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Young, Female, Thelemite | Babalon and Me, Part 2

Babalon - Scarlet Woman

Babalon – Scarlet Woman

 

What does Babalon represent? How do I sing her praises, as it were, and what makes her stand out in my understanding of Thelema? From my own notes and ideas on this glorious Being I have come to a personal understanding of who she is. Whilst Thelema is a new path for me, and seeing how other women and men within this community have bonded together, I wanted to document my struggles with understanding my own femininity and skin, at least for this year anyway. For now I thought I would share the second part of my theory, which briefly outlines how I’ve come to know Her by knowing myself on a physical and mental (emotionally subjective) level.

One thing that does get me, which may come across as just a general moan, but when one reads about Babalon without reading the texts and digesting the information, people assume she represents just sex. I mean look at the image for this post, and then type in her name into Google or something and you’ll see sexual images of a naked lady, or members of the current red-headed brigade. All beautiful, all artistically powerful and thought provoking, but on a literal scale, it’s just naked women. I like to assume I have the eyes of a culture fan, someone who appreciates and understands art, so I don’t see anything pornographic in her. I see erotica on a small level, but I see what it she represents – liberation. The unfortunate issue with the lack of understanding symbology often means that people who are interested in Thelema, or new to it assume all female Thelemites’ are whores, which is totally untrue. Plus, on a personal note the word “whore” is getting old, and I genuinely do not care if I meet someone who loves a lot of sex, I love a lot of books. One fella commented on a photo asking if he were to become a Thelemite, would it mean he’d have women eagerly lining up to have coitus with him. My personal answer would be no (sorry pal, most of us ladies enjoy sex as we are liberated through Babalon, but our spidey-senses go crazy when a sleaze approaches *mic drop*). There is so much more to Her than her cup, and so much more to Thelema than just sex. I have yet to discover the other aspect of her personality as the Scarlet Woman (physical vessel as if were).

Babalon, with her most common understanding is the personification of the “liberated woman.” She represents that inner fire we are told to quell and control from a young age. Many, if not all popular religions don’t like the idea of change, or anything that could cause individualism. Those are seen as blasphemy and fearful. If a woman wants to write, let her write. If she wants more than one lover, let her. If a person, or woman, wants to delve into a deep passion that causes them happiness without harming another, let them. Why should they be stopped? These are the sort of questions and ideas I have written down on various pages when I rant about spending a few minutes with her. I know I have a passion for certain things in life, and I intend on running toward them, and at the same time I am coming into myself as I grow and that’s important.

When folks read and study texts concerning the other titles she is given such as “whore”, it causes a slight confusion. Why would you want to awaken that side of your mind if being open and liberated is frowned upon in today’s society? The names and words used to describe would make most people shudder with shock, and if given the chance to read something like Liber Samekh it would surely leave a horrid and bitter taste in the mouth – if you do read that book try not to go for the literal written words, try and ask yourself things like, “What do certain words actually mean?”. From my personal musings on this subject I have come to realise that politics and the philosophy of controlling female empowerment and behaviour was and still is a predominant ideology. Girls are taught from a young age how to live and behave, and anyone outside that is instantly labelled a “rebel”, “strange” or “whore” for preferring to listen to themselves instead. We are taught that the natural and uncontrollable elements of nature should be kept behind the curtains. I aim to continue listen to my intuition, that gut feeling, those almost inaudible whispers from my HGA, as well as being the curious individual I am. It shouldn’t have to take Babalon to show you that the most crude elements of societal expectations and magick to see how ridiculous it all truly is. Ra-Hoor help us if someone discovers they actually enjoy something as natural and frowned upon as masturbation. We are taught to dislike the natural elements of our body, and Babalon represents how we should stop contradicting ourselves, after all we are human. We are humans living a natural and spiritual experience. I acknowledge this, and like to share it with her.

As I’ve whined on both blogs a few times, I’m a very late bloomer, and I currently love and hate it. Whilst most people were having sex, flirting their way around a parking lot or having deep conversations over popular media trends my head was in books, writing or studying film, literature and magick. Whilst most pagan and occult folks were neck deep in drumming songs for meditation or performing sex magick with lovers, I was deepening my understanding of tarot and my position in the Universe. I will happily and openly admit I fear social situations and most people in general, so you can imagine the latter half of the last 26 years were spent in therapy and my house (thank god for the internet). It wasn’t until I started studying sex magick and Thelema two years back that I really had to stop and really listen to my body. I had to make the decision to start getting to know it better, on my own, before trusting anyone else. For those in the know, I have also managed to combine the whole “survivor mentality” to understanding my own liberation too, and it’s been quite rewarding. Trying to connect myself with the goddess was going to be a hard task, but I was determined to be with her.

Since then I haven’t done a great deal. Every now and then I’ll write up commentaries that relate to the first two texts I’d really studied in my early days, Liber Cheth vel Vallum Abiegni and Of Our Babalon, and of the The Beast whereon She Rideth. I’ve written the odd commentary on particular verses for my journal, and I like to keep my knowledge going when studying the Thoth Tarot. It’s important to me to keep studying the history of her existence, but also to read about how she was represented as the Scarlet Woman for ritual. When I’m not studying I like to assimilate my femininity with hers. I dedicate time with my yoni to her, and her other forms (Sekhmet and Nuit – just general female facets of the Universe) by drawing talismans or sigils in the air, or on my body, or visualising them when I’m in the heat of the moment, and finish by thanking myself. Like I mentioned in the previous post, She is in me, I in her, and so these precious moments remind me of her power on a smaller scale, and that makes me a whore of the Universe too.

