Sy Calaelen

There’s This Super Duper Guy…

6 Comments


He is funny, very creative and one of my major inspirations. The one thing I’ve never been able to say is how much I appreciate having him as a friend. He inspires me in ways I wish I could say, but I will keep them to myself. Just thinking those thoughts makes me want to slap myself silly. For the time that I’ve known him he has managed to open up that old comfort of books, films and writing. These things I hold them very dear to my heart as they make my mind grow and expand with pleasure, curiosity and pure excitement. Only within the past few months that I’ve actually managed to catch a few hours here and there to sit and read up on my favourite authors. Writers who make me tingle with a creative passion, and push me further and further toward my goal of being a writer myself. When I sit in bed, curled up under my fleece blanket I mutter words from the pages to myself, whether they are in French, English or German. I just love a good book. Anything that makes my mind tick, anything that urges a response or anything that leaves me in disgust is how a good tale must make you feel. Guy de Maupassant, Albert Camus and George R. R. Martin are currently making me feel such things. See how these great writers made one turn the page faster as they sunk into each line? This is how this man makes me feel. His words are hard, rough and cool (as in cool to the touch, not “Yo!”).

I have often imagined what it would be like if we were to finally meet up, but knowing me I’d trip up and start a cataclysmic event of accidents and mishaps before I cross the road to greet him. As wonderful as he is, he makes me foolish, dumb and silly. I find I face palm after every time we correspond because he’s said something I didn’t understand until the next day; embarrassing and stupid old me.

This morning I read the short story Love by Maupassant and it made me wonder about how I could write such a hard hitting and thoughtful story (free on Kindle). If I could find a passion (which thank the Gods I have many), I hope to be able to publish words half as decent as them and more importantly like him. One day. Hopefully one day soon.

There comes a moment in time when you just lay back and evaluate life and the people around you. Often I find I smile at the thoughts of laughter, the sad moments full of tears and others full of oddity. Other times I narrow my life events down to a handful of people, and wish they knew how important they are to me. They never will. People come and go in life, and I’m glad I’ve met the few people I have as they are all amazing and unique. If I die, I’ll be happy because I was inspired daily.

—Just in case you are wondering why I haven’t told him, or the other people who have inspired me, I’m a freak, and freaks tend to freak normal people out – and for that I’m currently scared I’ll lose him/them as friends. (Plus he has no idea I love his works so much – or at least I hope he doesn’t…).

“Promise me you’ll always remember: You’re braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think. Christopher Robin to Pooh” ~ A. A. Milne

Sy xx xx

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Author: Sy Calaelen

Sy Calaelen is a British writer, blogger and Youtube vlogger, though she isn't filming at the moment. English literature graduate and future social work graduate. Both sites will focus on literary reviews, book lists, comic books and nerd chat, writing and novel tips, and discussions in magick, paganism and the occult. A mixture of everything from her. Reach out on social media from Twitter, Tumblr, YouTube, Instagram, GoodReads, and Pinterest.

6 thoughts on “There’s This Super Duper Guy…

  1. Sy,

    I know exactly how you feel. I can identify with what you are experiencing in so many ways, I feel we have similar personalities.

    There is one thing that I have been practicing recently that has helped me immensely. It was taught to me by a very close friend and the practice may seem a little random or counter-intuitive at first but bear with me. It is the practice of acknowledging your love for yourself.

    Though I realized that to love oneself is an essential part of being a whole aware being, there was still a part of myself that responded with a “Yeah, yeah, yeah…” when my friend encouraged me to try this technique. There was some part of me that shy-ed away from exploring the depths of my relationship with myself and truly considering how much I loved myself. Regardless of this initial aversion I decided it was worth it to challenge myself to really give it a fair chance.

    I know it sounds really cheesy and off base, but before anyone goes yakking on themselves hear me out. When I practice this I find myself feeling so much more calm and at peace. In that state my mind and thoughts flow freely from my heart. I am impeccable with my word (Four Agreements reference) my thoughts, feelings and communications flow freely from my divine inner spirit-core. In this state I feel the awkwardness and anxiety I have experienced most of my life still like the surface of a serene lake. The water clears and I can see all the way to the bottom. It is as though my inner most self and/or my shadow side is no longer afraid to come out into my consciousness, and with the love I express to it, it provides the deepest insight into my soul as naturally as instinct.

    They say the shadow is like a disgruntled small child who needs nurturing and gentle love after taking all the beatings and self torture of the mind throughout life, which is often the job of the shadow. (Ive been really into Shadow Work Magic(k) lately : p)

    The idea is to simply look into the mirror once a day and say- “I love you (insert your name here)”
    Then simply meditate on that idea/feeling and begin to notice how it changes your perspectives, moods and behaviors. To really feel that you have your back. Not in a narcissistic, arrogant or selfish way at all but in a healthy self respectful way.

    The reason I tell you this is because in practicing this technique I have experienced so much awkwardness, anxiety, and self doubt melt away only to be replaced with the peaceful divine glimpses into my inner most self. In that state I have been able to interact and communicate with others more clearly, concisely, and more from the heart than ever before. In doing so I have felt more connected to those I am communicating with and felt more clearly understood. From this I have experienced some of the most beautiful social moments and connections with friends, family, and romantic relationships. These moments and connections I would not trade for anything.

    I can not promise that this technique will be beneficial or necessary for you or anyone with complete certainty, but I figured if it can help you in the way that it has helped me that I must share it with you!

    Much Love!

    -Melissa

    *Side Note- The Four Agreements (an ancient Toltec wisdom guide) is a book by Don Miquel Ruiz, a small book and quick read that was life changing for me. The agreements are: Be impeccable with your word, Don’t take anything personally, Always do your best, and Don’t make assumptions. If you haven’t read it yet it is right up your alley you would love it. I found a copy online for like 2 or 3 dollars. Anyway I highly recommend it for you. : )

    • Haha, thanks for the recommendation! that book basically summarises the Four Noble Truths. I think I have given the wrong impression on this post… I am confident (at times) but he gives me the extra push as if he is my human muse, and a male one at that lmao.

      Thanks for the advice hun! We are too similar and that is really cool =]

  2. Aww. You should tell him. I’m sure you won’t screw it up. You need to have more faith in yourself.

    • I will screw it up, hence why I won’t say a thing. Lol, I’m that weird friend people feel sorry for, but they aren’t brave enough to say “Go away now little girl.” He is a muse of mine… from a far…

  3. I’m the same way, always making a fool of myself right when people are watching.

    Yet, much like Melissa said, I taught me to love myself. Now when I hit my head at a restaurant and not knock over the table, when I trip and fall flat on my face in front of the person I like, or when I stutter on my words right after raising my hand and 300 people are listening — I just laugh it off(mostly).

    I don’t know you very well, but from what I’ve seen you’re amazing! Anyone too thick enough not to see it is crazier than me… and that’s saying something.

    • I’m learning that little by little and so far I’m smiling more and more. The guy I was referring to is a muse of mine, a friend who I wish I could be better friends with but I shan’t so I’m not taking it too seriously any more. I shall love myself more! =P

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