Sy Calaelen

Young, Female, Thelemite | Babalon and Me, Part 2

8 Comments


Babalon - Scarlet Woman

Babalon – Scarlet Woman

 

What does Babalon represent? How do I sing her praises, as it were, and what makes her stand out in my understanding of Thelema? From my own notes and ideas on this glorious Being I have come to a personal understanding of who she is. Whilst Thelema is a new path for me, and seeing how other women and men within this community have bonded together, I wanted to document my struggles with understanding my own femininity and skin, at least for this year anyway. For now I thought I would share the second part of my theory, which briefly outlines how I’ve come to know Her by knowing myself on a physical and mental (emotionally subjective) level.

One thing that does get me, which may come across as just a general moan, but when one reads about Babalon without reading the texts and digesting the information, people assume she represents just sex. I mean look at the image for this post, and then type in her name into Google or something and you’ll see sexual images of a naked lady, or members of the current red-headed brigade. All beautiful, all artistically powerful and thought provoking, but on a literal scale, it’s just naked women. I like to assume I have the eyes of a culture fan, someone who appreciates and understands art, so I don’t see anything pornographic in her. I see erotica on a small level, but I see what it she represents – liberation. The unfortunate issue with the lack of understanding symbology often means that people who are interested in Thelema, or new to it assume all female Thelemites’ are whores, which is totally untrue. Plus, on a personal note the word “whore” is getting old, and I genuinely do not care if I meet someone who loves a lot of sex, I love a lot of books. One fella commented on a photo asking if he were to become a Thelemite, would it mean he’d have women eagerly lining up to have coitus with him. My personal answer would be no (sorry pal, most of us ladies enjoy sex as we are liberated through Babalon, but our spidey-senses go crazy when a sleaze approaches *mic drop*). There is so much more to Her than her cup, and so much more to Thelema than just sex. I have yet to discover the other aspect of her personality as the Scarlet Woman (physical vessel as if were).

Babalon, with her most common understanding is the personification of the “liberated woman.” She represents that inner fire we are told to quell and control from a young age. Many, if not all popular religions don’t like the idea of change, or anything that could cause individualism. Those are seen as blasphemy and fearful. If a woman wants to write, let her write. If she wants more than one lover, let her. If a person, or woman, wants to delve into a deep passion that causes them happiness without harming another, let them. Why should they be stopped? These are the sort of questions and ideas I have written down on various pages when I rant about spending a few minutes with her. I know I have a passion for certain things in life, and I intend on running toward them, and at the same time I am coming into myself as I grow and that’s important.

When folks read and study texts concerning the other titles she is given such as “whore”, it causes a slight confusion. Why would you want to awaken that side of your mind if being open and liberated is frowned upon in today’s society? The names and words used to describe would make most people shudder with shock, and if given the chance to read something like Liber Samekh it would surely leave a horrid and bitter taste in the mouth – if you do read that book try not to go for the literal written words, try and ask yourself things like, “What do certain words actually mean?”. From my personal musings on this subject I have come to realise that politics and the philosophy of controlling female empowerment and behaviour was and still is a predominant ideology. Girls are taught from a young age how to live and behave, and anyone outside that is instantly labelled a “rebel”, “strange” or “whore” for preferring to listen to themselves instead. We are taught that the natural and uncontrollable elements of nature should be kept behind the curtains. I aim to continue listen to my intuition, that gut feeling, those almost inaudible whispers from my HGA, as well as being the curious individual I am. It shouldn’t have to take Babalon to show you that the most crude elements of societal expectations and magick to see how ridiculous it all truly is. Ra-Hoor help us if someone discovers they actually enjoy something as natural and frowned upon as masturbation. We are taught to dislike the natural elements of our body, and Babalon represents how we should stop contradicting ourselves, after all we are human. We are humans living a natural and spiritual experience. I acknowledge this, and like to share it with her.

As I’ve whined on both blogs a few times, I’m a very late bloomer, and I currently love and hate it. Whilst most people were having sex, flirting their way around a parking lot or having deep conversations over popular media trends my head was in books, writing or studying film, literature and magick. Whilst most pagan and occult folks were neck deep in drumming songs for meditation or performing sex magick with lovers, I was deepening my understanding of tarot and my position in the Universe. I will happily and openly admit I fear social situations and most people in general, so you can imagine the latter half of the last 26 years were spent in therapy and my house (thank god for the internet). It wasn’t until I started studying sex magick and Thelema two years back that I really had to stop and really listen to my body. I had to make the decision to start getting to know it better, on my own, before trusting anyone else. For those in the know, I have also managed to combine the whole “survivor mentality” to understanding my own liberation too, and it’s been quite rewarding. Trying to connect myself with the goddess was going to be a hard task, but I was determined to be with her.

