Please read the previous post here before reading this one.
There were 2 more points, but because I tend I to write things straight from the mind, I didn’t write them down before hand. I am a fool, I know this, please do not tell me. *face palm* If I remember what they are, I’ll jot them down before publishing here.
I come to a point in the day when I am reading something quite profound, or watching a documentary where the presenter is repeating what I feel in my heart, word for word. When that happens I just feel a sense of acceptance within. Does that make sense? I mean, more along the lines of knowing that the ideas and concepts I came up with aren’t as far fetched as I thought. There is something stirring in the recesses of my mind, and part of me believes that magickal/occult/spiritual knowledge is most definitely innate. You can’t have these concepts of spirituality, and see their physical patterns/manifestation in nature if the Gods hadn’t given you that ability. Think about Decartes meditation on Gods “Trademark Argument”. If you are unfamiliar here is a super quick run down:
God is a tradesman, a jack of all trades. When he made us, which ever way you believe, he left his trademark on us. And there you have it. To expand, on a occult/witchy level, I believe that mark is our connection to him/her/it. Its our wired modem to the Universe. The only way to boost ourselves, and make that connection fast is to find ourselves and start at the base, at malkuth.
Over time, we will come across trials and harsh lessons, coupled with the wonderful effects of our Will going well. For me, this has been happening for some time. The problem I have is knowing I am pretty much a tiny percent of the pagan population, and thus there aren’t many people to turn to. I wish I could upload videos on the Qabalah, or videos on my fan-dom over writers I love. I wish I could just ask people for advice and help when I need it; but I can’t because I will look like a total fool. When I uploaded the brief video on Kameas, asking for folks to come forward, not many people did. I actually felt crap after a few days. I just kept myself why? What was the point? Ain’t nobody gonna understand you, fool! That’s one video I may delete quite soon too.
The one major thing that has made me stop in my tracks is the fact that I know I am changing, and I have to let go of that old life. The person I was back then is no longer the person I am now, nor who I will be in future. I guess in a way, I am trying to show myself that I am that change. I am being initiated again, as it were. A long while back I was initiated. At first I wasn’t sure but I was excited. I think I may have done a video on it, but I have no idea if it still there or not. When I told a few friends about it, they were the ones who confirmed that it was an initiation; I have gone with the flow since, and have asked my newest friends who also confirmed it.
The person I was, and the person I am becoming will appear more as time goes on. I think that is the reason why the Gods have blessed me with a new name. A while back the word ‘Zenais’ kept popping up in dreams (read the second or third previous post). At first, as I was researching into my HGA (high guardian angel or higher self), I assumed I was supposed to give it that name. That’s the person I will become once I am enlightened fully. I will connect with her. She is my Goddess; I am Goddess; I am Buddha.
Ohmigawd… Just writing that last bit sent chills down my spine! In a good way! I am getting closer!
All of the spiritual paths I have learnt from, and still learning from all form the basis of my spiritual life. They all moulded who I am and I am grateful and thankful beyond belief. These paths will nourish me for the rest of my life. I don’t pick and choose as and when boredom hits, because I have never been bored so far. I have hit a point on a particular path where it no longer tastes good and I will drop it almost immediately, such as Wicca. If I become confused, I have learnt to look at the sutras, BOtL and Ptah Hotep, but I will ask folks for help, if I am lost or lonely. I am just going to focus on myself and how I make an effect on the world.
Like I said before, there is more, but I can’t think straight. I am going to leave it there, but please watch the following videos to get a grasp of where I am coming from. They are yoga videos, all less that 4 minutes long.