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Dancing Beyond the Circle | My Pagan Past

My pagan past hasn’t been all bad, in fact it has been amazing. I have pushed myself to go beyond places I always heard were bad. Thelema and the occult being two examples. We are conditioned from a young age, to what is correct and what isn’t. If you analyse the impact the New Age has had on people, you will find a pool of mixed experiences, but a lot of those experiences seem to follow the trend of conforming, and to another degree “aesthetic purposes”. These days I look at myself and feel good just being myself. Being free, being open and being proud of how far I have pushed myself. Things that seemed hard to begin with are now second nature, and I’ve benefitted hugely. Hard work is one area I found easy, and it also played a big part in the decision of leaving my Wicca days behind.

I used to fight with myself, when conversing with other Wiccans or Pagan practitioners, about how they chose to study. They studied the same things I did, but they never had the same annoying thoughts. They never questioned how or why. They didn’t need to worry about any of that stuff. Neither did a few folks I knew understand the concept of becoming aware of your inner voice; that gut feeling. That voice would insist on particular subjects, when I browsed books shops. Other times, like now, I would be writing something about my day, or the ritual I had performed and the words would just flow from my mind, as if being put there by Muses. Why hadn’t anybody else ever come forward about these experiences too? I started to meet other folks who said they understood me, but unfortunately they hadn’t. On those grounds alone I would say it was the individuals that annoyed me, not the religion. These people gave the religion a bad name in my eyes. I just had to get used to the idea that the only solid friend I could trust with my personal education was that gut feeling aka the HGA. (Have I Known All Along?)

So I put in the hard work, whoop! Where was it all going to lead me? Was there an end sight? Actually, for the first time in my life I found that goal, and now I have a new one. On top of that, I know there is so much more for me to discover. Below are excerpts from Equinox Vol. 4 No. 1, which detail the importance of study. Now don’t get me wrong, not everyone likes the study, nor do they see the point in studying, but that is just down to their individual preferences. I love to study, and I love to share my experiences – like I said, I’m a hard worker, and I strive for the absolute best. I hope in some way that this text will give you a slightly different insight into your own magickal study, but if it doesn’t then at least you have the knowledge:

Essay on Occultism - Equinox Vol. 4 No. 1, pp. 1-4

Essay on Occultism – Equinox Vol. 4 No. 1, pp. 1-4

 

Essay on Occultism - Equinox Vol. 4 No. 1, pp. 1-4

Essay on Occultism – Equinox Vol. 4 No. 1, pp. 1-4

I must admit, I choices I made were based on ideals I hadn’t really thought about. As time went on, with my spirituality deepening, I found a sense of realism and understanding, in fact a whole lot more than what was available. Around the time I went back to practising general witchcraft, I noticed the bigger picture. It was as if I had seen a tiny rip in the fabric, just flapping in the wind, as if beckoning me to rip it apart. Let’s just say I ripped at it, and slowly the world it revealed was full of beauty, power and knowledge – a kind of Eden. Amongst the thorny bushes, there would be a cornucopia of rare flowers, and I knew I would have to work my way through the thorns with bare hands. I didn’t mind. I’m a hard worker, with a keen soul and devoted heart. This is what I feel is missing from underdeveloped practices like Wicca – there aren’t goals to work toward. From my own experiences, I was running around in circles, just spending my time bowing down for the sake of habit. Then there would be days when I read the exact same thing, just written by another person, and quite happily digested it without question. It was a case of the blind leading the blind.

I remember reading my old books and coming across passages dedicated to slamming the occult, and things beyond the circle. At the same time, I came across these attitudes on the internet. All kinds of people would slam the serious practitioners for thinking differently. These days I get the odd comment, or email from someone who has read my blog or watched one of videos who will try to put me down for following a system that is thousands of years old, but only made available in the last century by Crowley. People want a quick fix, so they find false teachers and follow them, only to realise after a lot of energy has gone, that they were duped. They eventually find their way back to the people they originally thought less of, or look at spiritual subjects with a new eye. Everyone must follow a path set for them, but how they choose to follow it is a choice only they can make.

When I joined the YouTube community, I had experiences with socialising I had never gone through. I won’t go into too much detail, as I have done a lot in the past! I had worked out what the trends were, and stayed well away. I looked up to people, who I considered to be normal humans like me, but with better understanding on certain subjects. I also found a lot of others, who unfortunately continue to gas, who did a lot of talking, and never shared their own experiences – considering half of the folks who vlogged after a well-known vlogger went on a huge break, were only there for subscriber numbers, and not quality. I saw the shallowness of these people and quickly decided to just keep doing my thing, regardless of how boring my videos were. I didn’t care about the quantity, I only cared about documenting my progress for my own memory. Even today, I haven’t vlogged in ages because I’m busy being a university student, and being a Thelema student. I hate the idea of ever becoming an armchair magician, which is why I don’t vlog or write unless I have successfully experimented, or experienced something. Sadly, people like me are ignored and often over-looked due to our raw love of magick. We don’t like quick fixes, we love to endure the hard work and ordeals, because we know exactly what we will gain – truth, balance and another step on the ladder of transcendence. Those are qualities you can only find outside the New Age phenomenon. Then again, that’s just my opinion.

