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Young, Female, Thelemite | Babalon and Me, Part 2

Babalon - Scarlet Woman

Babalon – Scarlet Woman

 

What does Babalon represent? How do I sing her praises, as it were, and what makes her stand out in my understanding of Thelema? From my own notes and ideas on this glorious Being I have come to a personal understanding of who she is. Whilst Thelema is a new path for me, and seeing how other women and men within this community have bonded together, I wanted to document my struggles with understanding my own femininity and skin, at least for this year anyway. For now I thought I would share the second part of my theory, which briefly outlines how I’ve come to know Her by knowing myself on a physical and mental (emotionally subjective) level.

One thing that does get me, which may come across as just a general moan, but when one reads about Babalon without reading the texts and digesting the information, people assume she represents just sex. I mean look at the image for this post, and then type in her name into Google or something and you’ll see sexual images of a naked lady, or members of the current red-headed brigade. All beautiful, all artistically powerful and thought provoking, but on a literal scale, it’s just naked women. I like to assume I have the eyes of a culture fan, someone who appreciates and understands art, so I don’t see anything pornographic in her. I see erotica on a small level, but I see what it she represents – liberation. The unfortunate issue with the lack of understanding symbology often means that people who are interested in Thelema, or new to it assume all female Thelemites’ are whores, which is totally untrue. Plus, on a personal note the word “whore” is getting old, and I genuinely do not care if I meet someone who loves a lot of sex, I love a lot of books. One fella commented on a photo asking if he were to become a Thelemite, would it mean he’d have women eagerly lining up to have coitus with him. My personal answer would be no (sorry pal, most of us ladies enjoy sex as we are liberated through Babalon, but our spidey-senses go crazy when a sleaze approaches *mic drop*). There is so much more to Her than her cup, and so much more to Thelema than just sex. I have yet to discover the other aspect of her personality as the Scarlet Woman (physical vessel as if were).

Babalon, with her most common understanding is the personification of the “liberated woman.” She represents that inner fire we are told to quell and control from a young age. Many, if not all popular religions don’t like the idea of change, or anything that could cause individualism. Those are seen as blasphemy and fearful. If a woman wants to write, let her write. If she wants more than one lover, let her. If a person, or woman, wants to delve into a deep passion that causes them happiness without harming another, let them. Why should they be stopped? These are the sort of questions and ideas I have written down on various pages when I rant about spending a few minutes with her. I know I have a passion for certain things in life, and I intend on running toward them, and at the same time I am coming into myself as I grow and that’s important.

When folks read and study texts concerning the other titles she is given such as “whore”, it causes a slight confusion. Why would you want to awaken that side of your mind if being open and liberated is frowned upon in today’s society? The names and words used to describe would make most people shudder with shock, and if given the chance to read something like Liber Samekh it would surely leave a horrid and bitter taste in the mouth – if you do read that book try not to go for the literal written words, try and ask yourself things like, “What do certain words actually mean?”. From my personal musings on this subject I have come to realise that politics and the philosophy of controlling female empowerment and behaviour was and still is a predominant ideology. Girls are taught from a young age how to live and behave, and anyone outside that is instantly labelled a “rebel”, “strange” or “whore” for preferring to listen to themselves instead. We are taught that the natural and uncontrollable elements of nature should be kept behind the curtains. I aim to continue listen to my intuition, that gut feeling, those almost inaudible whispers from my HGA, as well as being the curious individual I am. It shouldn’t have to take Babalon to show you that the most crude elements of societal expectations and magick to see how ridiculous it all truly is. Ra-Hoor help us if someone discovers they actually enjoy something as natural and frowned upon as masturbation. We are taught to dislike the natural elements of our body, and Babalon represents how we should stop contradicting ourselves, after all we are human. We are humans living a natural and spiritual experience. I acknowledge this, and like to share it with her.

As I’ve whined on both blogs a few times, I’m a very late bloomer, and I currently love and hate it. Whilst most people were having sex, flirting their way around a parking lot or having deep conversations over popular media trends my head was in books, writing or studying film, literature and magick. Whilst most pagan and occult folks were neck deep in drumming songs for meditation or performing sex magick with lovers, I was deepening my understanding of tarot and my position in the Universe. I will happily and openly admit I fear social situations and most people in general, so you can imagine the latter half of the last 26 years were spent in therapy and my house (thank god for the internet). It wasn’t until I started studying sex magick and Thelema two years back that I really had to stop and really listen to my body. I had to make the decision to start getting to know it better, on my own, before trusting anyone else. For those in the know, I have also managed to combine the whole “survivor mentality” to understanding my own liberation too, and it’s been quite rewarding. Trying to connect myself with the goddess was going to be a hard task, but I was determined to be with her.

