treat this journal more like the ‘magickal twin’ of my secret diary, with a lot more emphasis on magick and the occult sciences. This book contains extensions of posts from my videos, or from here, or even entries written in other journals. Again, like my secret diary I have lists upon lists, upon lists, upon lists located in the back, alongside little protective charms drawn on paper in the pocket. I’m sure it sounds funny, but I do put a protective seal in my journals in places people would hopefully skip past without realising. This journal is my baby! Hopefully one of the places I turn to if I finally find a publisher and a new agent, to grab information from for a book on Qabalistic magick and the occult. BoC #8

If you follow me on Instagram, I do post the odd illustration here and there. (Located in the sidebar there).

 

Check out my Holy Calendar – to see a snippet of two or three pages.

A little information on the Moleskine journals

I love my Moleskine journals – yes, I am a huge fan of Moleskine and their products which is why I happily recommend people to at least have a look at a few on their website or at your local book/stationary store. My journals are all Ruled Black/Red Notebooks – Large, 290 pages of acid free paper, cardboard bound cover with rounded corners with an expandable inner pocket with the history of Moleskine. They can be pricey, but for what they are worth, they are a bargain! Of course you can just buy the dupes, or a totally different kind of journal to store your life’s progress. I just love to write, and thankfully it’s a gift I intend to perfect.


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The Middle Pillar | Israel Regardie

midd1

‘The Middle Pillar – The Balance Between Mind and Magic’

Published: 1938

3rd Edition: 1970

 

This book puts a lot of emphasis on the meaning of magick, similar to Crowley’s theory from Book 4, and how our bodies and minds need to be clear of clutter in order to manipulate it at its best. Regardie goes into detail about psychology, fads within the world of magick and how to avoid them as a student and lots practical tips to start the process of allowing the body to start afresh, and connect with the divine. Before you learn how to perform the Middle Pillar exercise, he takes you through a few rituals and methods so you can really appreciate the ritual itself.

This book became personal for me, especially within the first few chapters of part one titled, ‘The Middle Pillar’, where I actually started questioning what I believe and what I hope to gain as a student. I have spoken to others who own the book and they have told me how good it is too. Mr. Vamp recommended this title to me and I must say how much I cherish it. Another friend told me has bought three copies in total as his precious two copies don’t look very neat anymore; a well loved book. Now, this book deals with the psychological aspects of magick, especially with Jung’s theories, and that can seem daunting to folks who aren’t familiar with these theories, but one friend did say she read this book and got the gist early on, even though I recommended this book to her back in January.

Regardie manages to be on point, honest and very blunt about his ideas, which leads you to questioning your beliefs and the systems available, even today; clearly a book written well ahead of its time.

My rating: ★★★★☆

midd2


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Book Reviews | Israel Regardie

Israel Regardie

Israel Regardie

Israel Regardie, is slowly becoming a beacon within the world of publishing and magick again. I couldn’t tell you how valuable his essays have been for my development within the last year, and even more so as the genius himself died in 1985. Like many writers, he is one those rare lights’ that doesn’t quite go out, and even years after they pass into the otherworld they still help to ignite their readers’ inner flame. I guess from my own understanding, and partly due to being introduced to him years back, and partly picking up his books last year for the first time, I felt he was a severely underrated writer and magician. A friend and student of Crowley for many years, one friendship I have recently discovered to be one of paramount respect and tension (like any true friendship is, at least in my world), Regardie went about teaching outsiders about magick, Qabalah and mysticism – sometimes with support, other times not so much (publication of the Golden Dawn series was a step too far according to Mathers). I love Regardie, and I often find his thoughts run parallel with my ‘yet-to-be-trained’ mind. It’s nice to know, my old ideas and theories have already been solidified thanks to his works – he comes from a line of distinguished magicians, similar to my training as a witch, and that has helped me pull on the most important aspects of my past to a head. The post of my theory of black magick (two or three posts back) actually stemmed from my old journals and his Tree of Life, and boy did it cause issue – to be fair, a lot of the feedback I got, especially on Tumblr was incredibly positive, so it stays.

I have recommended Regardie to a lot of my friends and followers from all paths, whether they are pagans, occultists, witches, Qabalists’, yogis or atheists etc. Most of them have come back to me and said how wonderful his teachings are, simple, mind blowing and practical. I couldn’t agree more. A few have been honest and said they only took aspects of his theories whilst disregarding the rest of the titles, stating they don’t think he is their cup of tea as far as their magick is concerned. He is open, honest and straight talking – maybe that’s just the Londoner in him, we don’t keep unnecessary shit. Some of his theories and claims can shake the reader, but in a beautifully crafted and positive manner. They way he writes can be exhausting to those who don’t have a great use of wider vocabulary, but you should be able to get the gist once you start reading. He has helped me see the world differently as a practitioner.