I’ve only ever planned my ideal rituals, with her imagery as part of their makeup, but I have yet to meet someone who’ll love me the way I love myself. Until that day arrives I will continue to liberate myself mentally, physically and sexually. I won’t learn to feel the fire of freedom until I do. As for learning how to actually have sex, that’s for the other blog.

Sy


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Young, Female, Thelemite | Babalon and Me, Part 1

There are so many areas of politics that do not allow the female body to be seen, let alone worshipped, or her spirit honoured without some sort of advisory warning (#FreeTheNipple anyone?). So imagine an even smaller world within pagan and occult circles where such matters are seen equally, so long as it adheres to the guidelines set by modern beauty politics; light objectification of the female body (only ever between skinny and fat, never the inbetweens or “skinny-fat” like myself), European beauty standards on all levels of looks and personality (Isis is favoured because she is a mother, but make sure to cut out any major traits that simulate her with Egypt and Africa, and stick with lightening her skin tone, and definitely no Sekhmet because she’s wild and clearly “black”). But like most modern spiritual paths and religions, honouring the female, and obviously honouring myself, is slowly becoming accepted and expected. People are slowly coming to understand the true notion of duality, in nature, ourselves and in spiritual beings (deities, elements, nature etc). With the way people are being influenced daily it will be a while before a large number of us actually put duality into practice. So Babalon then? Where does she fit into my life? And how open can I be about my love for her? Let me think.

Babalon is Our Lady. She is a spirit, a force, an energy etc. something limitless and outside of time. Think of her as the female version of “God”. His equal, his counterpart, himself as a woman, the calm at the base of a fire, and the fuel at the same time. She is everything. She is in everything. She is half of one. In my head she represents the inner animalism and desire of the psyche. Think of the Thoth tarot, Atu XI Lust, that is her. She rides on the back of the seven-headed beast from Revelations (you can totally be a Christian Thelemite, trust me it’s a lot easier than you think), holding her Cup (there are many connotations of what the cup symbolises, but we shall stick with the womb and creation). She is the culmination of all human behaviour, good and bad, and she is freedom personified. See why she’s so highly celebrated amongst Thelemites?

If you remind yourself of Liber AL vel Legis, with the popular verse “there is no god but man,” one could easily assimilate the notion that if God is around, inside and outside of us, then so are other beings like Babalon. Babalon is, to me anyway, the personification of our psyches’ regardless of gender. She captures the Zeitgeist of ritual, and that warm and electric feeling when you’re on your own honouring yourself. She is that sacred place centred on the body, the yoni, that fire that draws on the linga.

My early awakening around who god was, and how it was to be perceived often centred around the pagan notion of the goddess —hence why the gods were ever present, my brain was clearly trying to teach me a model to apply equally later on. For years I could never connect myself with the goddess properly (according to the popular guidelines of separating humans from gods), but I had always been lucky in honouring her in my own private way. To me understanding the goddess meant understanding that I was also a goddess, a concept at the time that seemed kind of comforting and yet so otherworldly. I did not like the idea of separating genders nor separating the gods from who I was. Whilst most pagans would dance around a flowery circle screaming and singing the name of various goddesses, I was practising kundalini yoga by myself, I was teaching myself how to be more of a woman, and I was also enjoying loving myself. I wasn’t part of the group and I knew deep down that for the rest of my life I was never going to be. I learned to love myself by understanding the goddess and god.

But to add another theory, whilst women have a cup (with which we must fill or exercise often), men also have half of that mentally. How can you honour the god by ignoring that side of yourself? Same as how can you honour the goddess if you ignore that side too? Remember, Nuit cannot function without Hadit, and vice versa. (Just a theory guys, at this stage in my two year Thelemic career I am bound to fuck up!) Maybe then, that’s the reason why I’m such a weird kind of woman, on a quest to find love. I know it sounds strange or super juvenile but I want a linga to join my yoni someday, but for now Babalon is reminding me that I already have that push and that confidence I need to open up and love myself, by myself or with a partner. Bearing in mind Babalon is not all about sex or sexual activity, but more about the desires and the knowledge, and the freedoms that you wish to know, from the inside.

Imagine my surprise, after falling in love with Thelema when all of my “unconventional/clearly-not-part-of-the-circle-gang” practices were celebrated and allowed regardless of ethnicity and gender. Sure there’s Crowley and his annoying habit of being once being human (he’s a dead human now folks) with his likes and dislikes, his contradictory racism, and his secret love of painting black prostitutes when frequenting America (as far as I know only one painting remains out of the collection that he did), but there is more to Thelema than just the man who reminded us of this path. (Background information: Crowley didn’t quite invent Thelema, as it’s always been there for centuries, but he was responsible for ironing out the kinks and tying up loose ends). It’s such a lovely notion to think that even though I am “out-of-the-loop” within Thelemic circles, that some of my friends do remind me that I have Babalon inside too (you know who are, and I love you for that too). I have fallen for something that I see myself in, even if it’s under the surface.

