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I’m Taking a Break

I had originally titled this post,’A Chance to Explain What Has Been Going On’. I sat at the computer for the last few nights trying to work out what to say and how to say it. I used to think I was creative with words, but I don’t think I am these days (block?). I need to get better, and since the rest of my life will consist of me writing, publishing and teaching within the realms of literature and research I need practice. Practice with writing, practice with making my point and making sense.

I used to read tons of books, make notes and then openly discuss my issues or questions with people online, due to their pagan paths. In the real world these days, there is a small number of people to talk to. Whenever I get lost or just want to air a thought, most of you have been awesome. It’s true what they say, once you appear on YouTube you have to accept the shit that comes your way, and I do most of the time. YouTube and my blog are my only outlet, and if I’m stuck those have been the places I’ve gone to in order to receive answers. I’m just one girl, with a mind that is constantly in operation (I don’t sleep well either, due to stress if thinking about everything all the time).

On top of that, my path has opened up so much thought provoking analysis, and practices. They have done nothing but good for me, and it sucks I feel I cannot shout how happy I am for the first time in years; at least not on YouTube for a while. I thought I was making progress, but it turns out in making one mistake after another. I’m working on that. Need to be better. Just wish someone could be on par with me and tell me how tough it was in the beginning, so I don’t feel too bad. I’m a little perfectionist at heart, so I kind of want some things to work well in general. So many of you ask me questions, ask me for guidance and for tips/advice. I love that. Makes me feel like I am apart of something. This is why it’s hard for me to write this.

I am learning things at such a rapid pace, so much goodness has just opened up and my spirituality is really being kneaded by the heavens. So much so, it’s getting overwhelming and my emotions have been all over the place. I need a little time to work on the forceful nature of my growth, and balance myself again. Going off kilter isn’t good, as you end up focusing on the tiny bad details, instead of the good. I’m learning about who I am as a person and so far it’s been cool. I’m learning to override my arrogance, naïvety and cynicism. But, best if all, I’m learning to say yes (thanks Lord Hawaii*).

Taking time off filming. I need to. The blog will stay, but it will be frequent. As my path unfolds, it’s an automatic button in me to question everything. It’s what I was taught at school. Don’t follow something so blindly; question everything. I’ve been doing that, totally hoping to be honest and truthful, but messing up big time. But who do you talk to when something comes up? I need to stop my head from floating in the clouds. I can’t be in a good place forever, and nor can I educate. Haha, I actually suck at this! I wish I had listened years back. I need to find another way to question everything, without directing them at me, myself and I, or YouTube.

I’ll still blog, but nothing too personal for a little while. Restricting my questions and theories to my journal and head. I shall change up a few bits too, for easy navigation.

Please note, anything I say or theorise is my own. I’m so new to Thelema I don’t want to call myself a Thelemite anymore, and bare in mind I take the freedom of practice very seriously. One day I’ll feel balanced enough again and put my 93 hat back on.

Sy.


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Angelic and Planetary Hours [Png]

You should be able to click and save each of the images below. I will go through a quick run down soon explaining them in a little more detail. For now, enjoy my badly edited video here.

sunday-monday

tuesday-wednesday

thursday-friday

saturday

They are handy for your Book of Conjurations, Book of Shadows or almanacs.

Sy, x


8 Comments

Preaching to the Wrong Crowd

Next year I am going to reshuffle my online life. Deleting unwanted people. Forever shutting off the ‘Add Friend’ button on Facebook, (I get a ton of people adding me, and then suggesting I should add their friends; for what? You don’t know me? Later…). From now on, if I am getting to know you and vice versa I’ll ask to add you. Anyway, that’s for another paragraph. I also need to write more, and accept that my path is taking me places I am too enthralled to keep to myself. Obviously, I have to keep a lot of my practices and personal feelings to myself, but thankfully I have come to realise I was preaching to the wrong crowd.

