The Slight Anger of Magickal Study

I would say I’m mostly positive about life and my spiritual ventures. I always have the importance of staying connected/keeping on track about everything I do. For me, and that of the life of the Egyptian Pharaoh, each day is a ritual. Everything I do must have an outcome that starts with me and ends with the continuous flow of emitting energies back into the great beyond. I know that sounds daft, but again, think of the Hermetic axiom “As above, so below; so below, as above.”

I have educated myself for years. I’ve seen things, heard things and even experienced amazing moments of understanding and clarity. These experiences have become a normal part of my life, so much so they became very private. I was in my own world, and I let my spiritual lessons take me where they needed me to go. I didn’t realise then that I was living out my life as a Star; being the centre of my own universe. I didn’t realise until recently that the times when I had failed at something I was beating myself up when I should have just got back up and started again sooner rather than later. Anything I did, was for me and me alone. I didn’t have any formal teachers, nor did I allow myself to describe minute details to people I had met over the years because I felt I just didn’t need to. It was around the long and dismal days, when I was trying to flush out Wicca from my system in order to have a long hard fresh look at myself that a deep seated anger began to grow. I became angry toward the practices I had learnt. I didn’t understand the methodology behind certain expectations and rituals, and even spells. I used to look at other people and wonder why they were having “out of this world” experiences, and then back at myself and wonder why I had such a theoretical brain. Why did some people see fairies and I couldn’t? Yet, even if I had worked out a way in which such visions could come to me, to what purpose would this help me find my way back to Adonai? Early on I developed the notion that each person has their own purpose in life – unfortunately some people have a need and desire to question and study everything thoroughly first, and that is also where my issue lies.

Without going into details as to why I cannot stand what Wicca has become, and how some of the people I have seen promoting it are fully aware what they are doing isn’t going to help someone become enlightened. I just get annoyed at myself for worrying during the days when I was one of tiny few who didn’t do very much magick because I felt I didn’t need to. In other words, I used to worry and fret that I wasn’t a good enough wiccan, pagan or witch because I didn’t see the logic in using magick for every little piece of misfortune that befell me – especially If I could sort it by myself without too much effort. When the occult finally opened its doors to me, I began to learn a lot about the universe, about the inner meanderings of the mind and the complexities of philosophy. My eyes were opened even wider, if those are the correct words to describe this feeling of aging. Why hadn’t I found this profound wisdom within the depths of Wicca, and a few other religions I tried my hand at. Why wasn’t there a stable maxim of its own creation? Thelema has the fundamental essays and books one should study hard, and never put down until death. I used to wish I could help folks see the world in a different light, make them open their eyes and smile at what they saw. These days I know I can’t, and I most probably won’t be able to as following something blindly without doing your own in-depth research is popular, and too normal for any development and change. Its sad, but that’s life. I’m just going through this phase in order to move forward. The anger has grown inside, but thankfully it is tame.

I have spent a great majority of my time studying and devouring all kinds of knowledge and truths. After practicing and testing out various methods for myself, it was normal for me to keep the lessons that stayed true in my heart and mind. I would put the lessons I didn’t need on the back burner, assuming I may need them in the future; these days I definitely don’t. It’s all part of growing up and evolving. So why then, is it that people who study as hard as I do wind up feeling angry about the long trip we had to take? Looking back I realise I had to go through all of that success and equal headache in order to get to where I am, and I understand that ten years from now I’ll probably curse 2013; who knows? I am still very used to studying hard, on my own. The few times I have asked for help I’m either totally ignored, or it is implied I shouldn’t ask anything. These day’s I freeze up when I come across something that baffles me, but its fine, I spent the first twelve years of my life finding the answers myself, so what’s another twelve? I’m I am proud once I find the answer, that’s for sure.

All I can say at this point is how tough stripping my old life will be. Brace yourselves – my new found confidence means I am not going to be reserved with my honesty. Things are changing, for the better.


Angelic and Planetary Hours [Png]

You should be able to click and save each of the images below. I will go through a quick run down soon explaining them in a little more detail. For now, enjoy my badly edited video here.





They are handy for your Book of Conjurations, Book of Shadows or almanacs.

Sy, x


Finally Coming My Way

Yesterday I went to an interview at my first choice university application, and it went well!

