Nothing is what it seems. It seems I am living a double life. At school/college I’m known as the crazy black chic who is loud and bubbly. Only problem I have been lying to myself because society will see my acts of confrontation as wrong. The life I lead outside of this so called bubble is dark and depressing. No one knows the real me and sometimes I scare myself when I do things I promised I would never do.
There are so many imperfections about my physicality that are misinterpreted. I am teased racially because I don’t ‘belong’ in a particular ethnic group. I get the piss ripped out of me by my ‘friends’, I don’t tell them which is stupid. I only do the wrong things to fit the criteria they want me to fit. I believe what they say and it controls my life. Guys don’t want me they want a girl like my ex best buddy, she’s perfect as far as I know. She is slim, guys just love her. I tried to copy her by not eating much in a day, I worked out like crazy to get a toned tummy like hers. I’m still ugly as far I am concerned. I don’t know what to do.