The amount of people I have met who left Wicca and other New Age formations behind for something deeper, truer and purer is astonishing! They learnt what they needed to, and moved up a class. I’m doing that too; experimenting, and increasing my knowledge pool. I needed to go through those days, in order to find out what I do not want in my future. It was one ordeal after another, but they have been worth it. In some big way, I feel great knowing my hard work paid off, and my persistence to stay afloat meant I was able to find absolute balance. I’m more confident because of it, and I can look in the mirror and smile at myself. It’s great.

Mourning is over (for now).

LVX 93s


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Where There Shouldn’t Be Walls | My Pagan Past

“In the true religion there is no sect, therefore take heed that thou blaspheme not the name by which another knoweth his God; for if thou do this thing in Jupiter thou wilt blaspheme יהוה and in Osiris יהשוה. Ask and ye shall have! Seek, and ye shall find! Knock, and it shall be opened unto you!” – Verse 21, Liber Librae sub figura XXX

As I mentioned before, in my last post, I did not like the idea of white-washing other spiritual and cultural practices. When I was much younger, I didn’t mind reading about how to make other practices conform to the ideal that was set out. Bear in mind, this was at a time when Wicca or Neo-Wicca was mixed with an awful lot of theories and ideas, without much reference to the original roots – as if it was the inventor of such ideas. Writers’ would just write up their own experiences, which was fine, without letting the reader know where they learnt particular practices. You had to really dig to find authors who lead you to reputable sources like Cunningham, Valiente or Buckland. It still didn’t give me enough insight into how I would incorporate the other philosophical practices I was trying to study at the time.

Buddhism and yoga became the physical aspects of my practices, if you will. With Buddhism I didn’t need to buy a Westernised version of a mantra, or a Westernised Buddha statue in order to have him within the circle with me. The other aspect of Buddhism which did not fit, surrounded the notion that Buddha was a man, merely a teacher. He wasn’t a deity of any kind, so he wouldn’t be allowed to sit on the male side of the pillar, but he could sit somewhere at the side for aesthetic purposes. [Note: – Actually, now that I’m writing this, I’m honestly quite shocked – “aesthetic purposes”. Yes, as some nice people are aware, I am beating myself up, but I need to in order to feel purified. I ask myself, “to what end?” Why did I do this?] I was lucky in some way, knowing that I could listen to my gut feeling and research outside of the given texts. Why had I felt so keen on only celebrating the finer symbols in life? Why didn’t I just ignore the inner feelings of wanting to follow the trends? If they weren’t going to benefit my spiritual growth in any way, then I would just enjoy the knowledge and reap those benefits instead.

I delved deeper into unknown territory, but I felt safe in the knowledge that it was a place I was supposed to go. I had to learn about breathing techniques, yoga, effective circle casting, daily regimens, divination, history and the like outside of the Wiccan world. Wicca is a great place to start a life of study, but only if you have the intent of learning one form of magick without staying too long. If you want a lifelong process of soul working, and the ability to become enlightened then stick with witchcraft. Like I’ve said over and over, witchcraft is a practice, not a religion, so it become a big part of your personal life; you live it, it lives with you, and the benefit of just being a witch is knowing you don’t have restrictions. I felt, being different, I could love myself more by not conforming to one ideal. I had always been drawn to the Classical pantheons, and knowing their history, there wasn’t much if any discrimination on the grounds of your sexual orientation or colour. Back in those days, they didn’t pay much mind to it. I stuck with those paths and immediately felt a sense of relief, plus I could put all of my occult knowledge to good use and formulate a spiritual life of my own – which I later realised to be Thelema! Who knew?!

The purpose of living a spiritual life is to discover new things, but if one path seems to run out of road, what do you do? Do you go back and start all over again? Do you decide on setting up a homestead where the track has stopped? Or do you become a traveller, intent on finding other sources to bring back? For me, I was and still am a traveller, but I follow my heart’s desire with respect and awe, remembering to learn what I can and following the most important aspects. I won’t go out of my way to white-wash other religions because they don’t suit my own, I will respect them as they are and leave it there. If it doesn’t feel right, I listen to my gut. At the same time, as a blogger and vlogger I feel obliged to let young and impressionable people know what experiences I have gone through so they don’t end up chasing their own tails like I did.

An example of doing your thing comes from a friend of mine, who followed Wicca religiously like I did. He practises a form of Hellenism, but found in his early days he often had to view his deities the way Wiccan teachers and books had taught him. He felt his deities were being supressed in some way, being limited to particular functions within the practice and theoretical circle. He didn’t like the idea of limiting Aphrodite to the label of “Goddess of love”, as she had shown him things beyond that. Nor did he fully understand the logic behind mixing pantheons based on those limitations and stereotypes. Being Greek himself, he found Wicca incompatible with his culture, history and practices so he gave up after three years. Maybe Wicca is just limited to mostly one cultural ideal?