Since then I haven’t done a great deal. Every now and then I’ll write up commentaries that relate to the first two texts I’d really studied in my early days, Liber Cheth vel Vallum Abiegni and Of Our Babalon, and of the The Beast whereon She Rideth. I’ve written the odd commentary on particular verses for my journal, and I like to keep my knowledge going when studying the Thoth Tarot. It’s important to me to keep studying the history of her existence, but also to read about how she was represented as the Scarlet Woman for ritual. When I’m not studying I like to assimilate my femininity with hers. I dedicate time with my yoni to her, and her other forms (Sekhmet and Nuit – just general female facets of the Universe) by drawing talismans or sigils in the air, or on my body, or visualising them when I’m in the heat of the moment, and finish by thanking myself. Like I mentioned in the previous post, She is in me, I in her, and so these precious moments remind me of her power on a smaller scale, and that makes me a whore of the Universe too.

I’ve only ever planned my ideal rituals, with her imagery as part of their makeup, but I have yet to meet someone who’ll love me the way I love myself. Until that day arrives I will continue to liberate myself mentally, physically and sexually. I won’t learn to feel the fire of freedom until I do. As for learning how to actually have sex, that’s for the other blog.

Sy


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Have I Known All Along?

The more I study, and apply particular exercises and asanas with my own regimen, the more I realise that maybe I’ve been living my Will without actively noticing, or rather paying much attention to it? I’m sorry I’m so confused, and so many thoughts are rushing through my head about what I want to write, and what I shouldn’t and they are all becoming rather convoluted… Short-ish post today though.

Where's my head?!

I am studying the texts surrounding the HGA, but the more I do, the more I am confused I am about the process. I understand the HGA influences your life long before you are born, and I’ve always felt a strong desire to pursue certain goals, without really needing to attach other unnecessary options. The last few years have made it so my only focus is my life and living it well – the more I do this, the more lessons I learn, and the sharper my intuition has become. Maybe I’m just being silly, or maybe I’ve stumbled onto something, but I assumed the intuitive teachings/experiences I received in the past were subtle ways for my HGA to communicate with me. I’ve always known I had to keep in constant practice of cleansing myself through ritual in order to keep the line open. I’ve always known that if you happen to lose that connection, you wind up either having to start again or become stagnant; both of which aren’t too bad, considering it’s good to take a break once in a while, especially if you are vigilant with your daily routines during that time (a bit more is added below on this topic).

Looking back it seems I have been building my core up to become the vessel the HGA will eventually step into (does that make sense? It’s a weird day and I’ve got a headache from studying non-stop). My early days as a child witch have been the most profound as I knew something was guiding me, I just didn’t know what. The lessons and experiences I felt (some of which have left quite deep scars) have made me strong, and according to one friend I have embarked on the road to becoming that vessel. It’s nice to comprehend it, but I just feels strange not being able to fully understand it. Thelemites are taught rituals to not only cleanse the body, spiritual core and the sacred space but also to align yourself with your HGA. Over time, once you have learnt what you are supposed to, one of the most life changing ritualistic events will occur, which seeks to connect you directly with your HGA, who in turn will reveal things to you that only you will know. It’s a very personal and private moment – and some folks who have gone through this have described it as an initiation. Personally I cannot wait, but I need to understand the basics first!

I’ve always put trust into what I considered to be the Universe, and its little minion/teacher who has been with me all these years. It just becomes automatic, or second nature that I come across something and I’m nudged in that direction, but it isn’t until much later that I realise what has happened. Maybe I’m magickally slow? You could send me blessings and such and I won’t even realise unless you say so. Actually, no I think that’s just me in general :/

Hmm.