Thelema has solidified my personal growth, whether it be through Liber AL vel Legis, Liber Oz or honouring Hadit and Nuit, or the other many things out there. Speaking with all kinds of women from the Thelemic world I have found two modes of thought: 1) Your gender doesn’t matter so much, Her inspiration lives within everyone and she reminds us of that drive to keep pursuing our dreams and desires, and 2) Even though you don’t fit current ideals, Balalon is there to be worshipped in all Her forms, regardless of her popular images. Honour her by honouring yourself. I know I definitely don’t fit Old Æon beauty ideals, let alone political ones, but within the Current flow I know I am Babalon, she is me, we are god, and so are you.

In nomine Babalon. As above, so below.

Sy

Babalon

Babalon – MisterChuck tagged me in this photo I was so pleased. I don’t feel left out within Thelema – not too much anyway.


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A Mad Theory About Black Magick and Malkuth

The term “black magick” has always been on my mind; what does it mean? What is considered black, and is magick truly black at times? The one thing I’ve recently taken upon myself is the understanding, and misinterpretation of language and words. In this case I will discuss two words, often mistaken as having the same meaning, “Witchcraft” and “magick”. I won’t go into my theory of each word until tomorrow, but hopefully this short post will give you an idea.

Tree of Life

Tree of Life

If you ask anyone within the pagan world what they consider to be black magick, many would agree it is the performance of negative witchcraft. Whilst this holds true to more nature based paths, or modern eclectic strains of pagan spiritualism, this definition is unofficial and too flexible. This is the reason why I have asked it, and pondered about it for over a decade. If a term needs constant revision, or modifying to fit a mould it clearly does not fit, then it can’t be a solid base to gain any further knowledge or understanding from. For me, I used to follow the guidelines about its definition from various authors and folks online. All, but a small few would argue over what the correct terminology is, and how their personal and spiritual view is more important than the other. Over the last few years with my shift into general witchcraft and the occult sciences my understanding of black magick has changed. My first idea followed the theory of nature being both good and bad, making sure to drop the Christian coding system of placing things into the two columns’ good and evil. I remember studying something about deities of Kemet who have a bad reputation, and the author expressed how these deities, including Kemetic demons were actually seen as vital morals for a practitioner. After a storm (bad) there is always new growth on the land (good). Good and bad are in constant flow with other; you cannot have one without the other. This was enough to help me understand the importance of Yin and Yang in nature and the Universe. I believe this is the natural flow with normal contemplation.

Lately my idea of black magick has extended even further. Magicians refer to black magick as witchcraft that is used for good or bad reasons, but that witchcraft won’t help to accomplish the Great Work. For example, a friend is sick and you perform healing witchcraft (spells) to help shift the sickly energy around her. Ask yourself, how has that taught you anything spiritual? How does that bring you closer to Kether/Universe/Godhead? At this moment in time I don’t see anything that spiritually beneficent for me? Maybe I’m just not seeing it. I’ve used witchcraft to help her magick flow properly, but that is all I recognise. I have given into the definition of the word black, and then applied it to my magick.

Black – adjective, black·er, black·est, noun, verb, adverb, adjective

1. Lacking hue and brightness; absorbing light without reflecting any of the rays composing it.

2. Characterized by absence of light; enveloped in darkness: a black night.

 

The “absence of light” and the first definition implies you need light to see through blackness. From the spectrum of magick, one must find the inner blackness to find the light – or accept the blackness in your life in order to fully appreciate the light. Witchcraft is about spells and rituals, symbols and practice, whilst magick is a type of inner yoga that resides with the soul; it is not physical. Therefore “black magick” should be categorised as non-spiritual and materialistic, whilst “black witchcraft” is the use of spells, rituals and manifesting magick for either good or bad means. Agree to disagree? It is still and undefined theory of mine… I could be wrong. The Tree of Life supports my theory.

The other day I asked this on my page, and got the following response from the ever inspiring Mr. Theli:

“I’ve been wondering recently, has anyone ever considered spells, whether they are for good health or strength, or even spells to make someone happier/sad, could be seen as “black/materialistic magic” purely on the basis that these acts don’t do anything to enlighten you?

“My point, I see Magick and witchcraft as two different tools. Magick is to empower and enlighten; witchcraft is merely a materialistic tool for everyday life (or living in Malkuth and never moving up).”

 

“93, Sy!

Let’s suppose you and I are enrolled in advanced humanities course at Gaia University entitled “Life, Health and Paradox – H303” lead by professor Raph A. El.

You’ve had some difficulty with a recent exam, so I heist the professors grade book and bump you up a grade point, just so you can keep your head above water, so to speak. Well, we both just failed the class.

This would be a brief insight as to how I believe incautious healing may be considered “black”.

Karmic lessons can be very convoluted, and intervening in another’s lessons, while of admirable intent, may in fact be theft.

Ultimately we are left with Knowledge, Understanding and Will. We use our knowledge to make our decision, then apply our will with full understanding of possible consequence, in pursuit of wisdom.

93, 93/93.”

 

It felt so good to know a few folks understood what I said, but I loved this response because he took my theory right out of my head (and he wrote it in a Crowley/Thelema manner; with the rather flowery tone in text), and managed to still touch upon Malkuth. Malkuth is the sphere or Sephirot at the base of the Tree of Life. Usually seen with four colours, the black quarter is at the very base. This Sephirot is known as the “materialistic” or “non-spiritual” centre. It’s the micro representation of the Universe, the beginning, the Bride. All magicians start their path within the sphere of Sephirot, they become the Bride as it were, face their demons (ego, animalistic urges and darkness) and marry it to become akin with Yesod, the Groom. Seeing as my magick is growing more and more Hermetic as each day passes, it only makes sense to apply my theory of “black magick” as purely non-spiritual. See my point now? Do ya? Yeah? No?