Actually, I always wondered why I was never able to fit in with other Wiccans, Eclectic Wiccans, New Age fanatics and calming pagans with my thoughts and theories, or my seemingly ‘over the top’ lust for pagan academia. Now I know. Mr. Vamp had to tell me. I was moaning about my ‘past life’ as a Wiccan in denial and he laughed, looked me dead in the eyes with his seductive blue pixels and said, (in a posh Irish accent) “You’re preaching to the wrong crowd! Oh my Gawd… You’ll find ears with us instead.”

One of my major plans for next year is to join the OTO, and look forward to working my way up from Minerval degree (guest degree) right up as far as I can for the rest of my life. This will be the first religious order I would actually mould to my practices, and the first religion I will mould my life. This will be the first order I will have an active role in, one that I have chosen for myself, rather than being brought up or forced into one. This will be the starting point of my religious life as it were; one half of my adult life.

I’m just waiting to hear back… The holiday season was the worse time to enquire! I had planned on doing a Golden Dawn style study for a year and a day before enquiring, but spiritual forces kept pushing me, a few OTO friends were saying how delighted they would be if I became a member, but Mr. Vamp topped it off by saying, “You’ll be our sister dar; join! (But only if you want to, though I know you will anyway you Leo, you).”

Other than that, its a waiting game. I knew this year would be special.

As for Facebook and other social networking sites, I am cleaning up early. Facebook is too personal and I have friends I talk to daily who I would love to see on my friends list. Twitter is just perfect, but like I said, I have wonderful friends on there I’d like to be on Facebook. I’m on Instagram, Tumblr, Lady Gaga (soon to be deleted as I don’t use it anymore) and YouTube. I have an official page on Facebook so I would prefer fans to go there for updates, blog posts and new videos, rather than clog up my friends list and never talk or reply to me. On more than one occasion I have been added to someone’s list, only to find out they’ve never watched my videos, read my blog or seen my website. It begs the question; why did you add me?

At the same time, these individuals then suggest friends who will never talk to me. This friend didn’t ask my permission let alone say they were suggesting someone. So I would accept just to save face. Now I just can’t be bothered; I’m there for me only. YouTube is a topic I can’t stop moaning about, with people selling their wares and making money like the Renaissance Popes charged citizens to repent. Modern Eclectic YouTube Wicca is a business, not a religion. I just hate when they say Gardner’s name; its blasphemy as far as I am concerned.

Things have gotten much better since coming out of the second closet as a Thelemite. A small group of occultists and pagan academics have written to me, shared information and I have been excited about delving into my studies. Like I said, like attracts like and I finally found my niche. I’m making friends and chatting away with famous and non famous OTO members and Thelemites. It has been a different kind of whirlwind; exciting and grounding.

As things are going the way my True Will has dictated, I need to strip off the old life as it were. What a better time to start. The New Year is approaching, and I have just finished the set up for the New Years Eve ritual to Janus. I’ll ask him to guide me through the veil and propel me forward into a life of Love, Law and Light.

Sy 93, 93/93 x

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5 Comments

My Lesser Banishing of the Pentagram Ritual [video]

Hopefully, this will make sense =]

This is my interpretation alone, from my practices.

Sy’s Thelema Bits | LBRP Breakdown

93/93, x x


2 Comments

I’m Not Crazy After-all | Hidden Wisdom Lecture

I was sent a link about Tim Wallace-Murphy’s book ‘Hidden Wisdom: Secrets of the Western Esoteric Tradition’, which I have put in my Amazon basket already. It is such a lovely lecture, presented by an equally lovely man. He goes into a lot of detail about the esoteric traditions and their roots, ranging as far back as the Ancient Egyptians, Ancient Greeks/Romans with information on the Knights Templar and symbology. However, for this post I am only going to pull out one or two areas that rung true to me, or at least got me thinking.

Watch the lecture here, it’s a must see!