Breaks

As for breaks, a few folks have written to ask for advice on falling out of practice, what I do personally is detox myself both spiritually and physically. I stick to performing daily rituals like the LBRP and asana meditation. Liber Resh and other rituals I follow are relaxed, for example I follow Regardie’s version of Resh (in my archives) instead of following the strict solar timing. I sometimes change my diet according to how my fitness levels are, but that’s not necessary for everyone! Make sure to JOURNAL everything! Cleansing rituals are to be done every day, regardless of how you feel. If you happen to be busy, fair enough. There were times when I would be busy with a patient and I couldn’t just stop and perform Resh. The idea of these rituals is not only to cleanse, but also to practice magick properly, and develop the ideal magician.

If I were still Wiccan I would cut out all spells, and only focus on daily devotions and constantly worshipping the Gods. I would observe the sabbats as usual, but on a quieter level.

I would follow a similar method for when I was a witch, except I would focus more on the spirit, so aligning myself (meditation, yoga etc) with the Universe, and cleansing my body by detoxing my diet, I would also cut out the practice of spells and such and only continue daily devotions, until I felt better.

These are just my ideas so don’t follow them wholeheartedly, just think of them as guides to adapt and develop your own.


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I’m Just a Fool Walking These Paths

I had another look at Liber Oz, to see if it had any more ideas to give me. I tend to re-read old passages and study them with a fresh look before reading my old notes. It’s become a bit of a habit for me (do not judge; it’s my revision technique). The middle section of the declaration really stood out to me for the first time in a while, except this time on a personal level. The text I have copied up is only part of the document, and is as follows (hopefully the spelling is correct…):

  1. Man has the right to live by his own law—

to live in the way that he wills to do:
to work as he will:
to play as he will:
to rest as he will:
to die when and how he will.

  1. Man has the right to eat what he will:

to drink what he will:
to dwell where he will:
to move as he will on the face of the earth.

  1. Man has the right to think what he will:

to speak what he will:
to write what he will:
to draw, paint, carve, etch, mould, build as he will:
to dress as he will.

  1. Man has the right to love as he will:—

“take your fill and will of love as ye will,
when, where, and with whom ye will.” —AL. I. 51

  1. Man has the right to kill those who would thwart these rights.

 

I have always had the idea that you must just let people who they are. If you let them flourish, they will be the best they can when they are with you. At the same time, I saw this as a great form of advice that could be discussed in therapy sessions, in order to show the victim how not to be a victim, and also giving insight into the individual lives, ideals and pains that other people have; as a form of showing you that your pain isn’t just yours, but shared in different ways by all kinds of people. At the same time, it is exactly as it says on the tin – a declaration of man. There are other texts I have sort of “boxed together” that reaffirm my love of this text, such as Liber Tzaddi and not forgetting verses from Liber AL vel Legis, as well as others. Liber Oz is more than that. It’s personal, whilst being extremely universal.

Going back to my original objective, this new lesson has shown me something I hadn’t expected. The other side of the coin is the acceptance that you can’t be a fool and assume you can help people, or share information too freely. Some people are just ignorant, idiotic and rude when they find they are about to embark on a conversation with another person. The one thing that keeps me respectful, yet honest about who I am, is the shared understanding that we are all human. Of course, we are all Stars in the centre of our own universes, constantly colliding or flying into the orbit of other Stars we meet along the way, but for me Liber Oz is showing me the joy of that. Maybe not, it could just be that I’m young and still growing up, and becoming more mature as each day unfolds. Life is just full of surprises, but instead of brushing them off, sometimes it’s nice to say that at some point in your life you met and appreciated a wonderful teacher, or an idiot. I smile knowing I don’t understand people, and I truly refuse to try and wear a façade all the time.

Think of the Fool from the tarot, not in the popular manner of an idiot, but rather the silent master of secrets, the master of knowledge who refuses to share knowledge so openly or freely (for many reasons – most notably, the ideals that have been shared or practiced throughout history have shown that men in power are threatened by a revolt of the proles). Rather, this misunderstood being will show you the way if and when you are ready to embark on the first road. When the timing is right, you will learn things and see other things differently. At the moment the Fool is with me, reminding me that Liber Oz is opening itself in a manner I hadn’t reflected upon. Only the universe, and my silent teacher (my HGA) know what is needed for me to grow.

I wrote the following in my journal:

I have the right to be myself;

To laugh, to smile, to cry and play,

To be wise, intelligent and dull in any way I see fit,

To continue my creative pursuits as I see fit,

And not to let the words of other beings penetrate my shell.

