Sy Calaelen

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The Start and the End |#Thelema + New Website

I’ll be back and writing again in a few months, but I’m dealing with a lot right now which is why I have disappeared from the internet for my own safety.

Other than that, there is an exciting website under way hosted by writer, hypnotist and magician Dillon Andrews (@DillonAndrews). I’ll be writing there in the future (@SyCalaelen), but be sure to check it out at:

Topics will range from discussions on the arts, modern magick and psychology. It’s still new and much more will come.

Our links:

Twitter: @TheSATEdotcom

Facebook: The Start and the End

GoodReads Group: Magick and Occult Books


Sy Calaelen


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New Year, Fresh Start

Hey folks!

It has been forever since I have published anything on this blog or over at Harlequin Days. I have been mostly busy with studying, writing essays, getting through my reading lists and updating my two other Tumblr blogs. So far that is all I can get myself around to. I have sorted out my timetable for this term and Wednesday’s are still my day off. I hope to upload the few posts I have written so far, including part 3 and 4 of the Babalon and Me series, over the course of the next few weeks. I just need to edit those and some of the others.

I still remain a practitioner, but being a busy student and a slow reader, and studying has taken up all my time. I’ve also been in my first serious relationship since August 2013, so I’m learning a lot about relationships, myself, my boyfriend and growing as a young woman. My practice has been reduced to weekly rituals, general exercise at home or the gym, meditation and/or mantra meditations and reading the odd page or two from my Thelema and occult books. I continue to journal once a week, something short as I’m unable to perform major rituals at the moment. I don’t even log into Facebook much! Ra, help me to be a little more normal!

So, as it is a new year I am going to focus on building some kind of brand for myself. I understand now that people know me as a vlogger and an even tinier number know me as a writer, and that’s all. People don’t see me as a human having a spiritual experience, just a brand of some kind that happens to communicate. I need to embrace this.

I will continue being a weird woman I am via my social networks, so do not follow them unless you want to see a mixture of magick and my life at university, and a collection of selfies that allow me to enjoy my own face based on poor psychological and self esteem issues. As mentioned, I have two Tumblr blogs too, but the main “brand” one is under my name, whilst the other is connected to my general life as a student and human being which is connected to my other blog – links in the sidebar.

I’ll also be writing blog posts for an alternative culture website, so check it out if you haven’t already: The Start and the End.

That’s all for now,

Sy, 93, 93/93

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2013 in review

The stats helper monkeys prepared a 2013 annual report for this blog.

Here’s an excerpt:

The concert hall at the Sydney Opera House holds 2,700 people. This blog was viewed about 24,000 times in 2013. If it were a concert at Sydney Opera House, it would take about 9 sold-out performances for that many people to see it.

Click here to see the complete report.


Magickal Items I’m Taking to University

As I’m trying to tie up the loose ends on my university supplies, stationary and halls items, it occurred to me I hadn’t drawn up a list of Magickal tools I’ll need. I can’t take everything, and there are a lot of books I will have to leave behind until Yule. I will only take the most important items, also noting that I may buy other items when I’m there as well. What items would you take with you? I’ve asked a few folks over the past few weeks, and the responses have been diverse. I’ve had time to think and thought I’d share this written mishmash of ideas! It’s been a long time coming!

Here is my comprehensive list of spiritual items I might be taking:

I am only taking two of my thirty decks. The “Lo Scarabeo Tarot” and Crowley’s “Thoth Tarot”. The Lo Scarabeo tarot is a modern merging of three of the worlds most popular tarot, with beautiful Italian illustration and simple symbols. It’s a deck that is comprised of the Rider-Waite, Tarot de Marseilles and Thoth. I use this deck as one of my daily/weekly tools for personal divination. It may come in handy with a few students too. As for my beloved Thoth deck, it’s only used for the odd reading, meditation and Qabalah study.

As far as books are concerned, they have been the main area of interest and inquiry. Partly because they are tomes of knowledge and I will miss them if they aren’t around for me to study from. Mostly because the house I’ll be leaving them in is heaven for the ignorant and closed minded – I would die if my aunt decided to hide or destroy them, like a few of my old ritual items from times past.

My original plan was to take the smaller version of Liber ABA – Regardie’s “Gems…” As it includes everything I need to know in a more immediate fashion, but I’m just too attached to my blue baby. So below is a small list of a few important books I’m taking, baring in mind I can change them every three months or so until I get my own place the following year.

▪Liber ABA
▪Liber AL vel Legis (I have so many copies of this bible, I really wouldn’t mind if it got lost! I have 8 now; excluding the printed copies within other publications)
▪Gems from the Equinox
▪Garden of Pomegranates
▪Middle Pillar
▪The Tree of Life
▪The Golden Dawn
▪The Complete Works of Aleister Crowley vol. I-III

All of my journals are coming with me! I write in them so damn much I’m already about to start my next brand new Moleskine for Conjurations and thoughts. Write! And write often folks!

