I Feel Awful…


This is just a quick post, as I’m also uploading a new video on Youtube.

The 108 Day of Mantra/Meditation will happen sooner than planned as I feel I need to disappear quite soon. Over the past 2 years of interacting with all kinds of people I feel the closeness and belonging I wanted has never truly touched me. Now, I see myself staying away from those wants as holding on will consume me, and eventually make me feel worse. I will keep in contact with folks via Facebook if they want to, and I’ll do 1 weekly vlog, again about me and the 108 Days.

Being a spiritual minded nerd is hard. Especially when social skills are awful, and if you’re used to habit like me. My habit is getting too close to loneliness. In a way I feel I let myself down when doing videos as I know I haven’t got all the things I wanted to say on them out properly, and the thought of doing a second video would be pointless, I’ll have difficulty then too. I’m glad with the little circle of friends I have who I can happily share opinions with, so I think I’ll stick to them for a while.

All I want to say… Thank you for giving me inspiration. The Muses have truly been with me.

3 more videos then I’m going to go (I think).

Blessed Be.


Author: Sy Calaelen

Sy Calaelen is a British writer, blogger and Youtube vlogger, though she isn't filming at the moment. English literature graduate. Both sites will focus on literary reviews, book lists, comic books and nerd chat, writing and novel tips, and discussions in magick, paganism and the occult. A mixture of everything from her. Reach out on social media from Twitter, Tumblr, YouTube, Instagram, GoodReads, and Pinterest.

2 thoughts on “I Feel Awful…

  1. It was Buddha who said “in silence you shall hear”,…. I can understand that all this interaction has taught you a lot on different levels, but also took a lot from you. Both are good, it’s all good, …. I can imagine that now it’s time for you to be a bit more on your own so you have time and space to filter all those lessons, knowledge and experiences you had, good ones and less good ones. Take from all of it what you feel good with, so that you can redefine yourself as a bigger, better, stronger, more powerful person then you ever were before. I admire you for your strength, your inner wisdom on which you’ve always relied, it has made you who you are today! a decent, nice, sweet, intelligent and talented woman, on top of that you’re very attractive and charming. I’ve seen thousands and thousands of people in the 30y I’m on this floating rock in space, and I have NEVER met such a strong and inspiring young woman like you. You are very unique, I am very proud on you, grateful and honored to have you in my life. Whatever you do, do it because you feel good with it, it’s your right, you deserve it!! I’m always here for you darling 😉

    Sweet love and kisses
    your man

  2. Dear Sylva.
    As a spiritual friend I can only fully agree with the words of your bf Johan. I cannot express it beter in words. That is also my difficulty. This is all about feelings.
    So I humble repeat his words: “I am very proud on you, grateful and honored to have you in my life”. … you can ALWAYS count on me !!!!!
    Your friend & bro

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