I understand I cannot be nice all the time,

I must be respectful, honest and blunt.

In doing so, focus all of my attention on my true Will,

And complete the Great Work as the individual of my own standing.

(No more strings!)

 

One thing that did trigger off this theory again, was a conversation I had with a buddy. He checks in every so often to find out how my art projects are going, and it was actually quite sad to tell him I hadn’t picked up a sketch book in a very long time. Partly because of how my mind works – I like to draw thoughts if I can’t write them, but this past year studying Thelema has meant I have given up parts of myself in order to be more academic, and to follow suit. These days I am not bothered. Thank you JC.

I am off to doodle; I am the Fool!

496,

93, 93/93

fool


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The Slight Anger of Magickal Study

I would say I’m mostly positive about life and my spiritual ventures. I always have the importance of staying connected/keeping on track about everything I do. For me, and that of the life of the Egyptian Pharaoh, each day is a ritual. Everything I do must have an outcome that starts with me and ends with the continuous flow of emitting energies back into the great beyond. I know that sounds daft, but again, think of the Hermetic axiom “As above, so below; so below, as above.”

I have educated myself for years. I’ve seen things, heard things and even experienced amazing moments of understanding and clarity. These experiences have become a normal part of my life, so much so they became very private. I was in my own world, and I let my spiritual lessons take me where they needed me to go. I didn’t realise then that I was living out my life as a Star; being the centre of my own universe. I didn’t realise until recently that the times when I had failed at something I was beating myself up when I should have just got back up and started again sooner rather than later. Anything I did, was for me and me alone. I didn’t have any formal teachers, nor did I allow myself to describe minute details to people I had met over the years because I felt I just didn’t need to. It was around the long and dismal days, when I was trying to flush out Wicca from my system in order to have a long hard fresh look at myself that a deep seated anger began to grow. I became angry toward the practices I had learnt. I didn’t understand the methodology behind certain expectations and rituals, and even spells. I used to look at other people and wonder why they were having “out of this world” experiences, and then back at myself and wonder why I had such a theoretical brain. Why did some people see fairies and I couldn’t? Yet, even if I had worked out a way in which such visions could come to me, to what purpose would this help me find my way back to Adonai? Early on I developed the notion that each person has their own purpose in life – unfortunately some people have a need and desire to question and study everything thoroughly first, and that is also where my issue lies.

Without going into details as to why I cannot stand what Wicca has become, and how some of the people I have seen promoting it are fully aware what they are doing isn’t going to help someone become enlightened. I just get annoyed at myself for worrying during the days when I was one of tiny few who didn’t do very much magick because I felt I didn’t need to. In other words, I used to worry and fret that I wasn’t a good enough wiccan, pagan or witch because I didn’t see the logic in using magick for every little piece of misfortune that befell me – especially If I could sort it by myself without too much effort. When the occult finally opened its doors to me, I began to learn a lot about the universe, about the inner meanderings of the mind and the complexities of philosophy. My eyes were opened even wider, if those are the correct words to describe this feeling of aging. Why hadn’t I found this profound wisdom within the depths of Wicca, and a few other religions I tried my hand at. Why wasn’t there a stable maxim of its own creation? Thelema has the fundamental essays and books one should study hard, and never put down until death. I used to wish I could help folks see the world in a different light, make them open their eyes and smile at what they saw. These days I know I can’t, and I most probably won’t be able to as following something blindly without doing your own in-depth research is popular, and too normal for any development and change. Its sad, but that’s life. I’m just going through this phase in order to move forward. The anger has grown inside, but thankfully it is tame.

I have spent a great majority of my time studying and devouring all kinds of knowledge and truths. After practicing and testing out various methods for myself, it was normal for me to keep the lessons that stayed true in my heart and mind. I would put the lessons I didn’t need on the back burner, assuming I may need them in the future; these days I definitely don’t. It’s all part of growing up and evolving. So why then, is it that people who study as hard as I do wind up feeling angry about the long trip we had to take? Looking back I realise I had to go through all of that success and equal headache in order to get to where I am, and I understand that ten years from now I’ll probably curse 2013; who knows? I am still very used to studying hard, on my own. The few times I have asked for help I’m either totally ignored, or it is implied I shouldn’t ask anything. These day’s I freeze up when I come across something that baffles me, but its fine, I spent the first twelve years of my life finding the answers myself, so what’s another twelve? I’m I am proud once I find the answer, that’s for sure.