I went to bed the night before, with my bags backed, feeling nervous and checking the battery life of all of the technology I was taking. I double and triple checked forms, letters and maps. Made sure the money I needed was in the right purse (I am a bit of a fashion fan, as I am sure you are aware due to TheHarlequinDays). I had to calm myself down, so I sat and meditated by my altar holding my uncut Thoth tarot, and promising I would pull a card the day after my interview. I don’t know why I didn’t just pull cards then, but I guess my nerves got the better of me. I had been to another interview the Saturday gone, and I felt fine. This choice is my first choice, so you can imagine the freak out.

Yesterday was amazing though, and the interview was a great test of my character and mind. We were given small exercises to do concerning the analysis of several poems and understanding Cant. At the end of the interview I was informed it would be a few days before I would hear anything back, and with that I left. We left Leicester city around half 3, arriving back home within the hour, and my phone was going crazy. I finally switched the kettle on, and leant on the counter to read all the incoming emails, two of which were from UCAS and the main university of choice. I started to get excited again and I clicked each message, and to my surprise I was informed that they loved my interview and were giving me an official offer for a place on the course. I hit the roof! I laughed to myself and couldn’t resist posting my delight to Facebook and Twitter. I called my mum and she was happy too, screaming, “WHAT!” down the line. I should try to remember not to have the phone on loud speaker when calling her…

This morning I woke up at my usual time to do ritual and have a big bowl of Crunchy Nut. I remembered that I needed to cut a card to focus on for the coming months leading up to this summer, and funny enough I pulled the Hanged Man card. Instead of reading the card the way I was trained, I sought the Thoth Tarot Book to see what Crowley would suggest. To be honest, this book is new and I’m still getting to grips with it, but I’ve been reading cards since I was a pre-teen so my definitions’ are similar, but not so deep in occult wisdom or Qabalah. So, assuming you all know the Hanged Man, here is a small part of that definition:

“This card, attributed to the letter Mem, represents the element of Water. It would perhaps be better to say that it represents the spiritual function of water in the economy of initiation; it is a baptism which is also a death. In the Aeon of Osiris, this card represented the supreme formula of adeptship; for the figure of the drowned or hanged man has its own special meaning. The legs are crossed so that the right leg forms a right angle with the left leg, and the arms are stretched out at an angle of 60° so as to form an equilateral triangle; this gives the symbol of the Triangle surmounted by the Cross, which represents the descent of the light into the darkness in order to re deem it. For this reason there are green disks-green, the colour of Venus, signifies Grace-at the terminations of the limbs and of the head. The air above the surface of the water is also green, infiltrated by rays of the white light of Kether. The whole figure is suspended from the Ankh, another way of figuring the formula of the Rose and Cross, while around the left foot is the Serpent, creator and destroyer, who operates all change.” – Book of Thoth Tarot, Crowley

The moment I read the first few lines I just thought, “What is my HGA up to? Why is life suddenly working out for me? Yay!” That made me smile. I know now, this will be the ultimate test to stay focused, grounded and not to spend my time worrying. Phase one of my life is most definitely coming to ahead. Finally.


Other than that, I have finally found somewhere to live and i can save money between now and September. For the awesome Thelemites’ and OTO members who have been helping me out with my spiritual studying, Thank you! I’m being introduced a wide spectrum of the occult world and its all flooding through my gates quite happily. I’ve been asked to study both OTO and AA student books, and so far they have been mind blowing. Eventually I shall sort my spiritual life out, or at least make it official and I shall have started Phase One for sure.

Thanks for the support folks. These last few weeks/months have been okay, but not great. Knowing me, I don’t like opening up about my feelings too much, and now realising that people I thought were friends don’t and will not approach me about anything anymore. I have realised I’m not everyone’s cup of tea (trust me, it has been 5 years already), and seeing as it has taken me this long to understand I’ll never be part of the ‘in-crowd’, I have decided I won’t be. I’m going to be myself, be smart and be brave, regardless.

Those of you asking when I’ll return to Youtube, I shan’t for a while, but hopefully a month or two once my head and heart are sorted. When I do come back I would like things to change for the better, as I’ll be happier sitting outside the circle and I won’t have to fear trolls or old friends letting me down. I’ll be there for me, and any future friends. My videos seem to stop a lot of people from conversing with me, and that is a shame as I put my heart and soul into reaching out, and for memories sake (my mind right now is proving that I’m getting older). Like people have told me, “Screw it Sy, do it for you. The right people will come along, form friendships with you and they’ll stay.”