It is the ideal lecture on understanding where your magickal teachings come from. More than anything, I picked up early on about the difference between religion and spirituality, in which he stated and agreed with an old friend that religion is man-made, whilst spirituality is natural and free. I have always thought this, and deep down I knew I was spiritual, and always felt akin to my spiritual friends. I was pretty much alone in my early theories, arguing back and fourth with religious people from all walks of life, whether it was Christians, Wiccans and most recently, a handful of Thelemites. They all pretty much said the same thing, “You need religion to get on in life. You can’t have spirituality without religion.” Which I have disproved so many times; I am living proof. On the other side, when I say that I believe esoteric traditions to be more spiritually grounded, people have often told me I am wrong too. Exempli gratia, witchcraft is spirituality, Druidry and Thelema are considered religions with a direct link to spiritual purity, and so I would categorise them as being ‘Spiritual Religions’. As much as I dislike the word religion, I use it to emphasise the difference between freedom and structure (or doctrine). What has me perplexed is the fact that something like Thelema, which is a religion, clearly teaches you that in order to be spiritual you must go out and seek that natural water for your own heart, which is a spiritual notion, so I can’t think of Thelema as a religion all the time. Thelema is too beautiful and life affirming to have a dirty word like “Religion’ bestowed on it? Am I crazy? I can feel the crazy looks…

It is nice to know that my theories aren’t all hokum after all. Guru Jonboi (haha) would agree with me, on the grounds that spirituality and religions are two different things. Thinking back to the first phone call we had when we spoke about their differences, listening to what he was saying sent warmth down my spine; everything he said, was almost word for word coming from my mind. It felt great. To this day we still read from the same page, regardless of where we are spiritually. He leans more to the Eastern philosophies, whilst I roam the wilds of the Ancients.

Later on Wallace-Murphy goes into detail about the early Ancient Egyptian influence on the creation of Judaism. I came across a few similarities and arguments during my research and practice days. I often looked up the beginnings of The Emerald Tablet, The Kybalion and its inspirations, Kemeticism and the famed Hermes Trismestagus who could have been Moses. It’s fascinating information I tell you. It makes me think up new possible theories, but I have taught myself not to say anything out loud to people in case I am stomped on by a hundred angry men (that’s why I write on my blog, only a few eyes read it, so I can get away with it! :P).

I have always felt proud of where I was going, knowing I was right all along. All of the lessons, paths and practices I have adopted are spiritual without a doubt, and to top it off, they all fall under Hermetic practises, and Thelema most certainly. As I have mentioned a few times, my spiritual life in the last 13 years has grown, and I have only dropped Wicca, the Wiccan Rede and the minor Celtic traditions as the religious aspect of my search for a religiously spiritual home. Everything else has stayed firmly in place, as I need them all to function as a witch, Thelemite and esoteric occultist. Gnosis anyone? Joke.

I am so happy to finally prove that I am on the right track! In your face! XD

Sy, x

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4 Comments

When Quality Dies 2 | I Deleted 50+ Videos

Please read the previous post here before reading this one.

There were 2 more points, but because I tend I to write things straight from the mind, I didn’t write them down before hand. I am a fool, I know this, please do not tell me. *face palm* If I remember what they are, I’ll jot them down before publishing here.

—–

I come to a point in the day when I am reading something quite profound, or watching a documentary where the presenter is repeating what I feel in my heart, word for word. When that happens I just feel a sense of acceptance within. Does that make sense? I mean, more along the lines of knowing that the ideas and concepts I came up with aren’t as far fetched as I thought. There is something stirring in the recesses of my mind, and part of me believes that magickal/occult/spiritual knowledge is most definitely innate. You can’t have these concepts of spirituality, and see their physical patterns/manifestation in nature if the Gods hadn’t given you that ability. Think about Decartes meditation on Gods “Trademark Argument”. If you are unfamiliar here is a super quick run down:

God is a tradesman, a jack of all trades. When he made us, which ever way you believe, he left his trademark on us. And there you have it. To expand, on a occult/witchy level, I believe that mark is our connection to him/her/it. Its our wired modem to the Universe. The only way to boost ourselves, and make that connection fast is to find ourselves and start at the base, at malkuth.