I’ve spoken to a few Thelemites, but mostly Mr Vamp about how the word “Obeah” is mentioned in the Book of the Law, and he quickly showed me other sources. For those of you aren’t aware Obeah is a form of magick practice in the Caribbean, mostly Jamaica. Last time I checked, Crowley had never been to the Caribbean, nor did he know much about it, but his guide Aiwass knew all there was to know about magick and the New Aeon, while giving Crowley his vision – but the thing that really stood out was the fact that there is a great emphasis on the human condition, and the freedom of being an individual without judgement. I wasn’t about to force myself to keep my soul from singing, just to suit my old books and later the YouTube community, like it says in Liber AL vel Legis, verse 41 “The word of Sin is Restriction!” – Mr Vamp reminded me of Calypso from the Pirates of the Caribbean films, she is an Obeah woman.

Most of the areas of my path were centuries old, with thousands of years of knowledge and freedom. Old thoughts and ideas have been developed and practised since, with a few key figures making this seemingly secret knowledge more accessible in their time, and ours. A lot of this life changing knowledge unfortunately falls outside of Wicca, and it takes one in a hundred to brave it outside the circle – and realise they haven’t fallen into some treacherous pit of annihilation, but a world full of incomprehensible beauty. I have found areas within this path of mine to follow even most basic of common sense, and a rigid back bone. It doesn’t matter where you come from, or the Gods you choose to work with, there is always plenty of space, essays and love for them. Like Crowley said above, “Ask and ye shall have! Seek, and ye shall find! Knock, and it shall be opened unto you!” Crowley is a prime example of this technical ideal, as he and friends put together one of the ultimate’s in correspondence charts for magick, Liber 777. Whatever deity, herb, Thoth card or I Ching etc. that you want to use with your own personal magick, you will find other effective tools within it. Whatever it is you want to explore, be aware that magick is a science, you are supposed to theories and experiment, whilst deciding what is important for you as an individual. If it doesn’t make sense, don’t do it. If there is something you want to try and learn, without practising, then that’s totally down to you. Thankfully, I’m able to just pick where I left off as far as occult magick and study is concerned, as there is more than enough room within Thelema. Don’t take any less than what you are.

Would you tell her to keep the get up, but limit things to particular ideals? Or would you just let her be the free witch she is?

Calypso, from the Pirates of the Caribbean films. An Obeah woman.

Calypso, from the Pirates of the Caribbean films. An Obeah woman.

In LVX


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My Pagan Past | To What End?

The post I wrote titled ‘Mourning My Pagan Past is Making Me Angry’ was tough for me to write. At the same time it brought back feelings of anger toward my personal experiences as a lone student behind a glass wall. Sadly, a lot of people who had read it felt I had offended them because my experiences were valid to me and not them. Somehow they felt I was being incredibly horrid because I have chosen a well-deserved path for myself. Let me make myself a little clearer, it’s MY path, and I need to do what is true for ME; I am not trying to convert anyone, just sharing my experiences and promulgating the Law.

I have written this post over and over, trying to figure out how to put my discoveries across. Obviously there are an awful lot of sensitive people out there, and they don’t stop and think about what it is they could be saying to me. Yes, I learnt witchcraft, and in some ways I still see myself using witchcraft in the future, and yes I finally graduated from the field of Wicca and I’m much happier. That is something people cannot seem to understand. Folks genuinely believe there is no existence beyond Wicca, nor do they feel that anything outside Wicca is right. The sad thing is, a lot of Neo-pagans today left Christianity for that same judgemental attitude. I also try to be one of the few occult practitioners who is trying to put the importance of words on the map, for example, witchcraft is a craft, and Wicca is a religion. Witchcraft is used by any religion or non-religious person(s).

If you found a better cooking method, based on methods from a bygone era, wouldn’t you follow those methods? Like keeping the tradition of cooking with your grandmothers recipe, rather than following a popular trend based on cooking from a box?

Folks have moaned in the past that Thelema is a new concept, sure. Aleister Crowley merely made it accessible for magick students. If you research Thelema itself, the philosophy goes as far back as ‘Gargantuan’ by Rabelais – at least from what I have read. It’s probably a whole lot older. The thing that I love most about my path is that I’m learning new things, having more physical experiences and I’m able to put all the amazing lessons I’ve learnt from witchcraft and the occult to good use.

I don’t feel like a stranger or someone who is odd. I still follow ancient Egyptian ideals with a Qabalah flow, whereas when I was practising Egyptian Wicca I had to make sure I turned Egyptian symbols into Wiccan ones. I would celebrate Wiccan holidays every year, with Wiccan symbols, but remember to make the Egyptian symbols comply. I didn’t feel comfortable. Why only two deities when all are a part of your very being? Why frown on things outside the circle when I hadn’t explored them? I was always a curious child, and I’ve always listened to my gut.

