Sy Calaelen

I’m Still Here, Just Not There


I had considered uploading a video about my disappearence from Youtube, but there are so many factors that involved and I didn’t want to go into them. To basically put it, in case you haven’t read my previous posts, I’m trying to take my mind off things due to my depression that has come back. I’m also very busy with college, and have so far failed one exam which I hope to retake in May. I’m still at a loss with living between homes and such and so forth. I’m doing the best I can at the moment, but keeping a hopeful mind will keep me grounded… if that makes sense? It sucks being in the situation I’m in, especially as I would love to be like other people and just unload on friends and family, but I can’t bring myself to do that. Whatever my problem is I just have to keep it to myself, my therapist and Phoenix.

I try to keep a positive outlook on everything, and smile when I can. Deep down, behind that mask I am crumbling and all I want to do is break down and cry. I’ve been working on a few Buddhist practices that involve meditation and mantras and so far they are helping to change my thought patterns. At the moment, my life is utter crap and it is only an amount of time before something bad happens (actually, one girl has taken it upon herself to get me sacked from my current job, so I’m waiting for the meeting on it). I need to get a move on.

As for my channel, I’m sticking with it but I won’t be uploading any more videos for a while. I hope that when I do get back to it, I’ll finally get a grip on what I want to talk about without offending anyone or worse making people think badly of me. I am who I am, and no one said you should stick around. There are plenty of amazing people on various websites, so check them out and please leave your negative and racist comments to yourself. The lists and requests I’m getting from people are well appreciated, but I can’t film my responses just yet, but I’ve taken note of them. Some topics  may prove too difficult to explain on camera, so I’ll post them on my blog instead. My Buddhism series may not have a series 2 due to a lack of interest, and that goes for My Meditation series also. I may keep them for a while or I’ll delete them.

These days, I have become quite sad, low and miserable but I am trying to be fun and happy again.

Keep mailing me, and I’ll reply as soon as I can.

Blessings, Sy x

Don't ever let someone take your pictures! They throw you off!


Author: Sy Calaelen

Sy Calaelen is a British writer, blogger and Youtube vlogger, though she isn't filming at the moment. English literature graduate and future social work graduate. Both sites will focus on literary reviews, book lists, comic books and nerd chat, writing and novel tips, and discussions in magick, paganism and the occult. A mixture of everything from her. Reach out on social media from Twitter, Tumblr, YouTube, Instagram, GoodReads, and Pinterest.

4 thoughts on “I’m Still Here, Just Not There

  1. I have become very interested in Buddhism over the past year, so if you want to talk more about that, I for one am interested 🙂 I know how horrible depression is, just remember that a lot of people love you ❤

  2. Great picture. 🙂 I love the altar behind you.

  3. Depression is a downer. The dark dark night abyss of the soul. But the dawn comes and the light and you squezze out of it alright – right ! Turn on your Witch-woo and ask for the best and He-Ho the universe grants your request. Make tomorrow better than today – well gosh me ! – It is yesterday. Make good dreams and flight into your future and (dunno what rhyms with that – luck awayways).

  4. Depression is a downer. The dark night of the soul that you are stuck in the abyss. But you get out of it. You get squeezed out the other end by morning and the Sun comes up with his hat on ready to play again. So reach out your Witch-Woo and make the Universe do what you do and see the Goodness come to you and all the set backs go pooh pooh to them.
    There said ! Post you YouTube account on Facebook so I may come and visit. ta.
    Jeff Scott-Turner

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