Over time, we will come across trials and harsh lessons, coupled with the wonderful effects of our Will going well. For me, this has been happening for some time. The problem I have is knowing I am pretty much a tiny percent of the pagan population, and thus there aren’t many people to turn to. I wish I could upload videos on the Qabalah, or videos on my fan-dom over writers I love. I wish I could just ask people for advice and help when I need it; but I can’t because I will look like a total fool. When I uploaded the brief video on Kameas, asking for folks to come forward, not many people did. I actually felt crap after a few days. I just kept myself why? What was the point? Ain’t nobody gonna understand you, fool! That’s one video I may delete quite soon too.

The one major thing that has made me stop in my tracks is the fact that I know I am changing, and I have to let go of that old life. The person I was back then is no longer the person I am now, nor who I will be in future. I guess in a way, I am trying to show myself that I am that change. I am being initiated again, as it were. A long while back I was initiated. At first I wasn’t sure but I was excited. I think I may have done a video on it, but I have no idea if it still there or not. When I told a few friends about it, they were the ones who confirmed that it was an initiation; I have gone with the flow since, and have asked my newest friends who also confirmed it.

The person I was, and the person I am becoming will appear more as time goes on. I think that is the reason why the Gods have blessed me with a new name. A while back the word ‘Zenais’ kept popping up in dreams (read the second or third previous post). At first, as I was researching into my HGA (high guardian angel or higher self), I assumed I was supposed to give it that name. That’s the person I will become once I am enlightened fully. I will connect with her. She is my Goddess; I am Goddess; I am Buddha.

Ohmigawd… Just writing that last bit sent chills down my spine! In a good way! I am getting closer!

All of the spiritual paths I have learnt from, and still learning from all form the basis of my spiritual life. They all moulded who I am and I am grateful and thankful beyond belief. These paths will nourish me for the rest of my life. I don’t pick and choose as and when boredom hits, because I have never been bored so far. I have hit a point on a particular path where it no longer tastes good and I will drop it almost immediately, such as Wicca. If I become confused, I have learnt to look at the sutras, BOtL and Ptah Hotep, but I will ask folks for help, if I am lost or lonely. I am just going to focus on myself and how I make an effect on the world.

Like I said before, there is more, but I can’t think straight. I am going to leave it there, but please watch the following videos to get a grasp of where I am coming from. They are yoga videos, all less that 4 minutes long.

Ryan Leier – Yoga Is
Ryan Leier – The Six Poisons
Ryan Leier – The Six Vitamins

Sy, x

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6 Comments

When Quality Dies | I Deleted 50+ Videos

Do you know what it’s like knowing no matter much you want to integrate or become part of the ‘group’, you can’t? There are changes occurring, both spiritual and on a material level. In order for me to get my head around these changes I have done a few things that will ease the lessons I’ll need to grasp. The idea for this post was to detail the magical formulas of L.V.X, I.A.O. and possibly touch on INRI and NOX. However wonderful those formulas and philosophical theories are, therein lies the problem. I won’t explain them well, let alone be able to show you how to operate them as I am still trying to work my way through them. As a few very magickally adept practitioners constantly remind me, I am going through the dark night of the soul. My soul is yearning to meet my higher self, and in doing so exposing my inner, most sensitive core. As you can imagine it is exciting and scary at the same time.

I have so many thoughts swimming around my head. So, so many. I wish I could open a small door to let them fall out. The only way they have gotten out so far is in my new magick Moleskine. Even then, its just a jumble of paragraphs and pages that all have one theme in common: change. Now, my thoughts are still rather convoluted so bare with me as you read this. I have devised a small point list thing to help guide my words. Hopefully it will make sense.