Since then I haven’t done a great deal. Every now and then I’ll write up commentaries that relate to the first two texts I’d really studied in my early days, Liber Cheth vel Vallum Abiegni and Of Our Babalon, and of the The Beast whereon She Rideth. I’ve written the odd commentary on particular verses for my journal, and I like to keep my knowledge going when studying the Thoth Tarot. It’s important to me to keep studying the history of her existence, but also to read about how she was represented as the Scarlet Woman for ritual. When I’m not studying I like to assimilate my femininity with hers. I dedicate time with my yoni to her, and her other forms (Sekhmet and Nuit – just general female facets of the Universe) by drawing talismans or sigils in the air, or on my body, or visualising them when I’m in the heat of the moment, and finish by thanking myself. Like I mentioned in the previous post, She is in me, I in her, and so these precious moments remind me of her power on a smaller scale, and that makes me a whore of the Universe too.

I’ve only ever planned my ideal rituals, with her imagery as part of their makeup, but I have yet to meet someone who’ll love me the way I love myself. Until that day arrives I will continue to liberate myself mentally, physically and sexually. I won’t learn to feel the fire of freedom until I do. As for learning how to actually have sex, that’s for the other blog.

Sy

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Author: Sy Calaelen

Sy Calaelen is a British writer, blogger and Youtube vlogger, though she isn't filming at the moment. English literature graduate and future social work graduate. Both sites will focus on literary reviews, book lists, comic books and nerd chat, writing and novel tips, and discussions in magick, paganism and the occult. A mixture of everything from her. Reach out on social media from Twitter, Tumblr, YouTube, Instagram, GoodReads, and Pinterest.

8 thoughts on “Young, Female, Thelemite | Babalon and Me, Part 2

  1. Pingback: Young, Female, Thelemite | Babalon and Me, Part 2 | | Thelema101

  2. 93s
    Soror Calaelen, I have enjoyed this post. It has always been hard for me to see deity of any kind within myself also, mostly because I am so flawed. And after I read this post I went into a meditation on it and unfortunately, I became very depressed. Nevertheless, it showed me that I really need to continue to work on this area of my life. I hope I don’t creep you out, but, I have been reading your blog for sometime now. And I was following you on YouTube. I just linger in the background though. I think, as a person that is just beginning on this path I have felt that I wasn’t smart enough or intellectual enough to communicate with other Thelemites. A lot of you are just so freaking smart. And well me, lol ha, I’m the factory girl. I refuse to let this pitiful way of thinking prevent me from living life fully on this path any longer though. F**K that.! I have even muscled up the balls to start my own meager blog. (nothing intellectual, just me), and you greatly inspire me. You should know that. I miss you on YouTube, I really do. And Frater Kairos has even left. I guess I needed the training wheels removed, ya know? I needed to grow up (Thelemically speaking) and get out here and learn it on my own. It’s progressing slowly but progressing nonetheless, and it is extremely HARD work, but so worth it. I hope you are feeling better. The last I heard you were just overcoming a mean bout of depression. And I see you went ahead and removed Thelemite from the blog heading. I was even reading it when you had Wiccan up there. You have truly gone through a lot. And speaking as someone who I watching your life from a distance, you seem to be getting stronger. I remember when you were leaving Wicca and becoming a Thelemite, that was crazy. People were showing their true colors. You left the watered down wine for the more heady stuff, and I was like, you go girl! Four months ago I took up Thelema as my path and its been a trip but anyway. you don’t know me and you didn’t ask for all of this but, I had to let you know and I hope I haven’t creeped you out to where you would never want to be my friend. I feel awkward as hell but I will post this comment nonetheless, because I feel like you are a friend that is worth having. I’m not O.T.O yet, albeit I am working diligently towards it and I know that I will need help. You have always been good about giving tips and advice. And you have a very sincere, honest heart. I know that if you don’t respond I will probably feel like more of a loser than ever. I know that you are at University though and I will probably just tell myself that you were too busy to respond, Note: I’m working on my self esteem too. I’m a hermit with no friends at all because i’m just not very social. I know that you have been hurt by many people online. I’m not trying to be one of those individuals. I guess I’m just trying to fit into this community. I’m sorry, this wasn’t supposed to be so long. I had a lot on my heart to say to you though. o.k. I’m done. 93s!