Now, I’m not sure what other people think of him, that is down to them and their reasoning’s, but I have been cornered a few times about my ideas, theories and practices by strangers and folks close to me, but if there is one thing that has kept my backbone strong it’s magicians like Regardie, Valiente, Mathers and Crowley who have taught me a lot. If their magick and theories worked for them, they may work for me too. They weren’t considered controversial or thought provoking for nothing! Clearly.

Over the next few days I will publish short reviews of the titles I have, the first one ‘Garden of Pomegranates’ will be published within an hour or so. Enjoy =]


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Finally Coming My Way

Yesterday I went to an interview at my first choice university application, and it went well!

I went to bed the night before, with my bags backed, feeling nervous and checking the battery life of all of the technology I was taking. I double and triple checked forms, letters and maps. Made sure the money I needed was in the right purse (I am a bit of a fashion fan, as I am sure you are aware due to TheHarlequinDays). I had to calm myself down, so I sat and meditated by my altar holding my uncut Thoth tarot, and promising I would pull a card the day after my interview. I don’t know why I didn’t just pull cards then, but I guess my nerves got the better of me. I had been to another interview the Saturday gone, and I felt fine. This choice is my first choice, so you can imagine the freak out.

Yesterday was amazing though, and the interview was a great test of my character and mind. We were given small exercises to do concerning the analysis of several poems and understanding Cant. At the end of the interview I was informed it would be a few days before I would hear anything back, and with that I left. We left Leicester city around half 3, arriving back home within the hour, and my phone was going crazy. I finally switched the kettle on, and leant on the counter to read all the incoming emails, two of which were from UCAS and the main university of choice. I started to get excited again and I clicked each message, and to my surprise I was informed that they loved my interview and were giving me an official offer for a place on the course. I hit the roof! I laughed to myself and couldn’t resist posting my delight to Facebook and Twitter. I called my mum and she was happy too, screaming, “WHAT!” down the line. I should try to remember not to have the phone on loud speaker when calling her…

This morning I woke up at my usual time to do ritual and have a big bowl of Crunchy Nut. I remembered that I needed to cut a card to focus on for the coming months leading up to this summer, and funny enough I pulled the Hanged Man card. Instead of reading the card the way I was trained, I sought the Thoth Tarot Book to see what Crowley would suggest. To be honest, this book is new and I’m still getting to grips with it, but I’ve been reading cards since I was a pre-teen so my definitions’ are similar, but not so deep in occult wisdom or Qabalah. So, assuming you all know the Hanged Man, here is a small part of that definition:

“This card, attributed to the letter Mem, represents the element of Water. It would perhaps be better to say that it represents the spiritual function of water in the economy of initiation; it is a baptism which is also a death. In the Aeon of Osiris, this card represented the supreme formula of adeptship; for the figure of the drowned or hanged man has its own special meaning. The legs are crossed so that the right leg forms a right angle with the left leg, and the arms are stretched out at an angle of 60° so as to form an equilateral triangle; this gives the symbol of the Triangle surmounted by the Cross, which represents the descent of the light into the darkness in order to re deem it. For this reason there are green disks-green, the colour of Venus, signifies Grace-at the terminations of the limbs and of the head. The air above the surface of the water is also green, infiltrated by rays of the white light of Kether. The whole figure is suspended from the Ankh, another way of figuring the formula of the Rose and Cross, while around the left foot is the Serpent, creator and destroyer, who operates all change.” – Book of Thoth Tarot, Crowley

The moment I read the first few lines I just thought, “What is my HGA up to? Why is life suddenly working out for me? Yay!” That made me smile. I know now, this will be the ultimate test to stay focused, grounded and not to spend my time worrying. Phase one of my life is most definitely coming to ahead. Finally.

hanged

Other than that, I have finally found somewhere to live and i can save money between now and September. For the awesome Thelemites’ and OTO members who have been helping me out with my spiritual studying, Thank you! I’m being introduced a wide spectrum of the occult world and its all flooding through my gates quite happily. I’ve been asked to study both OTO and AA student books, and so far they have been mind blowing. Eventually I shall sort my spiritual life out, or at least make it official and I shall have started Phase One for sure.

Thanks for the support folks. These last few weeks/months have been okay, but not great. Knowing me, I don’t like opening up about my feelings too much, and now realising that people I thought were friends don’t and will not approach me about anything anymore. I have realised I’m not everyone’s cup of tea (trust me, it has been 5 years already), and seeing as it has taken me this long to understand I’ll never be part of the ‘in-crowd’, I have decided I won’t be. I’m going to be myself, be smart and be brave, regardless.

Those of you asking when I’ll return to Youtube, I shan’t for a while, but hopefully a month or two once my head and heart are sorted. When I do come back I would like things to change for the better, as I’ll be happier sitting outside the circle and I won’t have to fear trolls or old friends letting me down. I’ll be there for me, and any future friends. My videos seem to stop a lot of people from conversing with me, and that is a shame as I put my heart and soul into reaching out, and for memories sake (my mind right now is proving that I’m getting older). Like people have told me, “Screw it Sy, do it for you. The right people will come along, form friendships with you and they’ll stay.”

