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It Was About Age, Egoism and Personal Choices…

… but I messed up, and for that I am not re-writing it! =P

The subject of age and the ego really gets on my nerves, especially when they have been mixed up together. I don’t expect every person who switches to the pagan side to become righteous figures due to experience and past lessons learnt. Neither do I ever assume that hereditary pagans have a right when deciding who is worth the energy and who isn’t. You’re probably wondering why I’ve focused on those two slants, but to be honest those are almost random occurrences, but the first idea is one I’ve noticed over the years, and in some way I’m trying hard to fight against it so I never develop those thoughts. Too many people have made it clear that young people belong to a different age. Young people are to be seen and not heard, and going as far as labelling them as white rabbits. It’s quite sad. Worse still, this weird idea of putting good hearted young people down instead of helping to build them up is something I have to deal with on an almost daily basis. Hopefully I’ll get my point across.

I used to sit and read fantastic books about witches, wiccans’ and classical myths wanting to feed my mind with beautiful words. I loved being able to transport myself to other worlds, other times and different places. As time went on I began to read up on more practical teachings, in ways that would teach me how to act out what I had been taught. These books helped carve my path, carve out the many roots that would help create my destiny and the thought made me proud. The things I’ve learnt over the years have moulded me into the pagan I am today, yet no matter how much I know and how much I have yet to learn, it has been a relatively lonely journey. It wasn’t until I started meeting and greeting people from 2007 that my lonely world finally turned a new leaf and I learnt and shared information and teachings with the pagan folks online. Life seemed to fly by when I was doing my spiritual study, so much so that I finally felt so at peace with where I had come, that I never thought anything bad would ever happen again.

How wrong I was.

I always wondered why Christians never truly got on with each other, unless they were part of the same denomination. I used to sit and question why non-Pagans and non-Buddhist and other like minded groups were always shrouded in unhappiness and always did what they could to hide the bad things that happened. I always thought deep down, I’d never be as upset as them because being pagan meant you couldn’t be further away from the OTG. I felt and still do feel closer to the OTG than the popular religious folks, and that’s a horrible thing to feel in a large sense. Why? I feel great about it, I know I have experienced things most people could only ever dream about, but deep down I can’t help but feel pity for people who work hard to try and find a place they can call their spiritual home. When people try to put me down for my beliefs or for my personal understanding of the Gods because of how old I am or because I’m pagan, I must admit I do feel sad. Why make others feel bad about not being able to do what they can? And just as I slipped in there, age is something that really shocks people.

I think I may have debated on the issue of older people being crude toward the younger audience just because they happen to know the same amount of information as them. I also take note in observing when I should speak and when I should keep quiet around people who are older than me, or individuals who are the same age. I have made many friends with spiritual individuals from various backgrounds and many ages, all with different perspectives and outlooks on life. I actually take a great amount of pleasure listening to wise people of all ages; due to what it is they have to teach. I remember times when I would sit and listen to the old Jewish parables from the Rabbi or the tales of old from my lower school teachers. My face used to light up when I knew I understood the words, feeling every letter coil in my head. As you can imagine, I eventually grew up and before I knew it, I had developed the stepping stones that would create my well fed mind. I had my own views and opinions on a lot of things, and even now I’m researching various areas of human living in order to work out where my mind stands in this modern world. I could go into my new found thoughts and feelings of strident feminism, animal cruelty and my sudden dislike of Peta, or even my deepening teachings on the occult, but I shan’t. I am at a point where I don’t feel confident enough to share them just yet. I have tried to share them with people out here in the real world and I tend to get mixed reviews. One person in particular loves to cut me off half way through my explanation on a subject, or feels I shouldn’t have such opinions at such a young age. Actually, I was moaned at because I like to read The Guardian and The Daily Telegraph… I’m sorry that I prefer substance to a pair of tits.

This post so far doesn’t make any sense. I am trying to write using my personal experiences, but I’m so annoyed that I cannot focus… I started this post last night believe it or not… I wanted to talk about age and how there are some people who feel the need to put young people down just because of the choices they have made in life, especially when the choices these young people have made are very different to their children, for example, members of my mother’s extended family see me as ‘snobby scum’ because I haven’t had kids or got a criminal record. I made the choices most parents would be proud of, education, spiritual growth and denim. Apart from age, I was going to write about egoism and how it affects the non-religious and religious community and then eventually flow into why egoism doesn’t work that well, with a slight heavy slant on basic philosophy. Somehow I’ve started off well and gone into a nice rant and now I’m lost. Oh well… Interlude over.

It seems in this day and age there is rife competition and I love to watch people fight out popularity with each other, all trying to claim a stake on this planet. I won’t get involved as I prefer to just let people get on with their activities. But I can’t help but wonder how I should get my word across without seeming too over the top. I have no need for popularity contests or to use my age as leverage for making people listen to me. I just don’t see the point in it. I take people as they are. If you have something to say, I’ll do my best and be there to listen as I know I’ll have something to learn. If you have some to share, I’ll be there to take part and help you. If you don’t have anything to share, then I’ll be there anyway. That’s just how I am. Regardless of age or the amount of knowledge you have, if you are you then to me that is all that counts. You have your life experiences and I have mine, but just because I’m 23 it doesn’t mean I should be boxed with the label ‘Presume Me’ on my head. I hate that. I hate that stigma.

What do you expect a 23 year old spiritual woman to do with her life? I haven’t done much yet, I haven’t yet felt like I have reached a peak in my life, but I feel I’m getting closer to the summit and the thought makes me shiver with anticipation. I am not normal, partly due to my own choices and sadly mostly due to things I can’t control, but I am living life at this moment. I look forward to turning 65 and still feeling young at heart. I’ve had dreams of being a well established writer in the spiritual world, with many readers and critics all around me. I see myself being a teacher of some form in the future, with the ability to share my knowledge to many. That all seems very big headed and I do apologise, but if I’m not experiencing life as best I can at this young age, then sadly I’ll end up as a judgmental individual in the future. That scares me.