Sy Calaelen

Be Honest, Please

13 Comments


I received an email the other day from an apparent ‘hater’. She, assuming its a she, complained I was intimidating and went on to complain about how I don’t do Wicca themed videos. Firstly, I’m not Wiccan anymore as I finally bit the bullet and had to make myself realise I am destined for something different, and the only videos I intend to upload will be about magick and witchcraft (two vey similar components used by wiccans, Druids, Thelemites, witches and whoever else teaches the manipulation of sub primordial energies). Secondly, I only see myself in a particular way. I don’t know myself, hence the reason why the Gods and the Fates are refusing to let me die young; life is a lesson, and it’s mine to conduct regardless of the good or the bad. The one area I never pay that much attention to is how I come across to people, and part of me thinks that this person is actually correct.

When I upload videos, I don’t like to watch them back because I hate hearing my hoarse voice and seeing those annoying sideways lips, that a childhood of constant thumb sucking ruined. Even these days, now that I can trim the beginning and end, I have to turn away whilst each clip plays. I don’t like watching my videos, and realise more now than ever other people haven’t done since 2009. Nothing much has changed from my introduction video, where I said I wanted to meet people and make friends and so far I have done! Yes!

I guess that is a big old tick! Friendship.

Over the years I have built my online life in an unplanned and haphazard manner, being honest and as open as I will allow myself, and reaping the benefits of making the most amazing friendships ever. The freedom of writing a blog means I can be concise with my thoughts, theories and ideas without too much worry. Same, of similar intent for my main YouTube channel too. Sadly, over the past few days I’ve noticed that folks not only find me unapproachable, but intimidating too. That’s actually shocked me.

I don’t think I’ve ever said or done anything to warrant negativity? Or even make people feel bad, unless they’ve done something wrong. If I have made you feel that way I do apologise. At the end of the day (god I hate that phrase, but I’ve already written it so its staying) I present my opinion on various subjects. They are mine alone. When I ask for help, I genuinely need it because a lot of even the most adept magicians don’t know half the lessons I have learnt, so I ask the YouTube folks.

I think I shall take a few weeks off and focus on other things instead. I also need to work out a way in which people can feel comfortable and safe talking to me. I won’t bite your head off. I promise.

I’m not as scary as some people have revealed I am. It’s a shame I come across that way. I’m just a typical Leo who expects the best for everyone and myself. But, like I said I’ll take time off to reevaluate myself, and focus on my outwardly attitude. I don’t have anything else to go on either.

Sometimes haters give you the wake up call you need, and now more than ever I see why I can never connect well with people; they push me away because of how intimidating or weird I am.

‘Tis life I guess.

What should I change? How should I approach people, or present questions to the public?

Sy.

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Author: Sy Calaelen

Sy Calaelen is a British writer, blogger and Youtube vlogger, though she isn't filming at the moment. English literature graduate and future social work graduate. Both sites will focus on literary reviews, book lists, comic books and nerd chat, writing and novel tips, and discussions in magick, paganism and the occult. A mixture of everything from her. Reach out on social media from Twitter, Tumblr, YouTube, Instagram, GoodReads, and Pinterest.

13 thoughts on “Be Honest, Please

  1. Perhaps you were a victim of a bored internet troll. As, I have found your blog very enlightening and warm. I have never subscribed to any other blog before, and I quite enjoy ready your witty and thought provoking dissertations. I think it shows a real thoughtful vulnerability that you would ask whether or not you have offended anyone else. No, not me. At all! You are f-ING AWESOME! Keep it up! I’m still seeking all “the answers”, in my quest for spiritual enlightenment. You have a way with your words that speaks to me, and I really like enjoy it! Your thoughts help me on my Hermetic journey. Haters, gonna Hate.
    ♀ 

    • Mostly I ignore the trolls, I get called the N word at least once every two/three months? Gosh! It just hurt when I noticed that lots of people, including friends assumed the worse about me. Shame really, I can be quite entertaining in my own way if I’m allowed.

      Thanks for the comment, you made me smile =]

  2. Sy, don’t change anything. Whoever sent you that email was a moron. End of. ❤

  3. Do not change to please other people. You are awesome. You change through inner growth, which goes naturally. Real friends will never leave you …

  4. Sy, I really don’t think you should listen to what that person said too deeply or intently, least of all just yet. What can be mistaken for aggression may just be “passion” it’s a matter of channeling that just right and if you aren’t – well then “yes” one can seem aggressive/intimidating. However, everyone is also interpreting what you say through their own “Filter”. So while one person may get exactly what you mean, another will completely misunderstand it.

