Sy Calaelen

Why Do Matters of the Heart Suck?

8 Comments


Relationships [I have decided] are too hard and they are unnecessary at this moment in time, or maybe ever. I’ve had a really bad time with guys and to be honest I’m growing cold of the whole nonsense idea of getting married and having kids. In this day and age there are more lone-parent families in the UK now than there was 10 years ago. I refuse to have any children with a person who can’t be bothered to try at a relationship, and weirdly I agree –in a small way – with the lifestyle of heterosexual people, adding a ‘no strings’ sticker to every person they meet.

Like every little girl I had the dreams of growing up and marrying a prince, but alas when we do grow up we find our princes are just fakes and their princesses are false in more ways than two. I don’t know how we evolved into narrow minded people, or whether that’s just how people are, but when I ended my first ever relationship a few weeks back I realised I’m too into my own head to care much about someone else’s theories and thoughts. I thought I had been really mean, and did something really low and he confirmed it in emails to me. As the days rolled on I soon woke up and saw that it wasn’t me who had the problem and the battle started.

I crush a lot, and sadly that means being a silly girl who fantasies about a relationship, as Caitlin Moran put it in her book, “…it’s a test run to see if the relationship will work out or not.” I’ve ‘seen’ a few guys within the last year or so, one guy was a lecturer with a prestigious job, but I wasn’t smart enough for him. Another was a sexy vegetarian with a body to die for, a beautiful dog, great job but he was a sleaze [you know the kind, “I’m too good looking to keep my body for you.”]. Another was perfect in every single way, funny, smart, academic and seriously down to earth – everything I’d love but in a way I knew he was too good for me too. Another I fell in love with, and I still love him deep down, but he’ll never know – too much of a history to go digging up for no reason, so I’ll pretend like everything is totally normal. My ex, my first ever boyfriend who bought me chocolates all the way from Belgium but we were two different people, our personalities clashed big time. Oh and I have a tendency to turn guys gay, I don’t know how I do it, but I do.

The funniest thing is… I’m celibate so I can’t even blame it on the sex. I just suck at relationships. I either meet total sleaze bags, guys with off the scale personalities [the scale in my mind] or men who are so out of my league it makes me want to be single and hide under a rock. But this time I’m not hiding or whimpering like an idiotic media crazed woman, I’m going to live a single happy life and hopefully die a respectful spinster.

Now to embrace the single life… but after a relationship and with the knowledge of no sex, how do I do it?

Sorry folks for not being around, but I’m dealing with the rearrangement of my life so bare with me. I’m uploading videos still, when I can with the lack of internet access.

Links:

Census 2011: the typical family is not what it used to be (2011)

One-parent families on the rise (2007)

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Author: Sy Calaelen

Sy Calaelen is a British writer, blogger and Youtube vlogger, though she isn't filming at the moment. English literature graduate and future social work graduate. Both sites will focus on literary reviews, book lists, comic books and nerd chat, writing and novel tips, and discussions in magick, paganism and the occult. A mixture of everything from her. Reach out on social media from Twitter, Tumblr, YouTube, Instagram, GoodReads, and Pinterest.

8 thoughts on “Why Do Matters of the Heart Suck?

  1. I am the same I was in a relationship 2 years ago and I call it my last ever relationship because after it I decided I would never get into one again there pointless and overrated.I thought the relationship was going great we where both madly in love and she was my best friend and I could tell her anything and not be judged sex was not important to us as we where both virgins and I still am and probably always will and it does not bother me one bit but I found out she was dating another guy at the same time as me and I was devastated I had completely changed everything about myself to meet her needs and wants I also noticed that when I get into relationships people try to take control of my life and I like my freedom and independence too much so we clashed a lot when she would make decisions for me and any other ex of mine.I also don’t see the whole getting married and having kids as ever happening to me.Don’t get me wrong I want kids but I have decided I will adopt and raise them by myself plenty of people do it But I wonder will it be harder for me as a single male to adopt kids even do I can give them the good home and all the love they need and deserve.I do day dream about people I meet and wonder what it would be like and I do get lonely and maybe cry but then I pick myself up dust myself off and get on with it I ma 95% of the time Happy with the choice I have made with my life.My life has had too many pains in it so I think a life where I can decided what is worth suffering for and what isn’t is perfect for me.

  2. My gosh I feel you on this one. I broke up with my fella a month ago, and he was my first serious relationship. I really don’t think I’ll find another guy thats got anything in common with me. I would love to find a sensitive, vegetarian geek, but I’m never attracted to that type. I’m really stupid because I always fall for the bad boys. I am slowely adjusting to the single life. And what are you talking about that some guys are too good for you?. Who could be too good for such a beautiful, sweet, interesting, intelligent girl like you?. You really don’t rate yourself enough. And you won’t be a spinster thats for you. That’s gonna be me, the chick with four cat’s, three fish, and two spoilt Guinea Pigs. Heres to the single life!. And I wish I had been celibate, I gave it away to an asshole (actually two) and will always regret it.

    • I feel you too girl. The guys I would like are wayyyy too intelligent for me or I turn them gay. Can’t win either way =[

      As for the geekiness, that is so me; I love it and I’m not changing, you shouldn’t either. It’s a new step for me and I hope to get there soon.

  3. hay hun. im sorry love has been so cruel to you i know the plite. my ex was the most toxic thing i could have let enter my life. but from it i lurned how to be strong; to listen to the gods , my gut and i got my son. despite how bad a relationship, thay are the best teachers. remember sy every relationship is a failure untill one does not. and honey you cant turn a guy gay,, they already where

    being single is the best time to look into yourself and find yourself.take this time to learn to love yourself and be happy with your life no relationship will fill that gap. also what i did wen i was single was right a list of everything you want in a partner and a relationship. wen you have this list have a good hard look at it and see what is unrealistic. it may be your looking for a unicorn in a field of sheep

    love yah
    and hang in there
    zellenswitchy

  4. Sorry you’ve had a bad time with relationships. *hugs* I don’t have any advice or the like cause I suck with relationships as well, but I do have a song you might enjoy. It’s a happy dancy song. :3 Hope it at least helps you feel better, even if just a little!

    Sarina Paris – The Single Life

  5. I think our society puts too much emphasis on relationships anyway. Seems like every tv show and movie tells us we have to get into a relationship or we’re not “complete”. Being single is great~ you get loads of time to yourself and you don’t have to worry about any one but you. It’s also important to love yourself first before you love someone else.

    I do admit tho, I have a boyfriend who I am very much in love with and we’ve been together for almost 5 years. I do want to live with him and get married someday. We’re kind of an odd couple though I guess. I’m a leo, he’s a taurus and we have hardly anything incommon except an interest in horror movies. But we never really fight.
    Anyway, Just work on yourself for now! There’s a dutch phrase that says there’s someone out there for everyone, and I think it’s true.
    Also you can’t turn someone gay, they’re born that way xP

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