I received an email the other day from an apparent ‘hater’. She, assuming its a she, complained I was intimidating and went on to complain about how I don’t do Wicca themed videos. Firstly, I’m not Wiccan anymore as I finally bit the bullet and had to make myself realise I am destined for something different, and the only videos I intend to upload will be about magick and witchcraft (two vey similar components used by wiccans, Druids, Thelemites, witches and whoever else teaches the manipulation of sub primordial energies). Secondly, I only see myself in a particular way. I don’t know myself, hence the reason why the Gods and the Fates are refusing to let me die young; life is a lesson, and it’s mine to conduct regardless of the good or the bad. The one area I never pay that much attention to is how I come across to people, and part of me thinks that this person is actually correct.
When I upload videos, I don’t like to watch them back because I hate hearing my hoarse voice and seeing those annoying sideways lips, that a childhood of constant thumb sucking ruined. Even these days, now that I can trim the beginning and end, I have to turn away whilst each clip plays. I don’t like watching my videos, and realise more now than ever other people haven’t done since 2009. Nothing much has changed from my introduction video, where I said I wanted to meet people and make friends and so far I have done! Yes!
I guess that is a big old tick! Friendship.
Over the years I have built my online life in an unplanned and haphazard manner, being honest and as open as I will allow myself, and reaping the benefits of making the most amazing friendships ever. The freedom of writing a blog means I can be concise with my thoughts, theories and ideas without too much worry. Same, of similar intent for my main YouTube channel too. Sadly, over the past few days I’ve noticed that folks not only find me unapproachable, but intimidating too. That’s actually shocked me.
I don’t think I’ve ever said or done anything to warrant negativity? Or even make people feel bad, unless they’ve done something wrong. If I have made you feel that way I do apologise. At the end of the day (god I hate that phrase, but I’ve already written it so its staying) I present my opinion on various subjects. They are mine alone. When I ask for help, I genuinely need it because a lot of even the most adept magicians don’t know half the lessons I have learnt, so I ask the YouTube folks.
I think I shall take a few weeks off and focus on other things instead. I also need to work out a way in which people can feel comfortable and safe talking to me. I won’t bite your head off. I promise.
I’m not as scary as some people have revealed I am. It’s a shame I come across that way. I’m just a typical Leo who expects the best for everyone and myself. But, like I said I’ll take time off to reevaluate myself, and focus on my outwardly attitude. I don’t have anything else to go on either.
Sometimes haters give you the wake up call you need, and now more than ever I see why I can never connect well with people; they push me away because of how intimidating or weird I am.
‘Tis life I guess.
What should I change? How should I approach people, or present questions to the public?