Sy, x x

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Loneliness Keeps Me Magickal

The past few weeks have been quite titillating, as far as magickal workings and study go. A few weeks back I uploaded a video asking for various versions of circle castings, as I had printed a long list of them years ago but sadly misplaced it over time. Every so often, and usually around my dedication anniversary at the summer solstice or around Mabon/Samhain time I like to update and change aspects of my magickal practice. That could be a revamp on my thoughts to do with various philosophies or practices such as pranayama or kundalini. Other times I come across a ritual of some kind that needs further development because its effect has worn off slightly, like the sabbats/deity birthdays/Holy Day rituals. I like to keep a record on how often my spiritual life grows and grows each year.

I had some difficulty with the answers I received, a lot of the lovely folks out there either didn’t know what I asked (I am pretty bad at explanations), others didn’t answer at all and one lead me to one example channel that didn’t really rest well with me (I got strange vibes and had to close the page). So, like I have done since I uploaded my first vlog, I have given everyone the benefit of the doubt, asked a fairly simple question and got nothing much to use. I went back to square one and decided to have another flick through old books and notes, coupled with a few new books I purchased recently.

Luckily, members outside of the YouTube community have been helping me a lot. One Thelemite in particular (you know who you are) has been a huge help. It is becoming more and more apparent that my magickal life is lonely, but it has been more rewarding than ever. If I hadn’t stood on the outside for so long I guarantee I never would have found my way to the world I am in right now. I am also glad that I know the Gods are pointing me in the right direction.

I have mentioned my loneliness before, but it has only become something of a positive revelation. I don’t mind now. I don’t need to ask people advice as much, or ask for their help that much either. I have my books, a few wonderful friends and the Gods.

The question I had asked, like so many before, I answered by myself. There is nothing more fulfilling than knowing you worked hard for a lovely and sometimes unexpected outcome. I have been offline from the YouTube world for so long, and the shock I received from how business and fame minded the new pagan generation are was enough to keep me away. Yet again the hermit in me may come out and lead the way for a while.

Right now, I am sitting on the floor with a small altar set up for my night meditations and devotions. The spark my magick creates is warming and abundant, but most importantly, instead of feeling the sadness of not being able to open up about my practices like everyone else, I feel happy in the knowledge that I am unique.

As for the circle query, I have just what I need. I am sticking to the formulations’ of the Lesser Banishing Ritual of the Pentagram (LBRP), The Rosy Cross Ritual, my standard 3 Circle Sphere and the basic Circling Shield. All with their own different functions, but all wonderful for me.

Just thought I would share :)

Sy, x



Tools | Such a Petty Subject

This is a rant and a declaration to myself to stay strong, stay positive and be proud of myself. I will try to keep it short, and hopefully without too much swearing, but this issue just annoys me.

Last night I performed a ritual I had been planning for the most part of last month, and leading up to it I had been open to many things. Sadness, upset, bad news etc. I utilise these feelings by bottling them especially for times when I want to release them by turning them into something slightly calmer. That goes for the over excess of goodness that comes my way too. I like to be 50/50 as much as I can. There comes a point on my path where i stubble upon a block in the road; and this refers to people I encounter, whether they are good or bad. As a loner I have the advantage of sitting in the sidelines as people walk by, and I am able to watch and observe them. I don’t talk to people much, though I am trying, but thanks to be observations I am able to wade through a sea of people and stick with the individuals who really matter.

Genuine people are easily ignored, as one friend put it in an email, “Idiots are scared or intimidated by the genuine people, who seem to live a life of equilibrium and splendour without having to show the turmoil inside. These individuals, like you (referring to me) are always overlooked, judged and misunderstood. In time someone will stand up and praise you for showing them the way to their light. Don’t let these fools see that turmoil/drive, keep that passion for yourself. That’s enough to keep them guessing and it will drive them wild.”

