If you spent the most part of your life trusting people, hoping the best for them and yourself. Wanting to relish in the ideology of adulthood and career (regardless of education or not); referring to living life in general, how do you go back to that when you’ve lost faith in people and have grown cynical?
I’m growing more and more cynical as each week passes. I’m sure it’s a natural process people go through. A sort of rite that one must pass in order to define another aspect of their person. It’s fine to be happy, sad, male or female, but what about everything else that accompanies the individual you are supposed to be?
People constantly remind me that we run up against walls and road blocks throughout life. The weaker mind would suggest giving up and just burying your head in the soil. The strong willed continue to jump over the walls and road blocks, ripping them down and not waiting for the next blockage. For me I’m happy to announce I’m not weak (all the time), but not so happy to admit I’m not yet strong enough to sweetly glide over these blocks.
I’ve spent the most part of my childhood being protected from the harshness of adulthood and youth. Loneliness, lack of love and the notion of friendship. I don’t know what will happen tomorrow, but one thing is for sure, I don’t want to be naïve, but neither do I want to be cynical. Thelema is keeping me aware. Hermeticism is keeping my heart open, so I can’t give up completely on the ideology of the ideal life. I need to focus on myself and continue this existentialist bus ride.
How do you change your mindset from being a cynic to being positive about life again? Bare in mind, I’m more lost than anything. Standing in the midst of a dust storm trying to second guess in which direction I should walk to find my way back home, as it were.
I had a plan to follow through with some wisdom from my Thelemic or Hermetic texts, but instead all I can sum up for this short and strange post is a song and a quote from one of my rediscovered favourite writers. Enjoy.
Run Boy Run – Woodkid (not available on phones, computers only)
“Everybody’s youth is a dream, a form of chemical madness.” ~ F. Scott Fitzgerald.