Hurtful Comments Make Me Cry


So this is a super short post, purely because I am quite annoyed and would just like to know what gives people the right to treat others within the pagan community the way they do? This is a very difficult issue and sadly I’m crying as I type this but it has become so personal that it affects my heart.

This is one of several comments from a Youtuber about a series I did on the Ancient Greek Classics by Homer and Hesiod. I’ve been working with the Greek Gods and Roman Gods for a long time now and they have revealed a lot to me, and taught me a lot. Now if religion was only permitted on the basis on skin colour why the hell would they come to me in dreams? Why the hell would Apollo take me under his wing to help me when I needed strength? If I’m meant to be in a box why would Anubis, Cernunnos and other Gods go out of their way to ask me to honour  them? Those thoughts run through my head. It’s very difficult to understand.

I gathered information and looked up my notes on the Theogony and the Iliad from previous personal study and put together a small series of 4 or 5 videos detailing the creation of the world according to those amazing poets. A few people had asked for my take to aid them in their own study, and I was more than happy to help in any way I could. I understand my videos are incredibly boring and very monotone, but that’s just me. I take things seriously, and present them in the best fashion as I am quite nervous in front of the camera. I find it easy to fall into a state of paranoia when I talk openly about my own experiences, but that’s part of the risk when making vlogs for the internet. I’m creating these videos with a piece of my heart in each one, hoping to help at least one person out there, and so that means I’m open to the hate and the hurtful comments. In time I just have to take my stride and rise up against the silly comments, but every so often I will buckle and let the hurt in. It hurts.

The things I have experienced as a witch are most amazing and incredibly captivating. I only wish to share some of them with whoever is willing to listen. Sadly I get comments like this and wonder why I bother :

“oh great a black broad trying to be white through a traditionally white pantheon when will the madness end “

Why wake up in the morning just to rip me and my beliefs? Why not just ignore me and get on with your own life? Where do I ‘try’ anything? Where do you get your research and information from?

That series is now no longer open to the public and in time I will delete them, but I spend so long working on something only to be shunned and overlooked. I’m sorry I don’t have the spunk and energy most others do and that’s why I have taken a break. I shan’t do much more for a while now.

All I ask is this, please inform me which videos I should remove now rather than later when my heart finally breaks. I feel like an idiot thinking I was doing something to help people. I’ve only been practising a short 13 years come June, but I thought my input was something I could share.


Author: Sy Calaelen

Sy Calaelen is a British writer, blogger and Youtube vlogger, though she isn't filming at the moment. English literature graduate. Both sites will focus on literary reviews, book lists, comic books and nerd chat, writing and novel tips, and discussions in magick, paganism and the occult. A mixture of everything from her. Reach out on social media from Twitter, Tumblr, YouTube, Instagram, GoodReads, and Pinterest.

11 thoughts on “Hurtful Comments Make Me Cry

  1. oh DARLING!!! this post broke my heart. tears are coming to my eyes right now. you were like the second channel i discovered when i first started on YouTube. i fell in love with you AND your videos. i still feel the same way. the fact that somebody would say that is incredibly wrong and irritating. i don’t see why it should matter if someone not natively Greek shouldn’t be able to work with the Greek gods. the same discrimination happens in the heathen community, i’ve found. i’m white but since i’m not of Scandinavian descent, i’ve gotten hurtful words from people, so i can kind of identify what you’re going through, though obviously not entirely since i’m Caucasian. i’m truly sorry this ignorant spiteful person has hurt you so deeply, i really am, because i love you and your channel SO much and i know the majority of the YT pagan community does as well =] your videos aren’t “boring”, they’re just presented in an academic way, which some people may not like. but you know what? if they don’t like your videos THEY DON’T HAVE TO WATCH THEM! your subscribers love your videos and will continue to watch them, no matter what subject they are. you’re one of the best vloggers in the pagan community, so i ask you not to change a thing unless YOU feel a change within yourself! i’ve made the mistake of changing my videos because of hurtful comments and it really sucks. you’re right, you put a piece of your heart when you make videos and it really comes across, which is lovely. you’re sincere and open. you’re extremely intelligent and you have a knack for teaching. i’m sorry if this comment is uber long, but i’m truly heartbroken reading this. i hope this made some difference in how you’re feeling right now. just know i love you ❤

