Sy Calaelen

21/08/07 – An Idea About Them – Guys/Girls and the four letter word (Not fuck…)

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Love. Yeah what would I know, I mean I’m 19 years old and I think guys are allergic to me. The only guy truly interested in who I am, what I am and the fact that our friendship is extremely important is my 31 year old best friend and sex buddy. He understands me as a person literally inside and out. I have either failed in the art of attracting and keeping the heat going when meeting a guy. I get nervous and I blame myself if things don’t turn out the way I expect them to be. This sort of self-blame and paranoia sends me crazy but soon after gathering my sense’s I realise he was just as nervous as I was, he just jumped on my train to self-destruction and low self esteem. I’m an idiot. Only my experienced man friend knows how the world moves and what makes me tick (although we don’t need to get into that right now – actually at all – never mind…).

I know if I mention to anyone that I have a man friend they’ll go ballistic, just to point out I won’t or I don’t want to tell them that me and my man friend love more than each other’s company, the world will end 10 or more times. I care about him more than needed. He made it clear at the beginning of our friendship we couldn’t get tied up – the whole ‘no strings’ saga. I didn’t realise how hard it would be trying really hard not to tell him the truth about how I feel about him.

Yes, guys find me absolutely revolting but he is the only one to tell me and show me truly how much he cares for me. Guys don’t love me but I know love has me in her arms. As for Stu he proved to just like all the others; a jerk off. I’ll stay on the love train waiting for my stop. I just have to be careful when choosing a guy. Who knows maybe my man friend might ask me to be his some time in the future…

Hey! There’s nothing wrong with dreaming though…

BB

Sy xx

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Author: Sy Calaelen

Sy Calaelen is a British writer, blogger and Youtube vlogger, though she isn't filming at the moment. English literature graduate and future social work graduate. Both sites will focus on literary reviews, book lists, comic books and nerd chat, writing and novel tips, and discussions in magick, paganism and the occult. A mixture of everything from her. Reach out on social media from Twitter, Tumblr, YouTube, Instagram, GoodReads, and Pinterest.

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