Why hadn’t there been more emphasis on modern ideals set on old symbols outside of western new age practices? It was a learning curve, and I was happy to do all the research and conversions for my own practices, which eventually lead me to just doing my own thing. When I would research particular symbols, the idea of the Universe, ascension and a solid philosophy with goal, I couldn’t find very much. Like most religions Wicca was based on much older practices, but unlike most, Wicca was diluted. The idea of casting a circle wasn’t a Wiccan concept, but when I researched various ways it could be done, I found them to be more in-depth, and they held symbols that I could never find within the confines of Wicca or Neo-Wicca. I didn’t mind. It annoyed me that I preached so highly about this path, yet in the long run it wouldn’t serve anything for my soul. I did my daily devotions – to what end? Discipline? I already had that. I wasn’t sure. I just didn’t fit the mould.

I recently tried to Wiccan-ise Thelemic holidays and failed. I just felt I wasn’t meant to. I have recently decided on not doing that anymore. A few people have stepped forward and given me their ideas and tips of how to combine Wicca with Thelema, but I prefer not to. If Wicca is based on Thelema, minus the other colours (other cultures and their practices) and sexuality freedoms (orientation and freedom), then I personally don’t feel the need to mix the two. I will happily practice witchcraft and the occult, but to my own ends, with a goal to work toward.

I experience and understand things unique to me, and others like me. I’m quite happy on my path. Lonely, but quite happy. If the universe wants me to grieve the process of moving onto the next chapter, then I will. It’s a process I have come to realise as life. I feel safe going into something considered the unknown, because it’s known to me and that’s all that counts. If I were to teach my child magick, I would teach them witchcraft and allow them to find the religious or spiritual path they choose to combine with it themselves.

I choose to live my life this way, and if it upsets you or you think terribly about me then that’s your prerogative. I’m working toward my True Will, and it’s a one seated vehicle. These feelings will not cease.

93s

In LVX 93, 93/93


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18 Months a Thelemite | Petty Stuff

“18 months? Really? Is that all?” – that’s what one friend wrote in a catch up email (plus I also find I prefer catch-ups, so I can get used to normal interaction). The fact that it’s only been 18 months makes me giddy with delight. It’s been tough, easy, tiresome and weary, but I am one happy young woman for it. A lot of folks who are new to Thelema like myself, follow my stuff in order to see one perspective. I also follow podcasts, blogs and learn from friends about their own perspectives on Thelema. All in the goodness of progress, and to gain further knowledge.

I have been using specific jargon, trying to teach myself gematria (considering I grew up part Jewish, it’s still not bloody easy…) and using Thelemic greetings on a daily basis. I did notice a few folks writing to me about certain small areas they were stuck on, so here are a few tiny bits I’ve learnt in order to feel and be a new Thelemite.

First and foremost, try not to be afraid. If you are curious about something, I am pretty sure someone has written something about it, so read it and see. Understand that you are in total control, so if you allow your fears and worries to stop you from progressing, be aware of that and note it down. Remember, it’s all progress and you have an awful lot of time to realise the person you are and the Will you must acknowledge. I’ve learnt a lot about myself, especially emotionally and physically that I didn’t pay much attention to, either because I didn’t know how or I lived in fear. I’m all better now that in working through those issues.

I was told, by many and via Crowley’s words that all you need to do is accept Liber AL vel Legis, and understand it by exercising your Will through Magickal practice and cleansing. It is also super helpful to read and study what you can, and note every tiny detail in a journal. One of my shortest pieces followed through as such:

“22/12/2012 23:42
Force read chapter 8 of ‘The Middle Pillar’ twice. Just to understand… I’m tired and the syntax is making me even more tired. Did LBRP earlier and feel fine… Still think something is present in this room. 93″

Looking back I can gladly state I felt the negative energies being “boxed up” as it were, since the more I practiced the LBRP the more acute my awareness became. Another petty point is the number 93. A lot of new folks use it without knowing what it means, and I’m speaking from experience. 93 is commonly used as a greeting between Thelemites to signify love and will, here’s how:
Θ = 9
ε = 5
λ = 30
η = 8
μ = 40
α = 1

Add all the numbers and it equals: 93!
Θελημα is Thelema written in Greek; it means Will.

Α = 1
γ = 3
α = 1
π = 80
η = 8

Add all the numbers and it equals: 93!
Αγαπη is Agape written in Greek; it means Love.

Two phrases are apparent, “Do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the law,” (AL 1:40) and “Love is the law, love under will” (AL 1:57), with a deep understand around the words “love” and “will”. The first verse has emphasis on the will of a person, and the second verse follows through with giving love and inspiring will. So when Thelemites greet one another they usually say “93!”, or “93s!” to encapsulate this. In letters/emails/texts, whether formal or not, it is known to write 93 at the beginning and the end. For me, I like the formal and informal way of writing:

Formal:
93,

Body of message.

93, 93/93

Informal:
93, (or to close friends who are in in the joke, 93 Peaches),

Body of message.

93s!

93 is also a visual reminder or symbol to the Thelemite to stay true to his path and be free within discipline; at least that is how I see it.