I don’t mean to scare any of you, or confuse or even offend you, but I think I’ve hit something, and I need to investigate. I’ll go into my understanding of Malkuth soon! Malkuth is very personal to me at this stage in my life.

Sy, 93s


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Angelic and Planetary Hours [Png]

You should be able to click and save each of the images below. I will go through a quick run down soon explaining them in a little more detail. For now, enjoy my badly edited video here.

sunday-monday

tuesday-wednesday

thursday-friday

saturday

They are handy for your Book of Conjurations, Book of Shadows or almanacs.

Sy, x


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The God, The Witch and the HGA

The one thing I have always felt protective of, and prideful of, was my relationship with the Divine. I’ve always had an intimate connection with God and always will; in fact, it was that connection which drove a split in my first ever relationship. The one thing that bugged me was why this connection meant so much, and why it would tug on my heart strings like it did. I needed to find out how the Gods would interact with me, and why they chose me.

Growing up in the family unit I did was pretty typical. We went to church or synagogue on Saturdays, shunned bacon eating people who worshipped on Sundays, and made sure that our connection to a big white guy in the sky was direct and shared. For some reason, the images of Jesus never resonated with me. I never understood how he was the biological son of the Christian God, but nonetheless I had to follow what my family insisted. It must be an old British thing, “Children must be seen and not heard.”

I used to have alone time to reflect on things, or if I was bad I was “sent away to think about what I had done,” into my aunts room. She is a very classy lady, only expects the best. Designer things everywhere, but she was a strict and modest matron, who ran things like the God fearing woman you witness in old Victorian novels. There were images of Jesus everywhere. Jesus on the cross; Jesus surrounded by thorny roses, and even Jesus sitting on a rock surrounded by children. I would often hope or wonder, if I stared at these images long enough he would jump out and bitchslap me for being a naughty girl. He never did, and that sparked my interest in who he was as a person and Gnosticism. I should say, my idea of Jesus being the son of God is a little strange because I believe he was a witch in his own right, one of the early Hermeticists (without realising) and I also believe his mother was told she was going to have a child of great importance as far as spiritually and enlightenment goes. In that sense, everyone who is willing to ditch conventional religions and give up being a slave to these man made and “access-only-through-mechanical-means” religions is a child of the Universe. (Obviously if you can find like minded friends like Jesus and Buddha, even Mathers and Crowley did, never let them go!) live free.

*ahem*

I found witchcraft a few years later… (I think 2 years later? I have a funny feeling this all happened that year I fell down Dunn’s River Falls… I’m pretty sure I was 9?), meh. I did all the typical things any budding academic witch did. I collected information from early websites and bought books after weeks of saving my pocket money, but believe it not, the one area that has been the easiest skill, never seemed important at the time. That skill or gift was being able to equate myself with deity. It was a few years before I even worked out a way to let deity into my life, without the use of magick. I guess those early years could be seen as my theoretical and lazy days. Some years later my bond with God grew to volumes I didn’t expect, and it has been an intimate journey since.

I fell into studying Buddhism, which lead me to understand that I needed to look within to find myself, but mostly to find my inner Buddha. What hit me almost straight away, was the notion that the Gods resided within me and within everyone else. The whole idea of connecting yourself to the Universe (thanks to yoga!) just made God seem more like the life essence that actually lived and vibrated in everything within and outside the universe. For me that meant God wasn’t a big guy in the sky, it was my heart, my finger, my breath. The grass, the trees, the puppies and the tiny molecules holding ice together. I guess, I’ve always looked to the Gods for inspiration and lessons, but my greatest lesson so far has come in the form of my HGA.

Now, I haven’t made actual contact with my HGA, or at least I don’t think I have. I didn’t even understand what one was until a few years ago. Just a reminder for the newer Thelemites out there, (I’m a beginner too), the Holy Guardian Angel is the angel we are all born with, it’s our higher self, rather than a literal angel with wings. It’s with us our whole lives, and it even plans what your personality and outcome in life will be, long before you were even fertilised. Think of it as The Fates little workers who reside with us. Your HGA (from what I gather so far) also guides you with any Magickal endeavour you do, and help you use and understand your consciousness and subconscious sides. You don’t even have to be Magickal to find it.

The other day I was sharing my most recent ideas with Mr Vamp about a ritual I am currently updating, but also to check my progress as a student. I told him how I believed that my HGA would come to me in many forms over the years, and I hadn’t realised how or why until now. At first it was Cernnunos, with his constant lulling in dreams, wanting me to follow him and understand where he came from. He was the first fertility deity who made me understand the non-literal side to magick. I found myself questioning if fertility also meant something else, rather than just baby making and gardening. What did fertility mean? I quickly summed up that fertility meant growth, whether it be spiritual growth, Magickal growth or academic growth. He came at a time when I needed him most, a time when I was growing up too fast, but he held my hand through it. I kept my head in books and took daily life and it’s struggles the best I could.

