Sy Calaelen

“I’m Not Good Enough”

3 Comments


I’ll do a video on this soon, from a Wiccan/Pagan or Spiritual point of view. It’s something that comes up often in my emails from people who don’t believe in themselves. People write to me asking for advice on how to be spiritual, or more magickal even though they don’t cast spells often, or because they get to a point in life where their books go unread for a while. They feel at a loss, and they worry that the Gods and Goddesses will stop loving them. It saddens me to know, that the predominant deity who lives in the sky was created out of fear, thus meaning ‘You must be good, or else you’ll burn in hell!’

When I look at scriptures from the old papyri texts, or the sutras from both Buddhism and Yoga I don’t see the deities as beings who’ll just love you one moment and hate you the next. They can’t and won’t ever do that. It’s like what I said in ‘My Connection to Deity’ or the other one… how the Gods will never leave you, and that they’ve been with you before you were born, before your mother was born. If the Gods could ‘just stop’, then we as a human race would to. We would have the mindset that we’d ‘use’ the Gods for anything we wanted, and the Gods would have no reason to do as we say as they are higher and mightier than us; it would become a viscous circle.

Let’s take it back one step… I can see myself getting really deep into this, but I’ll save it for the vlog. The Gods will never leave you, but they will feel you when your happy and when your not. They know when you feel like a failure and when you feel wonderful. The weird thing is, at times like this do any of you stop and ask what the Gods may feel about you? Do any of you stop and wonder what others may think? I don’t mean, compare yourself to other people, or live by what others say, I’m talking about the other end of the stick that no one seems to acknowledge; Do you know what you look or feel like?

If you strip your world down, layer by layer to the very centre point, the part that you and many other people seem to be afraid of, the rawness of just you, you’ll be surprised at how emotional and full you are. Its a bad thing to stop and look at yourself after or during an argument. Don’t hate what you see, what you see is you. You need to acknowledge this part of your, rather than erradicate it. Strip everything down to its natural core and sit still. Know who you are and accept what’s there. Accept everything! The good, the bad, the rolls, the broken nail, the bad temper, the consistant laughing, everything! Don’t dismiss them, it’s you.

Meditation is probably the best key at working through your personal issues, or rather becoming friends with them. The more you push the ‘bad’ parts of you away, the more they stay. They are the yin with your yang. The two energies need each other to work. My favourite phrase is ‘You can’t feel joy without pain’. Learn to be gentle with yourself, be kind to yourself and believe me, you’ll become more aware. It’s an automanttic thing to scream at yourself or use the palm of your hand to hit your head when you screw up a line during a ritual, or a play on stage. You must learn to be gentle. Don’t be harsh, when you get something wrong, stop, breath out and say, ‘Ah well, nevermind’ – Remember your tone of voice too, that’s very important! Be gentle.

If you feel like your not magickal enough, or good enough write it down perhaps in a journal or on a calender. Know that you are in fact a wonderful person, with all the flaws, as that’s what makes you unique. The Gods love you regardless, but they need you to love

you more. The more you accept who you are, the more potent to subtle energies you become. The more aware you are, and the more accepting you become to haveing a ‘bad day’ instead of forcing yourself to cast spells when you just don’t feel like it.

There are times, thanks to my calender and journal writing, that I notice I’m more magickal at certain times of the year. It’s a natural human thing to love sneakers at one moment of the year and suddenly change your obbsession to Josh Hartnet the next. It’s normal. You are a great person, and it’s about time you introduce yourself to you.

This video is only a snippet of a full lecture from the wonderful Pema Chodron (in fact, for this entry please read Wisdom of No Escape and Start Where You Are). Be friends with yourself first, and the world will open it’s doors.

They love you, just in case you didn’t know =]

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Author: Sy Calaelen

Sy Calaelen is a British writer, blogger and Youtube vlogger, though she isn't filming at the moment. English literature graduate and future social work graduate. Both sites will focus on literary reviews, book lists, comic books and nerd chat, writing and novel tips, and discussions in magick, paganism and the occult. A mixture of everything from her. Reach out on social media from Twitter, Tumblr, YouTube, Instagram, GoodReads, and Pinterest.

3 thoughts on ““I’m Not Good Enough”

  1. Pingback: This Magick is a Lonely Thing « Sy Calaelen's Blog

  2. Your blog is really inspiring. I’ve been on a sabbatical from magick and divinity for the last year after going through a bad emotional period. Not even a real Sabbat celebration. I lost my confidence for a while.

    Reading your old posts have got me thinking and wanting to reconnect with my love of eclectic Wicca.

    So… thank you. Really thank you. 🙂 I think I might even start a magick blog of my own.

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