▪Book of Conjurations
▪Book of Thoth
▪Book of Horus
▪Main journal

Ritual Items
Now, I don’t know all the rules of my halls yet so I’m not risking candles, my dagger or wands etc. however, I shall take a particular number of altar cloths to create scared space, and possibly a statue or two. I’ve moved from the stage of having a statue to represent deity in order to worship it, as my view of deity is that of the New Æon. I will also have a small vase with a fake red rose – hayfever issues.

Miscellaneous and Pagan Items
I will take a few crystals to keep balance, and my pink yoga mat! If there is a yoga class at the gym then I’ll be going, if not I’ll find one somewhere in the city – need to keep toned and spiritually connected yo’!

Music will be on my iPad, iPhone and laptop, which will range from the beautiful Deva Premal and Maya Fiennes right up to Beethoven, Demdike Stare and Rammstein. I have quite an eclectic taste in music, but rock is in my blood 😛

I’m sure there is much more I could take, but I will see. My travel altar items need a massive reshape too!

Like I said, what would you take with you and why? So many people have so many different paths and experiences, and differing reasons for particular items. What keeps you spiritually connected? Let me know below.

In LVX 93, 93/93



I’m still here!!

I’m still here!! I have a new phone and a ton of things I want to publish. The annoying thing is the touch screen! I’m so used to blogging on my old blackberry phone and then emailing it over to my main email. From there I use the iPad to copy and paste onto the WordPress app. So I’m not gone! Technology is trying to inspire me to blog using telepathy or at least the light touch of my fingers.

As for blog posts and still being here, I am super busy with college. I love college so much more each day. I have applied for universities across the south east of England so I don’t have to travel too far from London. Apart from that j am also trying to sort out my official status within the world of Thelema. Keeping my fingers crossed!

Work has been getting worse by the day. Busy all the time and the nurses only seem to be nagging us to do more. So I’m in the market to find a different job so I can get away from sofa surfing. Earning minimum wage seriously stinks for the amount of hours I put in, but like they say, you have to make sacrifices if you want a brighter future. So far, being homeless, stressed, having horrid shaped eyebrows (they are on strike from all the threading 😜) and never having a day off is getting too much. I am keeping my head up though! S’all good!

I bought a few new bits and bobs and picked up a new Thoth Tarot book to continue my study of the tarot according to Crowley. Bare in mind I have been reading cards via tarot and cartomancy since I was a preteen, so the Thoth tarot is something I am focusing on more this year with the main meanings rather than the general.

My videos have gone in a different direction—slightly. I used to complain about being lonely in my path and complain about the amount of crap within the pagan Youtube community and one day I decided to ask the gods for advice. I basically asked them to remove me from that part of the community and only guide me toward people who I can learn genuine truths from. So far my wish has come true. I have met some of the most amazing people ever! All very helpful and kind. They see how passionate I am about my study and practice and so they have come forward to help me focus more. Thank you brothers and sisters (to be, fraternally). The other change, now that intellectual individuals are finally coming my way, is the slight change in video format. Due to having a new phone I can’t just note down ideas quickly like I used to; at least not yet. So I keep my main camera in my bag so I can vlog as and when an idea arises. Over the space of a week I will render the footage to create a week vlog or a vlog covering events over a few days or something. It won’t be all the time, just a few here and there to start with. I’m saving for a new MacBook too, so in time I can use iMovie and Final Cut Pro again. Better quality videos with better editing.

So that’s all for now, I just need to complete a questionnaire from Annika (OathBoundSecrets) before I lay my head to sleep.

I’m opening up more about my outlook on spirituality, and hoping to be able to learn more about myself in the process. I’m not a teacher, I’m just a young woman trying to record her growth so I can look back on my life.

Thank you, and lots of love.

93, 93/93 x x x



Memories Come Floating Like Incense

I love incense. I love the scents, the fluid motion as it delicately scales the walls. I love the way I make it coil around my hands, fingers and body. I love how something so small can mean so much when cleansing tools or the body. You’re probably wondering why I’m going on about incense, so let me explain in an odd way… this is a spur of the moment post, so excuse the mistakes and I totally understand if you don’t understand at first.

I have just finished up a late devotion for the day, and I love to light incense after everything is finished with in order to keep the sense of calm going around. I pulled out some incense that I haven’t used in a long time, and sadly I forgot what its scent was. It doesn’t matter what the packaging says, if it’s something I don’t use often I will forget. The scent was lemongrass. It is sweet, full of zest and very energising. The last time I burned lemongrass was way back in the early days of magick as a young girl. Lighting incense in the house as a child was like asking my uncle to give me a full bottle of whisky instead of mixing it with warm milk. It was allowed, but just spoken about. My aunt, the lady who raised me along with the nanny and a few cousins and friends, was stuck in the 60s and 70s era. No matter what I did to bring her to the noughties, she refused to live in today’s world. As far as I knew, we liked hippies and mini’s but that was it. I always associated incense sticks and such alike with hippies, rockers and the people in between. The closest I felt I could get to incense was scented candles. We had a beautiful dinner candle set for the dining room table, in various colours (depending on my aunt’s mood) but they weren’t scented. The Menorah was the same, white candles to symbolise purity and that was all. The adults used incense but the kids didn’t and that was the story.

