This is a personal message of moments in my life that have affected my mind and outlook on life in quite positively but also in a negative way. I understand fully, to understand and to wish good will means you as a person have to have enough negativity thrown at you to see both sides of the spectrum. This is a complicated life we live but there isn’t much you can do about it, besides smile and stay positive.
I’ve had my share of bad luck in my life and so far it is continuing. I am grateful for most of the bad things that have happened to me as I see them as a strange learning curve. Without them I wouldn’t be able to see the good things that have happened. For many years of my life I’ve been relatively alone, only having three friends who all went to different schools from the age of 13 and up. I was a major target for bullying of all sorts, but like most bully victims, I had to try and look for a positive way out. Writing, singing or just hanging by yourself meant you could do almost anything if you put your mind to it. For me, when I had a bad day, I would feel so upset and confused, I’d hate myself and the world, but the thing that made me feel positive was being able to release some of my anger through drawing and writing.
Luckily a few months before I started upper school, I found my chosen Pagan path. I chose Wicca, or Wicca chose me. Wicca was just what I needed to get my life a little better. I dedicated lots of time to reading and learning Wicca from books and going to classes on Paganism in my old hometown. One of the teachers was a lovely man called John. He grew up with culturally diverse parents who loved to travel. His mother was a Wiccan and his dad was Buddhist. He grew up being told that he could choose any path he wanted but one thing kept him strong, and he didn’t realise it until he was older. ‘You can never feel love without hate.’ That saying stuck with me for years. I never really understand it at all until one horrid night a few years back.
Anyway, not to off the point, I have found it strangely easy to make friends. I spent the last 5/6 years having many acquaintances and friends and I’m happy to of had them, but I have felt more and more confident around people than I used to. The friendships I did have usually ended quite badly but from it made new friends. Coming from a life of bullying, victimisation and racism, weirdly I feel good that I’ve that share, because next time I fall into another trap like that, I know that I have to deal with as the Universe will throw something good at me in the future.
I never did things that most teen girls did when I was young. They all had boyfriends’ and girlfriends and I was single. That was something that bugged me for years. I watched my friends change partners all the time. I became one of those people who cried and complained that they weren’t being treated fairly by ‘fate’ and left to be single and alone. When I stopped the crying and complaining I finally put my mind in the right frame and just got on with life. A few months later (last Aug) I got a funny email on my MySpace from a photographer. Little did I know that he would become my first serious boyfriend. From that little problem of loneliness, the Universe replied to my prayers of finding not only friends but a companion and they came true. I lived through a little darkness and found the light, woop! It’s almost Karma.