1 Comment

I’m Just a Fool Walking These Paths

I had another look at Liber Oz, to see if it had any more ideas to give me. I tend to re-read old passages and study them with a fresh look before reading my old notes. It’s become a bit of a habit for me (do not judge; it’s my revision technique). The middle section of the declaration really stood out to me for the first time in a while, except this time on a personal level. The text I have copied up is only part of the document, and is as follows (hopefully the spelling is correct…):

  1. Man has the right to live by his own law—

to live in the way that he wills to do:
to work as he will:
to play as he will:
to rest as he will:
to die when and how he will.

  1. Man has the right to eat what he will:

to drink what he will:
to dwell where he will:
to move as he will on the face of the earth.

  1. Man has the right to think what he will:

to speak what he will:
to write what he will:
to draw, paint, carve, etch, mould, build as he will:
to dress as he will.

  1. Man has the right to love as he will:—

“take your fill and will of love as ye will,
when, where, and with whom ye will.” —AL. I. 51

  1. Man has the right to kill those who would thwart these rights.

 

I have always had the idea that you must just let people who they are. If you let them flourish, they will be the best they can when they are with you. At the same time, I saw this as a great form of advice that could be discussed in therapy sessions, in order to show the victim how not to be a victim, and also giving insight into the individual lives, ideals and pains that other people have; as a form of showing you that your pain isn’t just yours, but shared in different ways by all kinds of people. At the same time, it is exactly as it says on the tin – a declaration of man. There are other texts I have sort of “boxed together” that reaffirm my love of this text, such as Liber Tzaddi and not forgetting verses from Liber AL vel Legis, as well as others. Liber Oz is more than that. It’s personal, whilst being extremely universal.

Going back to my original objective, this new lesson has shown me something I hadn’t expected. The other side of the coin is the acceptance that you can’t be a fool and assume you can help people, or share information too freely. Some people are just ignorant, idiotic and rude when they find they are about to embark on a conversation with another person. The one thing that keeps me respectful, yet honest about who I am, is the shared understanding that we are all human. Of course, we are all Stars in the centre of our own universes, constantly colliding or flying into the orbit of other Stars we meet along the way, but for me Liber Oz is showing me the joy of that. Maybe not, it could just be that I’m young and still growing up, and becoming more mature as each day unfolds. Life is just full of surprises, but instead of brushing them off, sometimes it’s nice to say that at some point in your life you met and appreciated a wonderful teacher, or an idiot. I smile knowing I don’t understand people, and I truly refuse to try and wear a façade all the time.

Think of the Fool from the tarot, not in the popular manner of an idiot, but rather the silent master of secrets, the master of knowledge who refuses to share knowledge so openly or freely (for many reasons – most notably, the ideals that have been shared or practiced throughout history have shown that men in power are threatened by a revolt of the proles). Rather, this misunderstood being will show you the way if and when you are ready to embark on the first road. When the timing is right, you will learn things and see other things differently. At the moment the Fool is with me, reminding me that Liber Oz is opening itself in a manner I hadn’t reflected upon. Only the universe, and my silent teacher (my HGA) know what is needed for me to grow.

I wrote the following in my journal:

I have the right to be myself;

To laugh, to smile, to cry and play,

To be wise, intelligent and dull in any way I see fit,

To continue my creative pursuits as I see fit,

And not to let the words of other beings penetrate my shell.

I understand I cannot be nice all the time,

I must be respectful, honest and blunt.

In doing so, focus all of my attention on my true Will,

And complete the Great Work as the individual of my own standing.

(No more strings!)

 

One thing that did trigger off this theory again, was a conversation I had with a buddy. He checks in every so often to find out how my art projects are going, and it was actually quite sad to tell him I hadn’t picked up a sketch book in a very long time. Partly because of how my mind works – I like to draw thoughts if I can’t write them, but this past year studying Thelema has meant I have given up parts of myself in order to be more academic, and to follow suit. These days I am not bothered. Thank you JC.

I am off to doodle; I am the Fool!

496,

93, 93/93

fool


2 Comments

Finally Coming My Way

Yesterday I went to an interview at my first choice university application, and it went well!