All I can say at this point is how tough stripping my old life will be. Brace yourselves – my new found confidence means I am not going to be reserved with my honesty. Things are changing, for the better.


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Angelic and Planetary Hours [Png]

You should be able to click and save each of the images below. I will go through a quick run down soon explaining them in a little more detail. For now, enjoy my badly edited video here.

sunday-monday

tuesday-wednesday

thursday-friday

saturday

They are handy for your Book of Conjurations, Book of Shadows or almanacs.

Sy, x


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My Lesser Banishing of the Pentagram Ritual [video]

Hopefully, this will make sense =]

This is my interpretation alone, from my practices.

Sy’s Thelema Bits | LBRP Breakdown

93/93, x x


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In Moments of Weakness, Egyptian Deities Give Me Strength

The following spell can be found on plate 32 of the Egyptian Book of the Dead:

 “My hair is Nun; my face is Re; my eyes are Hathor; my ears are Wepwawet; my nose is She who presides over her lotus-leaf; my lips are Anubis; my molars are Selket; my incisors are Isis the goddess; my arms are the Ram, the Lord of Mendes; my breast is Neith, Lady of Sais; my back is Seth; my phallus is Osiris; my muscles are the lords of Kheraha; my chest is He who is greatly majestic; my belly and my spine are Sekhmet; my buttocks are the Eye of Horus; my thighs and my calves are Nut; my feet are Ptah; my fingers are Orion, my toes are living Uraei; there is no member of mine devoid of a god; and Thoth is the protection of all my flesh.” -From the Book of the Dead, Plate 32 – trans by RO Faulkner

The other night, I was having one of those moments when I lay back and just wonder about my life so far. I thought about why I was single, and why the men I’d like dislike me so much. What is it about my intelligence that is so off? Why am I drawn to comic books, magick & mysticism, Shakespeare, E. E. Cummings or Aleister Crowley? Why am I so alone in those topical subjects? What I have done wrong to be in this place, without a degree, decent job, a place of my own and in a relationship? Worst of all, I find I ask myself and the Universe what is wrong with my exterior. Why am I not attractive enough to be taken seriously? Those are the constant questions of a person who struggle’s coming to terms with their being. In times like this, I have to relax and repeat to myself that I am cool, nerdy and wise; so why do I suddenly become so crippled with these indignations?

I am a keen believer in fate and I am open to the path that the Gods are taking me down, and so far they have shown me to paths I would never change for anything. I have a deep faith in all things from the Gods. The path you have isn’t one where you just stand by and just things happen, you have to ask questions, you have to be aware of other ways in figuring out a situation. From that point, in some small way, I feel we have free will. When we break outside the barrier of fate, you fall into the hands of destiny. It is destiny that provokes a lust for life, learning and experiences. It is destiny that you define for yourself with or without the help of supreme beings or enlightened power. In other words, I’m not one who will stand by whilst the world rushes past me and shrug with “It is fate.” I will change that fate and run with the world.

I have spoken briefly before how I like to align myself in the way of the Gods. I like to make it known to them I am fully open at certain times, especially during meditation, mantra, ritual, yoga and other forms of connecting to higher energies, for them to instruct me in the correct ways. I am careful with these rituals as I make sure to cast a circle and protect myself energetically so other entities can’t interfere. Spirits are bloody annoying though… They are so bad with timing its shocking! – Another time. Once the Gods have bestowed what knowledge they want me to know, I use that lesson as a way of keeping tabs on my development. One of the most intense rituals I have written recently took about an hour or so to perform after the circle and quarters were called. It involved me asking the Gods to remove pain from my heart which ever means necessary. That is vague… but I must keep silent. For the past few days I have been feeling rough. Feeling really bad about my life at the moment, the shape of my body but directed at my face more than anything. Phoenix sent me the quote as we both have the same Book of the Dead by RO Faulkner and he basically fulfilled part of the ritual I had performed. I asked for a message, and there he was. Part une complete!

Today I looked in the mirror and read the spell with my black and white candles, dabbed my head with sacred oil and followed through with Egyptian gestures. I want to feel better knowing the Gods are with me. All I needed to do was remind myself that everything has a reason, but I need to make it work with the help of the Gods.

What do you all do in moments of weakness?

Sy x