That touched me, but I didn’t understand what it meant until today. (I had to dig it out of a folder I made on Yahoo, back in 2009! I am old…). The only reason I bring that up is for two queries really. One, what is the fuss about being a know it all with experience? I thought that was what people were looking for? And secondly, why is the majority drawn to people who preach utter crap?

I received an email this morning that kind of pissed me off. After working such a beautiful ritual, I finally went to sleep at 5am then awoke at 8am feeling refreshed and glad my ritual was over. Everything was fine until this horrible ‘idiot’-I called her/it an eejit in the 2nd or 3rd reply-who thought it was fair to bombard me with accusations of being a know it all and a fool for pumping the values of tools, symbols, altars etc. Firstly, let me just say to those of you who are new to the craft, the literal truth to using such correspondences are purely for magickal work, practice and most importantly to help you understand the spiritual truth. If you can’t separate literal values from the spiritual then please I beg you, practice and read a whole lot more. Eventually you will see, and eventually you will be an amazing practitioner as long as the OTB permits.

I was tempted to be a fool and film myself reading the conversations but I shan’t. I’ll copy up parts instead:

“There is no need for all that stuff. The occult stuff is old and no one uses it as its just words from dead men. What you are doing is just a waste of time… Get over it already.”

(She was referring to my occult series, yet another blow and now I feel to scrap them all)
My reply-“the occult and philosophies from centuries past are the base of the new age mountain you stand on. Without them you wouldn’t have very much to stand on now, would you?”

This is from the first email also:
“No one cares about those symbols. I saw your video on magic squares and thought how dumb. Why would anyone care.”

MR-“I think they are important. Not many people do care as they want a quick magick fix like you I presume? But there is a small group of people who do like that sort of theory and I am just one in hundreds who happens to break it down or open up a new area of intrigue for them.”

From the second reply:
“Oh so that’s why you talk about occult? Because you have experience? No one has experience these days. All that pretend magic from those people in robes are total fakes. What do you have to say about that?”

-“I have no idea what you are referring to. As far as my experience goes, I am not here to prove anything to anyone. Harry Potter perhaps? Yeah, that’s fictional.”
(That was all I wrote actually…)

Third, and last email:
“How long have you been ‘reading’? Clearly you are too stupid to realise magic is within. Not in the tools or those squares. Seriously get some proper education… BTW you are boring as hell, no wonder people don’t care about what you have to say.”

MR-“I know magick is within, but how else are you supposed to feel it if you don’t practice with tools, herbs and Kameas? Maybe not Kameas as you are too stupid for any angel/demon to come close enough to mock you. You are a fool for thinking I am just a ‘know it all’ young woman. I have been a practitioner for 13 years. I hate when people think its okay to bang on about why they should or shouldn’t use tools. Its such a petty topic. It doesn’t matter where or what the tool is, you’ll need it someday.”

The only thing I can think of are the beautiful Golden Dawn videos and layouts on various blogs and websites, as one main example. Yes they wear robes, yes they carve symbols in the air, but do you actually know what any of that means really? For a while I thought that stuff was theatrical, but as my studies grew and my practices flourished I found the reason to do them. It was honour and respect to the forces we often call on for magickal assistance, and mostly for a physical bonding with the divinity/universe surrounding us. How can someone state that the OTB is all around, and within when we restrict its natural flow to save face? Ever wonder why your magick isn’t as potent as others?

The Hermetic Principle of Correspondence is a great place to understand why you are taught about these in the first place. Here is my link to that.

The next time you feel the need to make a video or write to me or someone else complaining about their practices, watch/read all of their stuff first, get to know them (that way you have the right to an opinion) and make sure you have a leg to stand on. Better still ignore them or, go fuck a dog before you open your mouth to and about me and my practices. If people want the bullshit that is out there, then that’s fine. That is up to them. But I support, encourage and honour all the genuine folks, like myself, who don’t give a shit. We have the Gods on our side.



The Magick of Books (photo)

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Via AussieWitch90 and a bunch of other folks on FaceBook. This instruction is simple, clear and precise. Though I have to point out, not just wiccans do what is stated. Occultists, pagans of all kinds, magickal geeks and witches too. Share the love people!

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Hermeticism and Me | The Principle of Mentalism

THE ALL is MIND; The Universe is Mental.”–The Kybalion.