As mentioned before, I like to follow various authors and speakers on the matter of life as a Thelemite. One such person is located on the blog roll over there ↗️ Or ➡️… IAO131 (just google that). He has been someone who has not only inspired the way I allow myself to be more open minded, but he was recommended to me by Mr Vamp, and thus I have recommended his website and books to other people. Speech in the Silence and ThelemaNOW! are also great sources for the modern green bean, such as myself. So set out into the world and breathe deep; you are the centre if your universe.

Another useful tip when living life as a Thelemite which I found most useful, flash cards. Bloody write stuff on them and train your mind! They are heaven sent! Whoever invented them needs sainthood. I mean it! In the last 18 months, I would write stuff all over my journals, and it never occurred to me to use damn flash cards until a friend mentioned them. You learn something new everyday!

That’s all I can think of as super, super duper basics for now. I’ll think of other stuff in future.

93s folks!


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Take It All To Heart | Yoga and Chakra Regimen

The heart chakra is the centre point in the body as it holds up the three lower chakras that deal with grounding and materialistic themes, and at the same time the heart connects the lower three chakras with the upper three chakras, which deal with more spiritual themes. The heart chakra is a very important chakra, especially as it deals with more than hurt, heartbreak or desire. It needs balancing regularly, but with a little more attention. I find I bring mudras into the heart point – for example, when sitting in lotus with your hands in prayer position, you channel the energies of Kundalini from the base chakra up to the heart, through the nadis (channels) – which in turn send them up into the mind space, and back down again. The heart chakras build-up of seven chakra points. All with their own abilities. If you ever wonder why someone is driven mad by vengeance or revenge, it is because their 4th heart chakra – which deals with loneliness and angry feelings – is blocked. Or whenever you feel full of love and passion, you are balanced perfectly, or there is too much energy flowing through, which can unbalance the other 6 mini chakras of the heart.

Many yogis’ will instruct you to focus on asanas’ that open the heart area – one of my favourites that one of my yogi’s spent a long time teaching me was the eagle pose (awful pictures are due soon!). Another of my favourite poses are the thunderbolt asana (in any variation, including Crowley’s preferred variation) and the camel pose (even though I tend to equate this with swadhisthana and muladhara meditations). But, for the sake of meditation and grounding I have come across a few positions that have done the trick in the last few weeks are meant to be used either during, or after mantra meditation. I’m still testing them out myself because homesickness is currently living with me, and I have a ton of essays to turn in. Be aware, these are exercises given to me by one of my yogi’s, and other’s I have learnt from studying Maya Fiennes (yes, Voldemort’s sister-in-law).

 

Sitting Meditation

Advanced: Lotus;

Intermediate: Half lotus;

Beginner: Easy pose

Start in prayer position, with hands by your heart and begin a short pranayama exercise to prepare the body. One exercise I like is the simple breathing ferociously through your mouth, when in an “O” shape. This gets your heart rate up ever so slightly. Do this for 2+ minutes until you feel a little energised.  Raise your hands to the side or in front of you, or place the back of your hands on your knees. With the mantra “Sa-Ta-Na-Maa” make sure to touch each finger with your thumb one at a time. Say each syllable with each finger. Index fingers, “Sa”; middle fingers, “Ta”; ring fingers, “Na”; little fingers, “Ma”. Say it over and over until 10 minutes has gone, but as an expected rule for serious practitioners you must say each mantra 108 times if you have mala beads [note from my yogi].

 

Backbend asanas

I find following through with a normal yoga sequence, with the addition of either or all of the following asanas helps to strengthen the breath and concentration. Try to come to a meditative position with the following and recite mantra, or visualise symbols with similar connotations to the heart chakra or either of the lower or upper chakras:

Camel pose

Fish pose

Bridge pose

Thunderbolt pose (below)

These all open your chest area which helps force oxygen around the dark crevices. I have found that visualising the ankh at the centre of the heart chakras has meant I am focusing on becoming emotionally balanced whilst being more spiritually sound (as if preparing myself for much more valuable lessons from my HGA in the future – read the previous post).

 

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Have I Known All Along?

The more I study, and apply particular exercises and asanas with my own regimen, the more I realise that maybe I’ve been living my Will without actively noticing, or rather paying much attention to it? I’m sorry I’m so confused, and so many thoughts are rushing through my head about what I want to write, and what I shouldn’t and they are all becoming rather convoluted… Short-ish post today though.

Where's my head?!

I am studying the texts surrounding the HGA, but the more I do, the more I am confused I am about the process. I understand the HGA influences your life long before you are born, and I’ve always felt a strong desire to pursue certain goals, without really needing to attach other unnecessary options. The last few years have made it so my only focus is my life and living it well – the more I do this, the more lessons I learn, and the sharper my intuition has become. Maybe I’m just being silly, or maybe I’ve stumbled onto something, but I assumed the intuitive teachings/experiences I received in the past were subtle ways for my HGA to communicate with me. I’ve always known I had to keep in constant practice of cleansing myself through ritual in order to keep the line open. I’ve always known that if you happen to lose that connection, you wind up either having to start again or become stagnant; both of which aren’t too bad, considering it’s good to take a break once in a while, especially if you are vigilant with your daily routines during that time (a bit more is added below on this topic).