    • Honestly, write or comment any time =] I usually set a day or two per week to focus on comments and replies, though things have been busier than usual. I’m still around, I just don’t keep my upload as constant as I’d like at the moment. I’ve got a couple vlogs to upload soon actually! Just waiting to finish work, then I’ll have four days until I’m back at university =]

      Take your time with Thelema, don’t rush. Let yourself fall in love slowly =] I am, and it’s been lovely so far!

      As for self-esteem, I totally understand as someone who lives with it too. Have you checked out the Thoth tarot yet? Try and find your Hebrew name, and then find the cards that are associated with it. Once you find them, you’ll have something to focus on for a while =]

      Nice meeting you by the way!
      93, 93/93

      • 93s
        And it’s nice meeeting you as well. I do have the Thoth deck the large cards and I have the book by Lon Milo DuQuette on Understanding it. I love the deck. I have had to start grounding before I meditate on them though. If I don’t, things get very strange. I start hearing music with each individual card, or feel like I am “falling inside” of the cards. The images slowly start to move and shift, yet stay still ( I can’t explain that for the life of me) I was meditating on the Fool card for a span of time and started to go inside the card and look around. I don’t do any drugs or take any meds, I need to though,but I don’t like going to see doctors. So, i can’t explain why all of this is happening in my mind when I meditate on these cards. I don’t divine with them. I use the Waite deck for that and I’m usually spot on with those, it’s uncanny. I do Resh 4 times a day, say Will before meals, LBRP, asana, keep my magickal diary, although here lately like in the last two days I just found the society of scientific illuminism and realized that I needed to be a bit more scientific in my records and not so emotionally based. I always put the Thelemic date and day, times, moon phases, weather, my emotional and physical condition, locations, rituals and performance results, details and musings…..WHEW!!!! I just began documenting my scale of focus which I picked up by reading Soror F.F.’s record that she kept when she was experimenting with music and the trances that she entered. Amazing record! Forgive me for being so long with these posts. When you never talk to anyone and finally start opening up so someone this is what you get lol! When I finish typing this I will begin looking for my Hebrew name. My name is Michelle and Denise is my middle name. So, I was a member of a Hebrew congregation for about a year so I know my Hebrew Aleph Bet and I know my name is the feminine form of Michael which I believe means “Who is like God?” But that is in Hebrew. So, I guess I will look and try to see how to break it down and get the cards that go with it. But, thank you so much for responding. And again. Sorry this is soooo long.
        93s

  3. Do what thou wilt shall be to whole of the Law.

    Hey, Sy, I just wanted to say that I hope I didn’t come on too strong or overwhelm you with information about myself in that last post. I noticed you didn’t respond. I apologize if I did. I am leaving this comment because I want to know the best way to get into contact with you as of late. I have some things that I would like to discuss. I guess I just need an ear and some advise from someone who has been in this way longer than I have. I don’t intend to waste your time. And if you are really not interested, I do understand. I don’t want to be one of those pesky individuals who is trying to fit in where they are honestly, not wanted. Anyway. I hope this message finds you in good health in every way possible.

    Love is the Law, Love under Will.

  4. Brilliant fresh new Thelemite thinker but I see no signs of exasperation at having to live through the heavy era of Horus (as opposed to MAAT which will follow) – nor at the horrors of AL Ch. 3.
    There are blossoms which grow from the see thoughts in the Diaries of Leah Hirsig (c/r the tribute from Aleisterion). By what to do when YOU have to explain Leah Sublime ?!

    Dr G 33,97,8-3

    • 93s,
      I am a Thelemite, yes, but not a Crowleyite, fundamenalist Crowleyite or Baptist Thelemite etc. I work on my own Divine Will the way I see fit. So no bowing down, assuming the role of slave or eating shite for fun. I do me and leave others to do whatever they need to in order to accomplish the Great Work. Everything is supposed to be individual, so let’s keep fingers crossed slaves within and outside the Thelemic framework eventually see this.
      93s

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