I went to bed the night before, with my bags backed, feeling nervous and checking the battery life of all of the technology I was taking. I double and triple checked forms, letters and maps. Made sure the money I needed was in the right purse (I am a bit of a fashion fan, as I am sure you are aware due to TheHarlequinDays). I had to calm myself down, so I sat and meditated by my altar holding my uncut Thoth tarot, and promising I would pull a card the day after my interview. I don’t know why I didn’t just pull cards then, but I guess my nerves got the better of me. I had been to another interview the Saturday gone, and I felt fine. This choice is my first choice, so you can imagine the freak out.

Yesterday was amazing though, and the interview was a great test of my character and mind. We were given small exercises to do concerning the analysis of several poems and understanding Cant. At the end of the interview I was informed it would be a few days before I would hear anything back, and with that I left. We left Leicester city around half 3, arriving back home within the hour, and my phone was going crazy. I finally switched the kettle on, and leant on the counter to read all the incoming emails, two of which were from UCAS and the main university of choice. I started to get excited again and I clicked each message, and to my surprise I was informed that they loved my interview and were giving me an official offer for a place on the course. I hit the roof! I laughed to myself and couldn’t resist posting my delight to Facebook and Twitter. I called my mum and she was happy too, screaming, “WHAT!” down the line. I should try to remember not to have the phone on loud speaker when calling her…

This morning I woke up at my usual time to do ritual and have a big bowl of Crunchy Nut. I remembered that I needed to cut a card to focus on for the coming months leading up to this summer, and funny enough I pulled the Hanged Man card. Instead of reading the card the way I was trained, I sought the Thoth Tarot Book to see what Crowley would suggest. To be honest, this book is new and I’m still getting to grips with it, but I’ve been reading cards since I was a pre-teen so my definitions’ are similar, but not so deep in occult wisdom or Qabalah. So, assuming you all know the Hanged Man, here is a small part of that definition:

“This card, attributed to the letter Mem, represents the element of Water. It would perhaps be better to say that it represents the spiritual function of water in the economy of initiation; it is a baptism which is also a death. In the Aeon of Osiris, this card represented the supreme formula of adeptship; for the figure of the drowned or hanged man has its own special meaning. The legs are crossed so that the right leg forms a right angle with the left leg, and the arms are stretched out at an angle of 60° so as to form an equilateral triangle; this gives the symbol of the Triangle surmounted by the Cross, which represents the descent of the light into the darkness in order to re deem it. For this reason there are green disks-green, the colour of Venus, signifies Grace-at the terminations of the limbs and of the head. The air above the surface of the water is also green, infiltrated by rays of the white light of Kether. The whole figure is suspended from the Ankh, another way of figuring the formula of the Rose and Cross, while around the left foot is the Serpent, creator and destroyer, who operates all change.” – Book of Thoth Tarot, Crowley

The moment I read the first few lines I just thought, “What is my HGA up to? Why is life suddenly working out for me? Yay!” That made me smile. I know now, this will be the ultimate test to stay focused, grounded and not to spend my time worrying. Phase one of my life is most definitely coming to ahead. Finally.

hanged

Other than that, I have finally found somewhere to live and i can save money between now and September. For the awesome Thelemites’ and OTO members who have been helping me out with my spiritual studying, Thank you! I’m being introduced a wide spectrum of the occult world and its all flooding through my gates quite happily. I’ve been asked to study both OTO and AA student books, and so far they have been mind blowing. Eventually I shall sort my spiritual life out, or at least make it official and I shall have started Phase One for sure.

Thanks for the support folks. These last few weeks/months have been okay, but not great. Knowing me, I don’t like opening up about my feelings too much, and now realising that people I thought were friends don’t and will not approach me about anything anymore. I have realised I’m not everyone’s cup of tea (trust me, it has been 5 years already), and seeing as it has taken me this long to understand I’ll never be part of the ‘in-crowd’, I have decided I won’t be. I’m going to be myself, be smart and be brave, regardless.

Those of you asking when I’ll return to Youtube, I shan’t for a while, but hopefully a month or two once my head and heart are sorted. When I do come back I would like things to change for the better, as I’ll be happier sitting outside the circle and I won’t have to fear trolls or old friends letting me down. I’ll be there for me, and any future friends. My videos seem to stop a lot of people from conversing with me, and that is a shame as I put my heart and soul into reaching out, and for memories sake (my mind right now is proving that I’m getting older). Like people have told me, “Screw it Sy, do it for you. The right people will come along, form friendships with you and they’ll stay.”

Smile.

yogalift

Sy, x x