Looking back it seems I have been building my core up to become the vessel the HGA will eventually step into (does that make sense? It’s a weird day and I’ve got a headache from studying non-stop). My early days as a child witch have been the most profound as I knew something was guiding me, I just didn’t know what. The lessons and experiences I felt (some of which have left quite deep scars) have made me strong, and according to one friend I have embarked on the road to becoming that vessel. It’s nice to comprehend it, but I just feels strange not being able to fully understand it. Thelemites are taught rituals to not only cleanse the body, spiritual core and the sacred space but also to align yourself with your HGA. Over time, once you have learnt what you are supposed to, one of the most life changing ritualistic events will occur, which seeks to connect you directly with your HGA, who in turn will reveal things to you that only you will know. It’s a very personal and private moment – and some folks who have gone through this have described it as an initiation. Personally I cannot wait, but I need to understand the basics first!

I’ve always put trust into what I considered to be the Universe, and its little minion/teacher who has been with me all these years. It just becomes automatic, or second nature that I come across something and I’m nudged in that direction, but it isn’t until much later that I realise what has happened. Maybe I’m magickally slow? You could send me blessings and such and I won’t even realise unless you say so. Actually, no I think that’s just me in general :/

Hmm.

Breaks

As for breaks, a few folks have written to ask for advice on falling out of practice, what I do personally is detox myself both spiritually and physically. I stick to performing daily rituals like the LBRP and asana meditation. Liber Resh and other rituals I follow are relaxed, for example I follow Regardie’s version of Resh (in my archives) instead of following the strict solar timing. I sometimes change my diet according to how my fitness levels are, but that’s not necessary for everyone! Make sure to JOURNAL everything! Cleansing rituals are to be done every day, regardless of how you feel. If you happen to be busy, fair enough. There were times when I would be busy with a patient and I couldn’t just stop and perform Resh. The idea of these rituals is not only to cleanse, but also to practice magick properly, and develop the ideal magician.

If I were still Wiccan I would cut out all spells, and only focus on daily devotions and constantly worshipping the Gods. I would observe the sabbats as usual, but on a quieter level.

I would follow a similar method for when I was a witch, except I would focus more on the spirit, so aligning myself (meditation, yoga etc) with the Universe, and cleansing my body by detoxing my diet, I would also cut out the practice of spells and such and only continue daily devotions, until I felt better.

These are just my ideas so don’t follow them wholeheartedly, just think of them as guides to adapt and develop your own.


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Building a Better Yoga Regimen | Chakra Glory

The last few weeks have been quite insightful, as many of you know I’m building a fairly flexible magickal hygiene regimen. Now that I’m at university, it means I can allocate time to continue the LBRP and Regardie’s variation of Liber Resh (which is exactly the same, but without the strict solar times at all four points of the day; you can read it here). University life is busy, and my course is amazing so far. So many opportunities’ are waiting, and I also have a lovely amount of writing to do – which is perfect! Before I go off track, today’s post will build up over time, cascading across various posts as I build upon more knowledge and practice. It will centre around yoga, or rather the systems of yoga I adhere to, with a Thelemic edge – in the sense that I am referring to Crowley and Frater Achad’s ideas and practices with their own personal techniques. My studies with Thelema have pushed me back into Kundalini, with a deep focus on mantra yoga and chakra cleansing.

There are tons of ideas, conspiracies’ and rumours about Kundalini, as to why one should never practice it, but I for one am going to suggest you meet it face-to-face for yourself and ignore the preposterous crap out there. There are various forms of yoga that I would personally recommend, but for those of you wanting to read up on the spiritual side, seriously check out Swami Vivekananda, as well as Crowley.  One area that has always fascinated me were chakras. A lot of people around the world, and inside the spiritual community can read a book on the seven chakras from a New Age perspective and run around with a badge that says “Official Chakra Healer” – or something to that degree. I personally like to avoid those people, as I feel we all need to create a personal connection with what we should educate ourselves on. I like hearing other opinions, but I’m a stubborn brat – If I don’t study it for myself, there is no way in hell I’ll understand properly by attempting to feel it with your hands. The seven chakras need attention, but so do the many other areas of the body and psyche – and in order to experience this process fully I needed to do some good old research!

Looking at my personality I find I am a sensitive soul – that will never change according to my sidereal birth chart (moon in Leo for any sidereal astrologers out there) – and unfortunately I have a great sense of pride, loyalty and almost royal expectations from the people I meet. I am also a complex person, with the inability to connect with other human beings very well, even though I do try. My heart is sensitive – as I am an extremist with a desire to find love, yet I don’t trust people on a general level. Just in case you didn’t quite catch that, I’m a romantic reject, but a loveable and loyal friend until my anxiety shows me treason. Those are areas I need to work on for the betterment of my life, which is where the “highly spiritual,” element comes in – I have always had the ability to connect to the forces of the Universe very easily, and it has always been the one place I go when I need to detox, not just spiritually but physically too. I need to work on balancing my heart and head chakras, but I’m going to focus on building up a yoga routine around meditation in particular asanas’.