When I was fertile enough, he gently slipped away and sent me into the world of ancient Egyptian, Roman and Greek paganism, where I formed more bonds with deities over there. As most of you know, the most prominent were Sekhmet, Anubis, Apollo, Ra and Zeus. All of which I still work with today! More than anything, like Jesus, I didn’t see them for the beings they were, I saw them as facets of my HGA, elements of my being, lessons I needed to learn. I believe all this time, that the Gods came to me with the help of my HGA, sort of like a personal assistant or publicist, making sure only the correct deities cane into my life at valuable moments. That’s what made my magick raw and pure; I made it a personal mission to understand the base understanding of The Ultimate One, that drove me into the world I’m in now. I still remember that first spiritual ascension or initiation. When I feel good, bad or Magickal I only need to look inside, and draw in the extra forces from outside. The Universe may be big and mind blowing, but It left a part of itself in us. We only need to tap into it to see.

That’s also what helps me reaffirm my pantheist views. If any of you can get get hold of the preface to Alice Walker’s The Color Purple you’ll catch a glimpse of what life was like for me, and many folks around the world.

Sorry it’s so bloody long!!!


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Alternative Witch | Liber Oz Love

42. …So with thy all; thou hast no right but to do thy will.
43. Do that, and no other shall say nay.
44. For pure will, unassuaged of purpose, delivered from the lust of result, is every way perfect.

Liber AL 1:42-44

I’m growing up! Or at least my memory is finally kicking into gear with my Thelema studies. Yay me! If there are any particular areas I expect people to keep an eye on when studying, its Liber Oz and Liber AL vel Legis. I don’t think you have to be a Thelemite as such to study and accept them. Most people who practice a form of Western esotericism and understand many of the philosophies, ideologies and practices are probably Thelemites and don’t even know it! That will be another video or post!

Liber Oz is a declaration; a solidified form of belief in oneself and a set of maxims from The Book of the Law. Live by these simple statements and see your world view change. Or at least, my world view has changed. I have recently been reading Liber Oz again, and making similar comparisons with the Blue Equinox. Not only have I started to look at magick and my life, from the point of view of the sun, but I know I must do something with myself to elevate from Malkuth up to God head. I feel like I have a purpose to fulfil; I’m not sure what just yet, but I’m going in the right direction. Everything just falls into place, the way things are supposed to. I guess, I knew things would work out, but my anxieties kept holding me back. My ego held me back also, and now I know I’m on the right track I need only to stand tall and keep my back bone rigid.

I had the intention to talk about how bad experiences within the pagan community have lead me to be the strong individual I am now, but I thought I would take a noble route instead. Have you ever sat and evaluated your life, looking for answers as to why certain folks treat you badly, knowing you haven’t done anything wrong? When you look at your life and see all the wonderful, and the bad things that have happened you suddenly realise your intelligence intimidates people. Ultimately, its their problem with you. I must say, giggling as I do, I am actually taking pride knowing I have ambition and I am actually doing something about it. Finally!

Unfortunately one area I can’t change is my skin colour. For the first time in a long time I have come across a pagan path that does not allow racism. According to Liber Oz, every man should have an opinion, and feel free to express it, but if you read between the lines it clearly states that you shouldn’t be a douche: “Every man and every woman is a star.” Regardless of colour, creed or root. (Somehow those are pretty much the same words…). On more than one occasion I have received numerous emails and comments on my videos about the fact that I shouldn’t be practising magick (Celtic, Wicca and Norse) because I’m not white enough. At the same time, when looking at me no one would ever know of my multicultural DNA, which unfortunately warrants hate mail from Africans and African Americans for not being African enough. To be honest, I am alive and well so I don’t care. I wasn’t born in the USA or Africa; I was born in the Caribbean and grew up in lower middle class Britain. The funny thing is, no matter how many times people have told me to stop following their paths, I try to listen, but the Gods have other ideas. Let me tell you one short story.

A number of years ago, when I was getting into Wicca and Celtic and Norse mythology, I did a cheeky spell asking any God to come to me and guide me (I have since updated that contact ritual for different deities, spirits and such). I started working with quite a few male deities over the following months. Cernunnos and Pan stayed with me, alongside two others. These two others were Odin and Thor; and to this day I have never told anyone of our antics and lessons. I learnt so much from them all, and thanked them often. I can remember back to when I used to daydream over images of Thor when I was a tiny child at school, so he’s always been part of my active life for as long as forever. It wasn’t until I joined a few pagan networking sites and opened up about my love for the Northern traditions that I was faced with an awful lot of racism and hostility. I quickly learnt to ignore my dreams and hid my runes so I would never open up any more hurt for myself. Something deep down kept urging to me keep the Futhark close, and keep Thor and Odin alive in a secret and small way, otherwise I would experience bad luck. Lo and behold, I ended up having a rough time until began to listen again. Every time I listened to the Gods, and put my trust in them I felt good. I learnt to put trust in myself and stand up for myself. I made the decision early on that I only had myself to rely on, and as much as I love seeing and hearing other peoples views, I have mine and I shouldn’t be afraid to share them. I shall do what I wilt, as long as I uphold the ethical and moral laws that govern the Universe.

As long as I stick to the plan, the message I received from the Gods I’ll be fine. As long as I am taught lessons, blessed and kicked into gear, I won’t let other peoples negativity get to me. To me, Liber Oz is more than a declaration, its the mapping for my True Will (or at least one element of it so far). As long as I stay within the remit of my own philosophies, it won’t matter what colour I am, what ethnicity, nationality, pagan path or gender I am; I am who I am, and according to the Gods, that’s perfect enough.

(Plus, I think its a great page to show teenagers who are dealing with depression, anxiety and peer pressure; but that’s my opinion).

