Relationships [I have decided] are too hard and they are unnecessary at this moment in time, or maybe ever. I’ve had a really bad time with guys and to be honest I’m growing cold of the whole nonsense idea of getting married and having kids. In this day and age there are more lone-parent families in the UK now than there was 10 years ago. I refuse to have any children with a person who can’t be bothered to try at a relationship, and weirdly I agree –in a small way – with the lifestyle of heterosexual people, adding a ‘no strings’ sticker to every person they meet.
Like every little girl I had the dreams of growing up and marrying a prince, but alas when we do grow up we find our princes are just fakes and their princesses are false in more ways than two. I don’t know how we evolved into narrow minded people, or whether that’s just how people are, but when I ended my first ever relationship a few weeks back I realised I’m too into my own head to care much about someone else’s theories and thoughts. I thought I had been really mean, and did something really low and he confirmed it in emails to me. As the days rolled on I soon woke up and saw that it wasn’t me who had the problem and the battle started.
I crush a lot, and sadly that means being a silly girl who fantasies about a relationship, as Caitlin Moran put it in her book, “…it’s a test run to see if the relationship will work out or not.” I’ve ‘seen’ a few guys within the last year or so, one guy was a lecturer with a prestigious job, but I wasn’t smart enough for him. Another was a sexy vegetarian with a body to die for, a beautiful dog, great job but he was a sleaze [you know the kind, “I’m too good looking to keep my body for you.”]. Another was perfect in every single way, funny, smart, academic and seriously down to earth – everything I’d love but in a way I knew he was too good for me too. Another I fell in love with, and I still love him deep down, but he’ll never know – too much of a history to go digging up for no reason, so I’ll pretend like everything is totally normal. My ex, my first ever boyfriend who bought me chocolates all the way from Belgium but we were two different people, our personalities clashed big time. Oh and I have a tendency to turn guys gay, I don’t know how I do it, but I do.
The funniest thing is… I’m celibate so I can’t even blame it on the sex. I just suck at relationships. I either meet total sleaze bags, guys with off the scale personalities [the scale in my mind] or men who are so out of my league it makes me want to be single and hide under a rock. But this time I’m not hiding or whimpering like an idiotic media crazed woman, I’m going to live a single happy life and hopefully die a respectful spinster.
Now to embrace the single life… but after a relationship and with the knowledge of no sex, how do I do it?
Sorry folks for not being around, but I’m dealing with the rearrangement of my life so bare with me. I’m uploading videos still, when I can with the lack of internet access.