This Principle embodies the truth that “All is Mind.” It explains that THE ALL (which is the

Substantial Reality underlying all the outward manifestations and appearances which we

know under the terms of “The Material Universe”; the “Phenomena of Life”; “Matter”;

Energy”; and in short, all that is apparent to our material senses) is SPIRIT, which in itself is

UNKNOWABLE and UNDEFINABLE, but which may be considered and thought of as AN

UNIVERSAL, INFINITE, LIVING MIND. It also explains that all the phenomenal world or

universe is simply a Mental Creation of THE ALL, subject to the Laws of Created Things,

and that the universe, as a whole, and in its parts or units, has its existence in the Mind of

THE ALL, in which Mind we “live and move and have our being.”… An

understanding of this great Hermetic Principle of Mentalism enables the individual to readily

grasp the laws of the Mental Universe, and to apply the same to his well-being and

advancement… With the Master-Key in his possession, the

student may unlock the many doors of the mental and psychic temple of knowledge, and

enter the same freely and intelligently. This Principle explains the true nature of “Energy,”

“Power,” and “Matter,” and why and how all these are subordinate to the Mastery of Mind.

One of the old Hermetic Masters wrote, long ages ago: “He who grasps the truth of the

Mental Nature of the Universe is well advanced on The Path to Mastery.”

~ taken from The Kybalion by the Three Initiates


This explains it all to be honest. When I first read this I didn’t quite understand it. I had to pull apart the first half of the paragraph just to understand where the writers where coming from. From a philosophical point of view, which is the best way to examine a text such as this first hand, the idea they have set fourth is actually very simple. They mention the phrase ‘THE ALL’ which is used in reference to the substantial reality in the Universe. Think of it like this, when witches, magicians or New Age folks say there is a flow of energy in everything that is living, moving, still etc and that energy comes from ‘God’. At the same time, we ourselves are living physical proof that such energies are flowing in and out of us too. That is a great theory, and one I must question because of its misinformation of where that energy comes from, or how it got there in the first place. Scientists, psychologists etc are running their own tests, but as a witch myself I have a firm belief that the energetic bond I have came from THE ALL or the Universe, which simply put is bigger than our ideas of ‘God’. The reason I think this steams from two areas, one being the fact that there are lots of atheist magick practitioners out there who perform successful spells/rituals without the use of a deity’s name, or belief in one. Secondly, the very basic philosophical theory by Anselm which suggests our ‘ideas’ or ‘perceptions’ of God are worthless as God is That To Which Nothing Greater Can Be Conceived or shortened to TTWNGCBC. So, if you think about it THE ALL refers to a supreme being who is infinite, absolute, immutable and eternal. For those who are philosophy students, I am referring to the idea that God/THE ALL is beyond what Theologians would argue, which has been disproven too many times to count.

With the basic understanding that energy flows in, our, around, from and into us from the Universe, all we need to do now as Hermeticists or occult practitioners is understand our mind is our most powerful tool. Opening your mind and eventually your body, to the wonders of magick, thought and philosophy is the starting point for our magickal path. Once you are able to grasp how massive this Universe could be compared to your tiny living self, all you need to do is let THE ALL inspire and teach you. Get connected to that spiritual modem of sorts and see where it leads you. Everything you do, even in the mind when you are unfolding thoughts and magick, you are deepening the bond between your mind and THE ALL. Only you hold the key, and if you didn’t know that already then I’m telling you now.

Sorry to bring up this guy yet again, but Aleister Crowley was a big fan that an individual on a spiritual path should always go it fairly alone. Do what you need to, learn, have fun but have sense. I like the idea that his law being “Do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the law,” definitely comes into play with this first principle. How would you know what real magick feels like if you don’t leap out of the circle one day and just start a fresh? I remember going to the park over at Hampstead and just laying on the grass looking up at the sky. I wasn’t focusing on anything that I could see in particular, but I remember draining out the sounds of London, the dogs walking by and my friends who were nattering away to each other. I was listening to the wind, feeling the grass with my fingers and wondering what it would feel like to fly all the way to the edge of our atmosphere and float all the way back. For me, that is what magick feels like when it courses through my body, or at least what it feels like when I finally know my place in the world does matter and THE ALL got me there.

There’s no turning back for me =]

My video on ‘Do what thou wilt...’

Sy x

Emerald Tablet


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