Sy, 93, 93/93, x

20130123-221443.jpg


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I Like Magick Art; Reading Beneath the Paint

Today’s quotation is from me,

It’s okay not to understand my madness, my path or magick. I don’t expect anyone to. Magick is for the soul; not a group of people trying to use one mouth. Be respectful as I have; you may learn a thing or two about your own lineage or path, like I have. Don’t point out your flaws, unless you are wanting to change your ideas (or grow). I point out my flaws because I crave to learn for myself, otherwise I’ll be chasing my tail forever. ~ Sy Calaelen

“If you have nothing nice to say, don’t say anything at all.”

Hopefully most you heard that old adage as children. Hopefully most of you understood the beauty in that gem. Hopefully most of you won’t have a freak out or start pointing fingers; just sit back, relax and smile.

I am passionate about magick and its liturgy; you know this, as I never shut up about it. I love the beauty of an image that reflects the esoteric secrets the artist was thinking about at the time. When I come across a piece of art, with blatant occult symbols all over it I like to decipher the image for myself. There are tons of images you can search for, that reveal hidden truths. Some of my favourites are part of the Hermetic arts, in which you find pictorial references to the old axiom “As above, so below; so below, as above,” (shortened) of the up facing triangle and its opposite. I have a small reference to an order of Hermeticists tattooed on my wrist with the inescapable XX. I take a great pleasure in finding these pieces as they allow me to delve deep into their secretive keep, right in front of my face.

Aside from the formidable Hermetic art, there is the mysticism found in many other works. I love constantly reading up on the chakras, meditating on them, balancing them, performing mantra with them, but the one image from the Eastern world that has taken a slightly weird seat in the west (due to the influx of watered down New Age mythos and whale music) is the Third Eye, or traditionally known as Ajna (sadly, when you look at modern versions, the Third Eye is always located where the Fifth Eye is located). The Third Eye is known for its connectivity of the mind with the universe, and also a sign of brotherhood, in the sense that the Universe/God has given you and your spiritual brothers and sisters knowledge through that point and the Fifth; but that’s more of a Western esoteric viewpoint.

The image below, is a just an example of the collection of images I have been printing and collecting for my own pagan academics. I love the exquisite detail on her face, the definition of the shadows around her and in the background. The most noticeable imagery on the piece are the horns (what does it mean symbolically to you?) And the Third Eye. Now, don’t get me wrong, I understand a large quantity of pagans out there would see this image and puke, based on the fact that it looks “ugly” (as one person put it), but I also realise a lot of these folks don’t know very much about magick. You are supposed to read the image from the outside and then in; that is how you decide for yourself whether to appreciate art for arts sake or not to. Don’t make a fool of yourself by trying to point out that images like this are “weird/uncool”; take the time to appreciate that some magickal folks prefer serious practice and study, than most.

Life isn’t all dolphin sounds, light and fluffy colourful flowers. Once you see the light in the dark, you’ll see true beauty and feel true power.

Sy

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Thelema Excites Me… Where Do I Begin? [list]

Good morning folks!

Firstly I have pissed of three people because of my lust and positive attitude toward studying Thelema. The one point I want to express here, is the fact that I read a lot more than I practice at the beginning of any field. Once I feel I am well read, and once the Gods begin to point me at other lessons, then, and only then will I start to practice. Those of you who have watched me blossom since my first blog post back in 05 know about that method. I’m not stupid, so relax.

Secondly, this is something I have officially taken up and hope in time will be my religious affiliation. I have read about Thelema for years. I have read up on Crowley for a while too, but until a few months back I did nothing about any of it. I have been devouring ‘The Golden Dawn’ book by Regardie, and loving it.

The one thing that makes my journey a little difficult is the lack of a proper teacher and not much of a starting point. With general witchcraft there is always a starting point. You have to learn the literature, the basic magick and then find the roots of your practice. Basically, you learn where magick comes from, how it can be used, the ethics of magick, the Gods or atheist root, religious groups that use witchcraft like Wicca, Druidry or Santeria. Once you have those in your back pocket, you’ll be able to practice fairly freely. As far as magick goes, you learn the basics such as simple circle castings, prosperity spells leading all the way up to evocations, invocations and Drawing Down the Moon. Thelema is not so open, easy or wide mouthed. Perfect?

When I started learning Wicca, which I eventually outgrew and thus dropped over a painful amount of years, I noted there were large amounts of 101 books shipped every minute. With Wicca, Celtic Magick and such there are tons of starting places that are very similar; that way you know you can’t fail. They are safe magickal practices which I would expect most young people to get to grips with. However, I wasn’t overly excited, I was happy and very positive, but once I let go of Wicca I finally felt free and that got me going.

I’m in lust with Thelema, Hermeticism is my true love and the Golden Dawn are my fantastical fantasy lovers. (I do apologise if that is offensive or crude in any way, I just want to express my point on how magickally and intelligently horny I am). I even tweeted a little appreciation this morning:
“I have never felt as excited, happy, brave or as positive since working on the religious aspect of Hermeticism. #Hermeticism #Thelema ♥”

Okay, one friend who I speak with often, and who also happens to be a solitary practitioner gave me the following list. After I pissed of the folks I thought I could have banter with, and being labelled a… Well, I won’t repeat it but those of you who read those tweets know, I gave myself one more try. For the first time in a long time my happiness was paired with a deep bout of failure. Is it wrong that I am this happy, and this upset at the same time? I have never felt this way, and its quite annoying to say the least. As much as I want to grow, knowing that other people aren’t as happy or open makes me stay in my solitary circle a while longer, which limits my practice.