    Kind of like, “Hear what I mean, not what I say” although we should be trying to “Say what we mean and mean what we say”.

    I think you should ask at least 3 friends you trust the judgement of and say, “Please, I need the blunt, honest to the God/dess truth. Do you think I’m intimidating/aggressive?” You at least respect the judgement of your friends, but it is difficult to respect the judgement of an outsider who doesn’t know you so well or doesn’t attempt to know you at all to understand where you are coming from in your personal experience.

    They could just be that – a “Hater” or an “Internet Troll” looking to incite your temper and make you look a fool publicly. If that’s the case, they don’t deserve your time or energy. So don’t worry and don’t fret until you’ve meditated on this long and hard and at least tried what I suggested. I hope you have a better day! *Digi-hugs*

    ~Gwendolynn

  5. Yeah, tell that troll to go suck a crystal. Don’t let someone’s bullshit affect you, you’ll go insane if you do; cut them off like the parasites they are.

    • I shall!! Grrr!! 😄

      To be honest, it’s getting to me a little, but in a weird way. I piss them off, and other people because of what I do. The difference is that I ask why, how and what people do, rather than assume they are something I perceive. I may be clever, but that doesn’t mean I sit on a pedestall; see? Even people I considered friends never talk to me, or involve me in anything because they assume I’m “bigger/better” than them, and I’m not. – that’s an idea…

      Thanks babe x

  6. I have followed your blog for a bit Sy and I have never commented, but I think this time calls for it. Personally, I quite enjoy the fiery Thelemite that you are and the knowledge that you bring to the Pagan community. Other people may feel differently and that is perfectly fine as we are all different;however, you should not change who you are for anyone. If you come off as intimidating to that person, then why do you feel as though you need to change anything? It is that person who feels that way therefore they are the one with the problem. You do not come off to me as intimidating and I am sure you do not come off as intimidating to many others as well. Plus being “intimidating” is not always a negative thing. Remember this Sy,
    People fear what is different.
    People fear what they do not understand.
    Please do not change yourself because of their fears.

    Many blessings

    • I’m happy with who I am, proud of how far I have come, but those elements hinder people from approaching me. I have a way of scaring people away unintentionally. Thank you for commenting though! It made me smile =]

      I’ll just need to focus on the future for a while and see what is in store.

      Thank you!!

  7. You are hardly intimidating; just vivacious about the subjects that mean something to you. There is a very magnetic, self-expressive poetry whenever someone relates a love of their life for others to experience.

    Sharing that which is close to the heart in a public forum is a fine talent which is sadly lost to those who content themselves with little more than lurking and occasionally snarking out at others for not living their life in a way they approve of.

    There’s really only one bit of advice for non-constructive negative critiquers: “Try making something of your own. That way it can be more to your own liking, and you may even meet some like-minded people. Of course, you may also encounter snarks of your own (and maybe the odd frumious bandersnatch), so be careful out there!”

  8. 93 Sy,

    My first response is, hose the wretch off your space. But, I think the more important question is why are you here; or more accurately, why are your blogs here? Are they for you or are they for others?

    Now there’s nothing that says they can’t be both, but there can be only one number one. What is thy will; do that and no other shall say nay.

    Is your will to be a great blogger of mystical ideas, or to be a formidable magician that shares their journey. If the former, the by all means adjust yourself to be the blogger/author that is recognized and respected. If the latter, then pursue your path wholeheartedly, and tell the naysayers to get the hell off the Boat if they don’t like the ride. It’s your ride, they’re following you.

    Regardless darlin’, you are quite obviously loved. Journey On!

    93, 93/93.

    • Thank you. I love that line, “no other shall say nay”, it’s a wonderful reminder to keep doing what I do. It makes me happy and that is all I need ideally. Even if that means being seen as scary or unapproachable. I nah not be able to touch people the way lots of others do, but that’s life. I don’t mind anymore.

      93, 93/93

  9. P.S.

    As I’m reading replying to this several weeks later, and we’ve passed throu the Equinox of the Gods; Happy Thelemic New Year! Best wishes for 4:21. And we’re now in two sets of high holy days… we left pharaoh behind and found ourselves gods, let the wretch drown in his own misery. };-) 93s

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