There are a ton of reasons why I haven’t blogged in a long while. The stresses of life have been challenging me financially, emotionally and physically. These days, I’ve been in such a bad place, a place I’ve never been before. Now I’m aware that Saturn Return is coming very soon for me, and so my life has been difficult over and over since August 2016. So many promises, so much work experience and a constant struggle since I was a child, all for nothing. It’s just one thing after another, and I hope I’m able to figure out what I am supposed to do with my life sooner rather than later, time is running out.
I wanted to work in research and academia, but proved that I’m not as intelligent as I hoped so that dream was dashed. Then I decided to focus on teaching, but one thing is holding me back from it so I won’t give up on that dream yet, and the other path isn’t possible as I have no idea what I’m good at or what I could do. I’m at a loss and need to figure out what I can do career-wise. Sure, I’m in the middle of writing 3 novels and one nonfiction piece, but those are my hobbies, they won’t pay my bills or allow me to progress in a field of work. I’m not sure what to do, and no one in a position of career advice can help as they have no idea what I could do either. It’s just soul-destroying that I’ve been working since I was 12 years old and I’m unable to land a job anywhere at the moment.
On top of that my spiritual path is something that many of you are aware is a huge deal in my life. If I didn’t have my spirituality when I found it I wouldn’t be alive today, I would have given up on everything after the trauma I went through. The last couple of years have been trying and testing. I’ve not practised as much as I used to, and in doing so I have felt a disconnect from myself too. I managed weekly tarot readings for myself, writing up minor astrological notes, rereading my fave occult teachings, and having intense spiritual discussion sessions with a couple important people in my life. Reconnecting with myself magickally and spiritually is important, and it’s wonderful to know I’ll be focusing on that again. I can say, even though I haven’t shared much about my path, it has developed in its own way and it feels good to know I can touch base and keep going. Eventually I’ll be back into the swing of things and will hopefully get some new videos up and have total control over my path again.
Between now and then, I need to keep hoping that good luck will come my way. I’m in the middle of considering going back to university to get a degree in Social Work so I can stay within the Social Care world with much better prospects. I’m just on a mini-journey to get a couple small qualifications that will hopefully allow me to get onto that degree between 2018-19. I’m determined to get an amazing job, with career progression and get my life started the way I’d like to. I don’t want to give up even though it seems like that’s the only option for me. I want my apartment, a job, cats and dogs.
Life sure is hard, and it’s an absolute joke, but I want to be happy. Nothing is permanent, right?