I was quite upset actually, so much so I haven’t performed any magick or devotions for the past few days. I have heard, on more than one occasion that the occult finds you, and I believe it because it found me. Hence why I am so darn happy with my progress so far, I know this is my path, my journey, my Will and no one can tell me otherwise? Right? Thelema so far is confusing on the front that there aren’t many solitary practitioners, as almost everyone has a teacher. I have had bad experiences with covens and teenage angst filled groups, which drove me to practising magick on my own. To hear that Thelema requires a few friends to discuss and debate with scares me a little. I don’t do well around people, at all. How will I cope with this religion? I am easily daunted and my social skills are shot to hell. Do you see my difficulty? For now, like I mentioned, I just need to get to grips with the sacred texts and work hard.

I’m determined. Shoot me.

Anyway, this small list is from my daemon lover:

🔻You must read the Book of the Law (but you must accept it if you want to be a practising Thelemite in future).

With Book 4, read up on these:
🔻Part 1 – Mysticism and Part 2 – Magick (though you mentioned you have, and made notes? I don’t remember. It was a while?)
🔻Part 3.1 – The Principles of Ritual
🔻Part 3.XVI – Part 1 of the Oath
🔻Liber III vel Jugorum (make notes! Lots of notes! Then STFU!)
🔻Liber E and Liber O
🔻Then, Appendices part IX. I-VI

Go over those lots and lots, and lots. Make notes, practice and grow. You said you have the Golden Dawn book? I suggest reading it from cover to cover, and fold corners on important pages. Also get a hold of Liber 777. Once you have those email/call me and I’ll get you another list.

Use the internet too.

— okay, he is not my lover, he just loves working with daemons, angels and other entities etc. He has been a magician for years, and happens to be one of the happiest people I know.

Hopefully that list is okay though. I have Liber 777 already and various other tables, so studying should be fine. I’m not sure if this is an ideal list, but as I am halfway through it, its been great so far. Just thought I would share!

Love and 93’s, x

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Aleister Crowley Had One…

… And so does Alan Moore.

For a long time I have always had a presence around me that instructed me and helped me out. Whenever I needed a spiritual push, he was always there to point me in the right direction. It wasn’t until the other day, and last night that I contemplated who this presence was.

Most people are told that from the minute you are born (or fertilised, depending on your view) you assigned a guardian angel or spirit guide of some kind. You are not told how this guide comes to you, or helps you or even what its name is. For some reason we grow up feeling comfortable and safe in that knowledge. Some people have refuted the theory of a guardian angel and their story seems to fit, which is fine for them. These ‘rational’ thinkers will go quiet if you ask them about Mozart and his angel, just stating he was a genius—nope, his music was dictated to him by his angelic guide.

In the same way, Aleister Crowley was given word by his guide Aiwass. Alan Moore, the V for Vendetta and award winning DC Comics genius has a guide who inspires him. The concept of the guardian angel is a wide one, but let me just run along the lines of the the magician. According to many occult practitioners and a few I know, the HGA is a separate being, but one who is made up of the higher self. Your HGA is the guide who will carry you through life’s many lessons in order to reunite your spirit with the One True Being/God. If I add Aristotle’s view of love, “Love is composed of a soul inhabiting two bodies,” you can see why I agree with the occult view of your HGA being the separate higher self. Once you accept the touch of an angel in your life, he/she will take on many guises that help form your personality in order to teach and guide you well. That becomes a very intimate and personal connection, and in many cases it inspires love. Now, love can mean many things, but I am primarily focusing on love of creativity, of the self (the non-ego obsessed view), love of work and others.

Let me explain from my view. Aleister Crowley’s love was magick, Alan Moore’s love is life, writing and his magick. Mine, from what I gather so far is life, writing, literal love (worst lesson I am learning right now) and magick. For a long time I have performed magick and honour rituals to the deities I work with, and sometimes just to say hi and thank you. I have successfully been working with mantra properly for almost 3 years as a form of meditation when a spell could have been done. I have found that my guide and many a deity have used my mantra practice as a portal into my mind, once I am in trance or asleep. There are times when I don’t work with a particular deity, but I will state my Will openly knowing my guide will act upon it if need be. I ask myself, who are you shouting these affirmations to? Who do you scream at when you are under pressure? It’s obviously not just yourself is it? Your higher self maybe?

The way in which your HGA will guide you depends on who you are and what it is that you are going through at that moment. I you are someone, like me, who stands on the outside world looking in, then your guide will come to you as a boost of confidence or they will open you up to the influence of deities (if you are pagan or spiritual) who will help with strength, confidence and sympathy. For me, Anpu is one of the main deities I work with on a personal level, but I have only ever worked directly with him a few times. My HGA has sent me the energies from Anpu during other rituals, knowing I don’t need the entire presence of deity, just a little oomph.

I am planning on a little ritual or meditation to let my angel know I am happy with them, happy with what they are doing and I am on a journey to reunite our souls. You don’t need to go out looking for literal, physical love—find yourself first, and then if life permits, the physical love of another will come. The best relationship you have is with yourself, but as a witch, I am in a loving relationship with my HGA too.

Your HGA knows you. Inside and out–literally.