Smile.

yogalift

Sy, x x


6 Comments

Alternative Witch | Liber Oz Love

42. …So with thy all; thou hast no right but to do thy will.
43. Do that, and no other shall say nay.
44. For pure will, unassuaged of purpose, delivered from the lust of result, is every way perfect.

Liber AL 1:42-44

I’m growing up! Or at least my memory is finally kicking into gear with my Thelema studies. Yay me! If there are any particular areas I expect people to keep an eye on when studying, its Liber Oz and Liber AL vel Legis. I don’t think you have to be a Thelemite as such to study and accept them. Most people who practice a form of Western esotericism and understand many of the philosophies, ideologies and practices are probably Thelemites and don’t even know it! That will be another video or post!

Liber Oz is a declaration; a solidified form of belief in oneself and a set of maxims from The Book of the Law. Live by these simple statements and see your world view change. Or at least, my world view has changed. I have recently been reading Liber Oz again, and making similar comparisons with the Blue Equinox. Not only have I started to look at magick and my life, from the point of view of the sun, but I know I must do something with myself to elevate from Malkuth up to God head. I feel like I have a purpose to fulfil; I’m not sure what just yet, but I’m going in the right direction. Everything just falls into place, the way things are supposed to. I guess, I knew things would work out, but my anxieties kept holding me back. My ego held me back also, and now I know I’m on the right track I need only to stand tall and keep my back bone rigid.

I had the intention to talk about how bad experiences within the pagan community have lead me to be the strong individual I am now, but I thought I would take a noble route instead. Have you ever sat and evaluated your life, looking for answers as to why certain folks treat you badly, knowing you haven’t done anything wrong? When you look at your life and see all the wonderful, and the bad things that have happened you suddenly realise your intelligence intimidates people. Ultimately, its their problem with you. I must say, giggling as I do, I am actually taking pride knowing I have ambition and I am actually doing something about it. Finally!

Unfortunately one area I can’t change is my skin colour. For the first time in a long time I have come across a pagan path that does not allow racism. According to Liber Oz, every man should have an opinion, and feel free to express it, but if you read between the lines it clearly states that you shouldn’t be a douche: “Every man and every woman is a star.” Regardless of colour, creed or root. (Somehow those are pretty much the same words…). On more than one occasion I have received numerous emails and comments on my videos about the fact that I shouldn’t be practising magick (Celtic, Wicca and Norse) because I’m not white enough. At the same time, when looking at me no one would ever know of my multicultural DNA, which unfortunately warrants hate mail from Africans and African Americans for not being African enough. To be honest, I am alive and well so I don’t care. I wasn’t born in the USA or Africa; I was born in the Caribbean and grew up in lower middle class Britain. The funny thing is, no matter how many times people have told me to stop following their paths, I try to listen, but the Gods have other ideas. Let me tell you one short story.

A number of years ago, when I was getting into Wicca and Celtic and Norse mythology, I did a cheeky spell asking any God to come to me and guide me (I have since updated that contact ritual for different deities, spirits and such). I started working with quite a few male deities over the following months. Cernunnos and Pan stayed with me, alongside two others. These two others were Odin and Thor; and to this day I have never told anyone of our antics and lessons. I learnt so much from them all, and thanked them often. I can remember back to when I used to daydream over images of Thor when I was a tiny child at school, so he’s always been part of my active life for as long as forever. It wasn’t until I joined a few pagan networking sites and opened up about my love for the Northern traditions that I was faced with an awful lot of racism and hostility. I quickly learnt to ignore my dreams and hid my runes so I would never open up any more hurt for myself. Something deep down kept urging to me keep the Futhark close, and keep Thor and Odin alive in a secret and small way, otherwise I would experience bad luck. Lo and behold, I ended up having a rough time until began to listen again. Every time I listened to the Gods, and put my trust in them I felt good. I learnt to put trust in myself and stand up for myself. I made the decision early on that I only had myself to rely on, and as much as I love seeing and hearing other peoples views, I have mine and I shouldn’t be afraid to share them. I shall do what I wilt, as long as I uphold the ethical and moral laws that govern the Universe.

As long as I stick to the plan, the message I received from the Gods I’ll be fine. As long as I am taught lessons, blessed and kicked into gear, I won’t let other peoples negativity get to me. To me, Liber Oz is more than a declaration, its the mapping for my True Will (or at least one element of it so far). As long as I stay within the remit of my own philosophies, it won’t matter what colour I am, what ethnicity, nationality, pagan path or gender I am; I am who I am, and according to the Gods, that’s perfect enough.

(Plus, I think its a great page to show teenagers who are dealing with depression, anxiety and peer pressure; but that’s my opinion).

Sy, 93, 93/93, x

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