It won’t be easy – physically or emotionally, but the psychological effects will be most astounding. I guess, yoga in its most materialistic form is more than just connecting yourself to the Universe, or cleansing (which is similar to the Middle Pillar and LBRP exercises), it is about awakening. Awakening yourself spiritually, and more importantly waking yourself up and have a long hard look at yourself. People tend to go off on a tangent when practising asanas at the gym or assuming the spiritual life – they often forget themselves whilst running around trying to help others. There comes a point when all your focus becomes stagnant, or on the other hand, you are so full of energy that you eventually combust on yourself. I know a lot of people who do this, and I do it too, it’s called life. Buddha taught his followers about the Middle Way – a simple way to look at the two extremes in your life and work out how you should walk down the middle with ease. In this sense, I’m going to start formally practising my theory on yogic chakra work with the heart chakra. The heart chakra is built up of 7 main “mini chakra points” – each point is connected to various areas of the body, but the main chakra has 12 petals with their own functions. The heart chakra is the centre of the normal 7 points – and often it’s the chakra that is forgotten (unless you are a yogini or yogi). Most people want spiritual attainment and the ability to ground, when the heart chakra can do both at the same time. Believe me, you can’t find balance until you actually meet him.

chakras44


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I’m Just a Fool Walking These Paths

I had another look at Liber Oz, to see if it had any more ideas to give me. I tend to re-read old passages and study them with a fresh look before reading my old notes. It’s become a bit of a habit for me (do not judge; it’s my revision technique). The middle section of the declaration really stood out to me for the first time in a while, except this time on a personal level. The text I have copied up is only part of the document, and is as follows (hopefully the spelling is correct…):

  1. Man has the right to live by his own law—

to live in the way that he wills to do:
to work as he will:
to play as he will:
to rest as he will:
to die when and how he will.

  1. Man has the right to eat what he will:

to drink what he will:
to dwell where he will:
to move as he will on the face of the earth.

  1. Man has the right to think what he will:

to speak what he will:
to write what he will:
to draw, paint, carve, etch, mould, build as he will:
to dress as he will.

  1. Man has the right to love as he will:—

“take your fill and will of love as ye will,
when, where, and with whom ye will.” —AL. I. 51

  1. Man has the right to kill those who would thwart these rights.

 

I have always had the idea that you must just let people who they are. If you let them flourish, they will be the best they can when they are with you. At the same time, I saw this as a great form of advice that could be discussed in therapy sessions, in order to show the victim how not to be a victim, and also giving insight into the individual lives, ideals and pains that other people have; as a form of showing you that your pain isn’t just yours, but shared in different ways by all kinds of people. At the same time, it is exactly as it says on the tin – a declaration of man. There are other texts I have sort of “boxed together” that reaffirm my love of this text, such as Liber Tzaddi and not forgetting verses from Liber AL vel Legis, as well as others. Liber Oz is more than that. It’s personal, whilst being extremely universal.

Going back to my original objective, this new lesson has shown me something I hadn’t expected. The other side of the coin is the acceptance that you can’t be a fool and assume you can help people, or share information too freely. Some people are just ignorant, idiotic and rude when they find they are about to embark on a conversation with another person. The one thing that keeps me respectful, yet honest about who I am, is the shared understanding that we are all human. Of course, we are all Stars in the centre of our own universes, constantly colliding or flying into the orbit of other Stars we meet along the way, but for me Liber Oz is showing me the joy of that. Maybe not, it could just be that I’m young and still growing up, and becoming more mature as each day unfolds. Life is just full of surprises, but instead of brushing them off, sometimes it’s nice to say that at some point in your life you met and appreciated a wonderful teacher, or an idiot. I smile knowing I don’t understand people, and I truly refuse to try and wear a façade all the time.

Think of the Fool from the tarot, not in the popular manner of an idiot, but rather the silent master of secrets, the master of knowledge who refuses to share knowledge so openly or freely (for many reasons – most notably, the ideals that have been shared or practiced throughout history have shown that men in power are threatened by a revolt of the proles). Rather, this misunderstood being will show you the way if and when you are ready to embark on the first road. When the timing is right, you will learn things and see other things differently. At the moment the Fool is with me, reminding me that Liber Oz is opening itself in a manner I hadn’t reflected upon. Only the universe, and my silent teacher (my HGA) know what is needed for me to grow.

I wrote the following in my journal:

I have the right to be myself;

To laugh, to smile, to cry and play,

To be wise, intelligent and dull in any way I see fit,

To continue my creative pursuits as I see fit,

And not to let the words of other beings penetrate my shell.

I understand I cannot be nice all the time,

I must be respectful, honest and blunt.

In doing so, focus all of my attention on my true Will,

And complete the Great Work as the individual of my own standing.

