An old post from Apr 2009
An old story I wrote…
Nicole rolled over, her eyes puffy from the crying session last night. Her room was dark and eerie, just the way she liked it; dark and spooky with an essence of keeping cosy. She switched on the table lamp and grabbed her iPod. She turned it on by switching off the hold button at the top. She smiled contently to herself remembering the coolest new album from the Kings of Lion was still there.
‘Mmm, nice.’ She said with a tired voice.
The house was empty, Brody had already gone. Only one night she spent with him and he behaved the way he always did. The world had to revolve around him, she didn’t mind though as she believed there wasn’t anything interesting about her. She felt the sudden urge to write about last night’s break down and all the annoying events that lead to it. Nicole immediately went on a journey around her room to find the diary and a pen that actually worked, unlike all the others she had bought previously.
When she found it she sat down and opened the diary to a clean and new page. The two perfect pages looked so innocent but had a demeaning sort of element to them, urging her to write out her pain on them. They whispered to her to recollect every memory that made her the angry girl she was. She looked down and pen pulled her hand to the page, she couldn’t control the overflow of thoughts and began scribbling.
The words and memories flowed out onto the two pages. She had her own little battles written inside this book that she kept secret. They were hers to keep and her to get rid of. Nobody knew what went on inside her head and she didn’t mind much. She closed the diary when she was done and sat back feeling better and less angry and upset. She knew that the pain she felt would last a lifetime unless she told her boyfriend to change his ways. They would change if she told her friends and family to change the way they treat her. She smiled and stood up and walked to her windowsill and sat down.
The trees were frozen and there was fresh snow on the ground. Lights were on from her neighbour’s houses as they got ready for a new working day. She looked down at the drive way and saw the nasty tread marks from the heavy car that belonged to her boyfriend. They made horrible brown streaks in the snow that made nature seem so fake next to manmade killing machines. Over the quiet sound of her iPod she heard a scream coming from under the bed. She ran over and answered it. It was her long time friend Eric who was calling.
‘Hey, listen what are you doing today? Are you working? He asked.
‘No, I got a whole week-‘ she started.
‘Great! Come with me Christmas shopping!’ he demanded.
Nicole didn’t even have a chance to say yes or no before he abruptly continued.
He went on to talk about his week and his battle with his ex girlfriend who kept coming over and how it was driving him mad. He then without a breath started talking about how nice the sex was last week that he shared with Nicole and how he wanted them to be together. She smiled at this, not minding much that he spent 20 minutes talking about himself. Then like magic the phone went silent, he asked her a question, giving her a chance to speak.
‘How are you anyway? What’s been happening since last week?’
‘Well,’ she stopped thinking about all the crazy stuff she did since last Wednesday. She went out for the first time in a while to a nice restaurant with the girls; she went to the cinema to see the latest film with her closest friends the day after. And Saturday night she went out with the cinema group again to the new club on the high street. Yesterday however was a bad day and she spent most of it being shouted at by her soon to be ex lover. But something stopped her from telling Eric any of this so she lied knowing he would care very much. She looked out of the window and continued the non interesting conversation at hold, ‘Nothing much has happened, it’s not-‘ she tried to finish before he cut in again.
‘Oh sad, well I’ll come around 12ish and we can go to Milton Keynes or something.’
Nicole felt inadequate again but she faked her happiness and excitement and said, ‘Cool.’
The phone line went dead and she put her phone down. She looked about the room for inspiration as to what to wear. She saw her diary sitting on the table. She walked over to it and flicked around until she got to today’s entry. She read the last line before the end and sat down feeling sad once again, preparing to wear today’s façade.
“Why don’t I make my world come out? Why do I always listen and never speak for myself? Why doesn’t someone ask me questions and sit and listen to my hectic life?’ all I want to know really, is why nobody wants to listen to me for a change? Reason why? My life is not interesting at all…”