When I started practising Wicca I used oils and coloured candles. I would spend some nights scribbling down new devotions, incantations and spells by candlelight and be happy. My crystals would sit on the windowsill and I’d sometimes watch the light from the sun or moon shine down on them. Magick was moving into my life very quickly, and I just lapped it up. There was a store down an alleyway which was off the High Street that was full of crystals, CDs, chimes, herbs and incenses that only lived for 6 months. Back then the New Age phenomena hadn’t quite grabbed the attention of the nation as quickly as other parts of the country. It was in that little shop that I bought my first pack of incense sticks in lemongrass. If I remember correctly, I went home to an empty house, opened one of my Wiccan books and began to cleanse my room with the lemongrass, chanting as I went along. I picked up how to cleanse tools, my room, altar and myself with incense within a matter of a week. So much so I wrote it in my first shadow Journal with terrible mistakes and bad grammar.

In the early days I experimented with various scents until I found one that appealed to my nose and my energy. I ended up settling on sandalwood, frankincense, Egyptian musk and the unknown scent for Leo and Libra (I am not sure what they are, but it’s those blue packets with the sky and grass on them?). I’ve stuck with those scents for almost everything I do, whether it be meditation, chilling, getting rid of nasty smells or cleansing the room. It is an odd feeling, to know that something tasty can take you back to the early days of life, and today my incense took me back almost 12 years. It was such a vivid recurring moment and it made me smile and think about how far I have come in life. If there is one thing that I find odd about it, it may sum up part of the reason why I love all things lemon scented, even lemongrass.

Like I said, I love incense. What things take you back to funny forgotten moments in your life?


New Year, New Start

Normally I’d look at lots of other blogs for inspiration and ideas into what new skills I can achieve for the first month of the New Year. A month seems short but in reality there aren’t many people who actually fulfil their New Year’s resolutions, and knowing me I’ll start something and within 2 weeks move onto something else… This leaves my original plan floating in suspended orbit around my head. One example of this would be my super random and weird videos that not only boring and long, but incredibly unorganised and messy. They make total sense to me, but a lot of other people do leave after 2 minutes thinking up ways to eradicate the trauma they’ve just let themselves into. I shall be trying to make my videos more ‘hip’ so audiences will benefit from a lively person rather than a boring old moo. [I have noticed the amount of zazz and good looks on Youtube, and since I am no sexy blonde or brunette so I shall have to rely on my va-va-voom].

I’ve noticed for my pagan/spiritual channel my videos are continuous with their tone. Boring, uninformative stuff based on the subjects that aren’t centred on magick, spells and ‘how to make him love you’. I stick to what I know, and what I think is far more important than spell casting, the information that will save your butt every time you end up in some kind of study quandary. Sadly, due the lack of people wanting to know about these uninteresting topics I end up freaking out and put my work down. By this I mean I can film an average of 10 videos, edit them, panic and wind up uploading 1 video. I don’t have the internet at the moment so my uploads have to be within a self imposed time limit due to the file size according to a small wide-screen video or the recommended size. – okay this is blabber but I don’t have the net and sadly I can’t catch up with the influx of new pagan folks on Youtube.

I need to come up with a plan of some sort. So far I have deleted around 75 videos and I’m sure there are loads more I need to clear. I want to interact with more people, make friends and present topics that will be fun and personal. There are a lot of people on Youtube who have turned their craft into a business and they are doing an amazing job, due to the amount of people they have helped and inspired. Others aren’t so healthy when it comes to business, as they are more interested in the numbers of views and subscribers and want to put themselves ‘up there’ with our favourite pagans’ without doing something to give back to the community. It’s those people I’m slightly worried about as they have got something I don’t and it sure isn’t zazz. Once I work it out, I shall keep it locked away with the other pieces of kryptonite.

For this year, well every year in general I have written up resolutions that I intend to keep. I make it a rule that I can add or take away suggestions at any time during January, with the knowledge that I can create a very realistic list. I don’t put things like ‘Climb Mt. Everest’ or state that I want to lose another stone, because those won’t work for me. I love Snickers, Chomp and white chocolate, other than that, I dislike chocolate. I put things like ‘Get a new tattoo’ or ‘Compile new recipes and try at least half of them.’ I enjoy writing lists, followings lists and organising lists. This year I shall share with you my top 5 resolutions which include one thing that may not happen for my spiritual life. Another 5 will be located on my other blog here.

Top 5 Spiritual Resolutions

  • Start and complete the second 108 Days of Meditation – with writing and more in depth studying to include in a future project of some sort.
  • Learn to inspire people, like people inspire me. By this I mean, show people how being boring is not only fun but important!
  • Find my secret yoga place. Go out into the countryside or somewhere ‘secret’ and pose!
  • Finish my first two books, and get them published. (Pray to the Gods people will like my books since my videos are utter crap).
  • Get a place to live, get organised and get the internet!

I have many more listed in my journal. This year I need a complete renovation. I need to be more spunky, fun, crazy and wild!

What are your resolutions?

Sy Calaelen