  2. You know what, I say fuck that person. I think your videos are truly brilliant and you are such an asset to the YouTube pagan community and the Pagan community as a whole. I can’t tell you how many conversations I’ve had with other YouTubers where you have come up as an example of an intelligent, beautiful, wonderful vlogger. Because of attacks like that one we have fewer and fewer great videos on YT and I often find myself hearing about/talking about the golden age of pagan vids on YT. Take what time you need, do what you have to do for yourself, but please don’t disappear, don’t take your videos down and rob future viewers of your amazing insight and information. I know I personally haven’t been super active on YT in the last year (or much at all) but I still love it and I adore you and you are stronger than this racist piece of crap and you can get through this! ❤ ❤ ❤


  3. That’s just one comment from one person who probably just randomly found your video. There are alot more people who really love you and the videos you make. We don’t want you to stop making videos! I don’t think they’re boring or monotone at all. Not everyone can be bouncy and hyper, and nor should everyone be. I actually prefer people who aren’t like that. I think your videos are very informative and you are a very sweet woman. You’re beautiful and unique and you shouldn’t take comments like those to heart. I know it’s difficult sometimes, but they’re just trolls trying to make you angry. There’s always gonna be one person who leaves negative comments. They’re bitter and they probably have nothing better to do. You’re wonderful and you should ignore those comments. Just delete em off the video and out of your thoughts.

  4. Hey Sy,
    Who ever posted that comment is a self loathing bottom feeder. They don’t even deserve a second of your consideration! This is the type of person who should be pitied, because they will never know real love, truth, or happiness.

  5. I learned a long time ago that no matter what there will always be someone out there who doesn’t like you for what ever stupid reason. A time comes in our lives where we must choose to submit and be defeated, or to fight. Once we make the decision to fight, we must give it everything we have. Trust me, it will be worse to look back on your life and feel that you censored yourself when you know/knew your full potential for awesomeness. Just as there will always be someone who doesn’t like you, there will also always be someone who thinks your the shit! They see you for what you really are, and those people who really appreciate your beauty deserve to see it blossom forth in all its glory! We know your awesome, you know your awesome, now give us everything you got! The way you do anything is the way you do everything. There’s tons of people out there who hate huge name celebrities, but those celebrities still give it EVERYTHING they got, because its that spark of talent that got them where they are today. I KNOW you got that FIGHT in you!!! : )

  6. When I found your videos I had lost my way. I had no one to turn to with all these questions and all this fear pent up inside me. I thought maybe no one had the answers I was looking for, that maybe no one knew the way through the forest at all. Then I found this beautiful woman with a warm, kind of lopsided little smile that lit up a candle to show me all the different paths I could follow. She didn’t point me down one and tell me, “This is the right way.” instead she shook her head and walked with me a little to help me find which way I felt safe in. I wound up following in her shadow like a chick does its mother hen, and I felt safe and began learning things.

    That was you and your videos.

    I started following, started searching around for myself while staying close…and now I feel like some beast in the wood has taken the candle far away. Please don’t let its light go out. There are so many others just beyond its glow who look to you for guidance and security, for wisdom and wit.

    I know it’s selfish and childish of me, but I feel like we’ve just said hello. I’m not ready to say goodbye yet, so please don’t leave.

  7. No matter what, there just always seems to be someone who doesn’t like another for completely ignorant reasons. The internet seems to draw even more bravado from those who wish to put others down. However, I ask you please don’t stop being who you are and doing what you’re doing. As an African American you give me so much courage and hope to just be who I am and I’ve greatly admired your work for a year now! As, a witch you inspire me and bring such a wealth of information and personal experience to the table that I have drawn heavily from in my own practice. As a person, you show me a model to follow and have inspired me to put myself out there in my own way. There will always be meanies who don’t champion one’s efforts, especially for those of us who choose to live authentically. Sometimes we feel strong and sometimes we feel like it’s too much to deal with those people. But please never stop because of them. You have people who greatly respect and admire who you are and what you do…if only in an awesome video or blg post! 🙂

    P.S. Have you ever read The Artist’s Way by Julia Cameron? I think you would really enjoy the book. As an Artist and a Witch the book has been marvelous for me and helped to move me through creative pitfalls, maybe you’d love it too.

