Sy Calaelen

A Witch With Depression :: Update

5 Comments


Get help if you think you have depression. It will get better.

I’ve come to a point in life where my depression is stable and I have worked out my triggers and the techniques I use to stop it from getting worse. I do suffer with a mental disorder, but my therapist is eager for me and many of his patients not to use medication. I uploaded the video about my depression asking if witchcraft was an addiction, and my original hypothesis came true. The craft in no way shape or form is an addiction. For me, and many of the people who watched the video have said that the craft has given them something to feel positive and excited about. Along with other things, the craft is a great coping mechanism that doesn’t harm you. One study, from a magazine I was reading, suggested that coping techniques made a positive affect on people with depression in the long run, and one such example was a girl who was prescribed a dog. She realised her dog needed her, so she would make the effort to keep herself positive.

The video below is a response I got from a lovely witch and tattoo artist, and I loved it! Her reply was touching and personal and it made me feel like I wasn’t alone. Go to my main channel to read the comments for the video I did. The comments are astounding, so thank you everyone! (My video)

My Triggers
One of my main triggers at the moment is work. I’m stuck in a very low paying job with no value. I work with lovely women, but there are the few who make my life hell whether they see it or not. Though one person I work with has managed to make me harm myself after a terrible shift. I haven’t done anything physical in years, but the tension of three years just came out in a two minute explosion and I was stunned.

Another of my triggers is my mother. Sadly, I can’t get rid of her habits so all I can do is nod and smile. I found I had frequent migraines when I was living with her, but now that I’m elsewhere I don’t worry so much and stress doesn’t keep me awake.

Food is another trigger, or at least my body and the whole ‘What do people think of me?’ attitude. I can’t help it. No matter how many times someone says, ‘Oh don’t worry about them or what they think’ I still can’t fathom how I’m supposed to do that everyday. People have shown me what they think of me since year 1, and it hasn’t been nice. i’m a quirky individual who practices witchcraft and happens to be celibate. Get over it.

How I Cope
I’ve mentioned before that journalling and drawing helps me a lot, and they do in a huge way. I’m naturally creative and many people who are around me a lot on a daily basis often comment on how quirky I am and that I should look for a career on stage. I can’t act very well… but my main goal is to write for TV, film and stage at some point. I’m a writer. I often find it a perfect moment of creativity when I write up a new spell or ritual and later work it out. I feel at ease knowing I’ve dedicated time to perfect a spell and perform it for the Gods and myself.

The relationship I have with God is immense. I can not live a life without taking the time to notice the little things around me. When I was at an extremely low point, I remember looking out of the window in hospital and watching the birds flying around a tree and a squirrel climbed up and it had a face like thunder. It made me giggle, but I cried knowing I hadn’t taken the time to notice that. Then came the blame game, where I blamed myself for being a victim to bullying and other things. Over time I worked through it with the Dr.

Every little thing I do is for God, and nothing will ever change that. The Gods have been there for me my whole life and and I promised them I’ll never make another attempt on my life. I try hard each day not to have horrible thoughts about myself, and each day is a struggle. Not until I find a new job will I be able to start a new chapter.

For now, meditation pulls me through. I’m a fan of Shamatha Vipassana which is a type of Buddhist meditation where you acknowledge your emotions, face them and then release them to the world by thinking about people in far worse situations than you. It is much more complex than that, but I have had very moving moments. I love a good cry every so often.

Oh well, ’tis life eh?

Related Links
Give Up All Hopes of Fruition
Day #5 – I Can’t Live Without This (or that)!
My Buddhism: Shamatha Meditation

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Author: Sy Calaelen

Sy Calaelen is a British writer, blogger and Youtube vlogger, though she isn't filming at the moment. English literature graduate and future social work graduate. Both sites will focus on literary reviews, book lists, comic books and nerd chat, writing and novel tips, and discussions in magick, paganism and the occult. A mixture of everything from her. Reach out on social media from Twitter, Tumblr, YouTube, Instagram, GoodReads, and Pinterest.

5 thoughts on “A Witch With Depression :: Update

  1. Pingback: I’m So Fucked as a Person « Sy Calaelen's Blog

  2. Thankyou for sharing this, I have just come across your blog after looking around for other pagans who also suffer with this black and cruel beast. I too have suffered with depresion since I was 14 years old and struggle with it always. I have accepted that I always will, but still have these huge – what I call little mini break downs every now and again, Which I had quite recently. My main problem is that I am far to hard on myself

    again thanks for sharing this, find your blog inspiring

    • No problem. I’ll check your blog now =] that’s all part of being human, you’ve survived this long and it makes you a fighter. Most people wouldn’t be able to cope with a ‘slight problem’ and that’s what makes us unique.

  3. also i have decided to write about my own depression in my blog – you inspired to write about my recent experiances

  4. Thank you for sharing, I do suffer with depression myself and it sucks, I have had it since I was 13 years old, and I still do get it back every now and again, but I am finally getting the help that I need to get me through it and now I’ve read your blog I have realised on what is still keeping me hear and that is my family and the things that I love doing the most witch inudes Witchcraft, giving healing to clients that needs upliftment and also attending to developing abilities circles, thank you for your inspiration if you van do it Sy then so can we!!! 😃

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