I had considered uploading a video about my disappearence from Youtube, but there are so many factors that involved and I didn’t want to go into them. To basically put it, in case you haven’t read my previous posts, I’m trying to take my mind off things due to my depression that has come back. I’m also very busy with college, and have so far failed one exam which I hope to retake in May. I’m still at a loss with living between homes and such and so forth. I’m doing the best I can at the moment, but keeping a hopeful mind will keep me grounded… if that makes sense? It sucks being in the situation I’m in, especially as I would love to be like other people and just unload on friends and family, but I can’t bring myself to do that. Whatever my problem is I just have to keep it to myself, my therapist and Phoenix.
I try to keep a positive outlook on everything, and smile when I can. Deep down, behind that mask I am crumbling and all I want to do is break down and cry. I’ve been working on a few Buddhist practices that involve meditation and mantras and so far they are helping to change my thought patterns. At the moment, my life is utter crap and it is only an amount of time before something bad happens (actually, one girl has taken it upon herself to get me sacked from my current job, so I’m waiting for the meeting on it). I need to get a move on.
As for my channel, I’m sticking with it but I won’t be uploading any more videos for a while. I hope that when I do get back to it, I’ll finally get a grip on what I want to talk about without offending anyone or worse making people think badly of me. I am who I am, and no one said you should stick around. There are plenty of amazing people on various websites, so check them out and please leave your negative and racist comments to yourself. The lists and requests I’m getting from people are well appreciated, but I can’t film my responses just yet, but I’ve taken note of them. Some topics may prove too difficult to explain on camera, so I’ll post them on my blog instead. My Buddhism series may not have a series 2 due to a lack of interest, and that goes for My Meditation series also. I may keep them for a while or I’ll delete them.
These days, I have become quite sad, low and miserable but I am trying to be fun and happy again.
Keep mailing me, and I’ll reply as soon as I can.
Blessings, Sy x