    Blessed Be

  8. Definitely do not stop your videos! wtf! NEVER… In Fact, put that b*tch on blast and make a YouTube video of the obvious: ‘I’m Black and exploring different traditions.’ Repeat that rude comment in the video. Talk about how it hurt you if you’d like… then how you laughed because you thought “what insecure person would take the time out to try and make me feel inferior because of my race? I almost stopped making videos/blogs because of this. lol! sike! I’m back and gonna be more in-depth, stronger & passionate with what I do.” Avoiding the racial issue isn’t the best way to go. Esp. because your subscribers have obviously benefited from your sharing. I’m a black woman.. pagan… and in the same boat. Do what you need to get through this… but for heaven’s sake… Don’t stop! With my outrageous personality, I’d to a 1-min or so intro to each video being like “so if you cant tell, I’m black. And if you cant read titles, this vlog is about my experience with Greek/Roman deities and/or witchcraft. If there is a problem, right here, right now… leave! I wont indulge in racist nonsense. I was hurt before. Never again. Now, on with the lesson…” Now I know not everyone is as in-your-face or as bitchy as me, and I think that downtime is okay. But I can’t emphasize enough: DONT STOP THE VLOGS/BLOGS! Put that rude @ss b*tch on blast, then smile, heal, and continue!

  9. Fffft, mean peoples being mean! *hugs* I for one really like your videos and posts, Sy! I know I don’t comment much on them (I rarely do comment, for anyone’s vids or posts) but your insight into stuff for people like me, who still don’t quite understand the topics, is way helpful and your personality infront of the camera is awesome. It makes you personable instead of ‘teacher on high’ type of apperiance. I pull a lot of info from your videos and watch them over and over again. Even the ones where your dead serious about the topic are interesting and helpful.

    I know hurtful comments can get to be a real burden and pain in the heart, but I do hope you’ll continue vlogging when your ready to do so, and continue shareing your knowlage despite mean people being mean.

    Brightest blessing!!

  10. Funny how when white people initiate into Vodou, no one says, “Boo”. Go on and tell your story, girlfriend! If the gods speak to you, you better listen!

  11. I didn’t read the whole blog post you’ve submitted but bear with me.
    Maybe we should take this youtube user on an educational journey starting with the Egyptians. Where exactly is Eygpt, well a click glace at a world map will show you that Eygpt is surrounded by Libya and Sudan. If you venture down South West you will enter Chad, Nigeria, Central African Republic, Cameroon and many other area’s. And let us ask ourselves, what continent are these countries in? Africa. Why do the Egyptian’s speek Arabic? Proberbly because they’re connected to Saudi Arabia, which is connected to Yemen, Oman, Iraq, Sirya ect. And what language do all of those people speek? Arabic!
    And let us ask ourselves about the people of these area’s, what colour is their skin? Well it varies from deep dark hue’s to rich caramel shades but all the same, none of these people were white.
    Then we venture on up to Italy and Greece, both countries fall into the “Olive” coloured skin catagory (and the shade my skin goes when I leave the UK and actually see sunlight) why is their skin this colour? Well because for centeries (I have no spell check on this PC im afraid) people from those african countries have been mixing with them and thus creating this skin tone. Infact the only traditionally pale Italians are from up north in Milan, Venice, Verona etc. because of the close proximity to the rest of Europe and the cooler climate. Ancient Romans, Greeks and Egyptians were not “white”.
    Even if you honoured the Celtic Gods, after all the UK invasions from the rest of “not-snow-white” Europe and the epic Roman invasion I dont think you could even safely claim THEY were all completely white.
    Infact I think it was only in medievil times people loved the white skin colour, because only the rich could afford it, to stay inside all day and develop a skily white colour, the rest of socity that had to labour outside, well they were all tanned.
    This person is an uneducated Egit, next time fight back with some knowlege! You cant fight the facts of history!
    I love watching you, Blessed Be sister!!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s