1) The pagan community on YouTube:
Okay, for those of you who know me, especially over the last few years, I am a typical young lady who is no longer a child, but not yet a woman. I am a confused wreck, who seeks comfort and confirmation in order to have a boost of confidence. You all know I am not someone who finds making friends very easy at all. However, when I joined the community back in 07? I made a ton of friends, and then started to vlog in 09. It has been a lovely journey. Meeting and greeting people from all over the world, and forming friendships I could only ever dream of. I met most of my best friends within the community, and I thank the Gods each time I hear from them. Jack, as most of you know has a successful book binding business and I support him all the way. Candace is not only spiritual, creative and hot, she is a wonderful photographer. I could go into a ton of detail concerning many people I love and admire as friends, but that would take a while, but know I love you.

(Do your thing Flora!)

Now, with the good times, you get the bad. I have issues with homelessness, money and depression, which meant I have been away from the YouTube community for an awful long time. But, long before all of that stopped me from vlogging there were cracks within the community. Sadly, some vloggers didn’t say my name in their rant videos, but they described me quite well. There aren’t many London witches in YouTube land, let alone back in 2010. I am someone who is neutral or mostly positive. I like to give advice or ask for help. I stopped doing too many VR’s and stopped my readings. I became overwhelmed with the amount of people wanting things or information rather than making friends. It became a place where some individuals wanted fame and numbers, rather than quality. Speed forward 2 more years and now the themes are, drama, fame, quantity and business. There doesn’t seem to be much quality out there anymore and its getting on my nerves. There are a very small number of vloggers who are there for expression of thought and to make friends, like me and the folks from before 2011. Those are the people I will support continuously because I know they will succeed on a more grounded level, instead of being something they are not.

For the lack of interest in quality, I deleted even more videos. Totalling something like 125 videos that have gone since I first started clearing up months ago. I have a few more I want to delete. Mostly because the personal message I embedded in each one is no longer something I want to share, and partly because I am an academic witch. No one likes a boring know it all who could summon spirits quite easily, instead of casting love spell after love spell, now do they?

2) The Holy Laws and Maxims I adhere to:

I will go into more detail about these sometime. Maybe. Depends on if you want to know.

The main areas I stem insight, balance and practice from are:

♣The Maxims of Ptah-Hotep
♣The Book of the Law
♣The Kybalion (check my Hermeticism series so far to get an idea)

Other areas of interest come from the Wiccan Rede (even though I am not a wiccan), Gestalt prayer (thanks to TheFourQueens and my old yet horrid psychology teacher), 42 Virtues of Ma’at, Yogic sutras and Buddhist sutras. I am sure there are others, but I can’t think of them right now.

For me, life is about living the Middle way. If I see something bad happening I won’t walk away, but neither will I stay. Exempli gratia: the YouTube pagans–I will continue making videos, but I won’t worry about the dramas or quantity. My channel is for me, just like the choices I make I life. I am there for me now, and that suits me quite well.

The other point comes down to my sudden ascension or spiritual growth of some kind? I have found the path I am meant to be on, or at least the path I need to follow for now. I have been pointed to this path for years, and it seems that the Gods have had total control. Its wonderful, fun, bad and crazy. These days, the phrase “To be silent,” couldn’t be more obvious. I am learning things at a pace that is fast and new. I also understand with my many failed attempts at asking for help and receiving none via my vlogs, the lessons I learn are to be kept secret until further notice. At the same time, my Thelemite, occult, witch, yoga and pagan friends have been amazing. These people aren’t in the YouTube pagan community, and you can see why that is refreshing. So far, my confidence has fallen dramatically and now I feel to keep my worries, confusion and wanderings to myself and a small number of these offline folks. Before, I may have uploaded various topics and openly discussed my lessons, but nowadays I am limiting my thesis to my blog, journals and future books.

Basically, I am becoming more alone on this path, partly due to choice and partly because the YouTube pagans make it clear there isn’t much space for thinking outside the circle.

To be continued… As another post.

Sy, x

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