I will leave you with a quote from ‘The Sacred Magic of Abramelin the Mage’ translated by S. L. Mcgregor Mathers:

“If thou shalt perfectly observe these rules, all the following Symbols and an infinitude of others will be granted unto thee by thy Holy Guardian Angel; thou thus living for the Honour and Glory of the True and only God, for thine own good, and that of thy neighbour. Let the Fear of God be ever before the eyes and the heart of him who shall possess this Divine Wisdom and Sacred Magic.”

Sy, x

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Tools | Such a Petty Subject

This is a rant and a declaration to myself to stay strong, stay positive and be proud of myself. I will try to keep it short, and hopefully without too much swearing, but this issue just annoys me.

Last night I performed a ritual I had been planning for the most part of last month, and leading up to it I had been open to many things. Sadness, upset, bad news etc. I utilise these feelings by bottling them especially for times when I want to release them by turning them into something slightly calmer. That goes for the over excess of goodness that comes my way too. I like to be 50/50 as much as I can. There comes a point on my path where i stubble upon a block in the road; and this refers to people I encounter, whether they are good or bad. As a loner I have the advantage of sitting in the sidelines as people walk by, and I am able to watch and observe them. I don’t talk to people much, though I am trying, but thanks to be observations I am able to wade through a sea of people and stick with the individuals who really matter.

Genuine people are easily ignored, as one friend put it in an email, “Idiots are scared or intimidated by the genuine people, who seem to live a life of equilibrium and splendour without having to show the turmoil inside. These individuals, like you (referring to me) are always overlooked, judged and misunderstood. In time someone will stand up and praise you for showing them the way to their light. Don’t let these fools see that turmoil/drive, keep that passion for yourself. That’s enough to keep them guessing and it will drive them wild.”

That touched me, but I didn’t understand what it meant until today. (I had to dig it out of a folder I made on Yahoo, back in 2009! I am old…). The only reason I bring that up is for two queries really. One, what is the fuss about being a know it all with experience? I thought that was what people were looking for? And secondly, why is the majority drawn to people who preach utter crap?

I received an email this morning that kind of pissed me off. After working such a beautiful ritual, I finally went to sleep at 5am then awoke at 8am feeling refreshed and glad my ritual was over. Everything was fine until this horrible ‘idiot’-I called her/it an eejit in the 2nd or 3rd reply-who thought it was fair to bombard me with accusations of being a know it all and a fool for pumping the values of tools, symbols, altars etc. Firstly, let me just say to those of you who are new to the craft, the literal truth to using such correspondences are purely for magickal work, practice and most importantly to help you understand the spiritual truth. If you can’t separate literal values from the spiritual then please I beg you, practice and read a whole lot more. Eventually you will see, and eventually you will be an amazing practitioner as long as the OTB permits.

I was tempted to be a fool and film myself reading the conversations but I shan’t. I’ll copy up parts instead:

“There is no need for all that stuff. The occult stuff is old and no one uses it as its just words from dead men. What you are doing is just a waste of time… Get over it already.”

(She was referring to my occult series, yet another blow and now I feel to scrap them all)
My reply-“the occult and philosophies from centuries past are the base of the new age mountain you stand on. Without them you wouldn’t have very much to stand on now, would you?”

This is from the first email also:
“No one cares about those symbols. I saw your video on magic squares and thought how dumb. Why would anyone care.”

MR-“I think they are important. Not many people do care as they want a quick magick fix like you I presume? But there is a small group of people who do like that sort of theory and I am just one in hundreds who happens to break it down or open up a new area of intrigue for them.”

From the second reply:
“Oh so that’s why you talk about occult? Because you have experience? No one has experience these days. All that pretend magic from those people in robes are total fakes. What do you have to say about that?”

-“I have no idea what you are referring to. As far as my experience goes, I am not here to prove anything to anyone. Harry Potter perhaps? Yeah, that’s fictional.”
(That was all I wrote actually…)

Third, and last email:
“How long have you been ‘reading’? Clearly you are too stupid to realise magic is within. Not in the tools or those squares. Seriously get some proper education… BTW you are boring as hell, no wonder people don’t care about what you have to say.”

MR-“I know magick is within, but how else are you supposed to feel it if you don’t practice with tools, herbs and Kameas? Maybe not Kameas as you are too stupid for any angel/demon to come close enough to mock you. You are a fool for thinking I am just a ‘know it all’ young woman. I have been a practitioner for 13 years. I hate when people think its okay to bang on about why they should or shouldn’t use tools. Its such a petty topic. It doesn’t matter where or what the tool is, you’ll need it someday.”

The only thing I can think of are the beautiful Golden Dawn videos and layouts on various blogs and websites, as one main example. Yes they wear robes, yes they carve symbols in the air, but do you actually know what any of that means really? For a while I thought that stuff was theatrical, but as my studies grew and my practices flourished I found the reason to do them. It was honour and respect to the forces we often call on for magickal assistance, and mostly for a physical bonding with the divinity/universe surrounding us. How can someone state that the OTB is all around, and within when we restrict its natural flow to save face? Ever wonder why your magick isn’t as potent as others?

The Hermetic Principle of Correspondence is a great place to understand why you are taught about these in the first place. Here is my link to that.

The next time you feel the need to make a video or write to me or someone else complaining about their practices, watch/read all of their stuff first, get to know them (that way you have the right to an opinion) and make sure you have a leg to stand on. Better still ignore them or, go fuck a dog before you open your mouth to and about me and my practices. If people want the bullshit that is out there, then that’s fine. That is up to them. But I support, encourage and honour all the genuine folks, like myself, who don’t give a shit. We have the Gods on our side.

End.

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