(No more strings!)

 

One thing that did trigger off this theory again, was a conversation I had with a buddy. He checks in every so often to find out how my art projects are going, and it was actually quite sad to tell him I hadn’t picked up a sketch book in a very long time. Partly because of how my mind works – I like to draw thoughts if I can’t write them, but this past year studying Thelema has meant I have given up parts of myself in order to be more academic, and to follow suit. These days I am not bothered. Thank you JC.

I am off to doodle; I am the Fool!

496,

93, 93/93

fool


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The Slight Anger of Magickal Study

I would say I’m mostly positive about life and my spiritual ventures. I always have the importance of staying connected/keeping on track about everything I do. For me, and that of the life of the Egyptian Pharaoh, each day is a ritual. Everything I do must have an outcome that starts with me and ends with the continuous flow of emitting energies back into the great beyond. I know that sounds daft, but again, think of the Hermetic axiom “As above, so below; so below, as above.”

I have educated myself for years. I’ve seen things, heard things and even experienced amazing moments of understanding and clarity. These experiences have become a normal part of my life, so much so they became very private. I was in my own world, and I let my spiritual lessons take me where they needed me to go. I didn’t realise then that I was living out my life as a Star; being the centre of my own universe. I didn’t realise until recently that the times when I had failed at something I was beating myself up when I should have just got back up and started again sooner rather than later. Anything I did, was for me and me alone. I didn’t have any formal teachers, nor did I allow myself to describe minute details to people I had met over the years because I felt I just didn’t need to. It was around the long and dismal days, when I was trying to flush out Wicca from my system in order to have a long hard fresh look at myself that a deep seated anger began to grow. I became angry toward the practices I had learnt. I didn’t understand the methodology behind certain expectations and rituals, and even spells. I used to look at other people and wonder why they were having “out of this world” experiences, and then back at myself and wonder why I had such a theoretical brain. Why did some people see fairies and I couldn’t? Yet, even if I had worked out a way in which such visions could come to me, to what purpose would this help me find my way back to Adonai? Early on I developed the notion that each person has their own purpose in life – unfortunately some people have a need and desire to question and study everything thoroughly first, and that is also where my issue lies.

Without going into details as to why I cannot stand what Wicca has become, and how some of the people I have seen promoting it are fully aware what they are doing isn’t going to help someone become enlightened. I just get annoyed at myself for worrying during the days when I was one of tiny few who didn’t do very much magick because I felt I didn’t need to. In other words, I used to worry and fret that I wasn’t a good enough wiccan, pagan or witch because I didn’t see the logic in using magick for every little piece of misfortune that befell me – especially If I could sort it by myself without too much effort. When the occult finally opened its doors to me, I began to learn a lot about the universe, about the inner meanderings of the mind and the complexities of philosophy. My eyes were opened even wider, if those are the correct words to describe this feeling of aging. Why hadn’t I found this profound wisdom within the depths of Wicca, and a few other religions I tried my hand at. Why wasn’t there a stable maxim of its own creation? Thelema has the fundamental essays and books one should study hard, and never put down until death. I used to wish I could help folks see the world in a different light, make them open their eyes and smile at what they saw. These days I know I can’t, and I most probably won’t be able to as following something blindly without doing your own in-depth research is popular, and too normal for any development and change. Its sad, but that’s life. I’m just going through this phase in order to move forward. The anger has grown inside, but thankfully it is tame.

I have spent a great majority of my time studying and devouring all kinds of knowledge and truths. After practicing and testing out various methods for myself, it was normal for me to keep the lessons that stayed true in my heart and mind. I would put the lessons I didn’t need on the back burner, assuming I may need them in the future; these days I definitely don’t. It’s all part of growing up and evolving. So why then, is it that people who study as hard as I do wind up feeling angry about the long trip we had to take? Looking back I realise I had to go through all of that success and equal headache in order to get to where I am, and I understand that ten years from now I’ll probably curse 2013; who knows? I am still very used to studying hard, on my own. The few times I have asked for help I’m either totally ignored, or it is implied I shouldn’t ask anything. These day’s I freeze up when I come across something that baffles me, but its fine, I spent the first twelve years of my life finding the answers myself, so what’s another twelve? I’m I am proud once I find the answer, that’s for sure.

All I can say at this point is how tough stripping my old life will be. Brace yourselves – my new found confidence means I am not going to be reserved with my honesty. Things are changing, for the better.


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Magickal Items I’m Taking to University

As I’m trying to tie up the loose ends on my university supplies, stationary and halls items, it occurred to me I hadn’t drawn up a list of Magickal tools I’ll need. I can’t take everything, and there are a lot of books I will have to leave behind until Yule. I will only take the most important items, also noting that I may buy other items when I’m there as well. What items would you take with you? I’ve asked a few folks over the past few weeks, and the responses have been diverse. I’ve had time to think and thought I’d share this written mishmash of ideas! It’s been a long time coming!

Here is my comprehensive list of spiritual items I might be taking:

Tarot
I am only taking two of my thirty decks. The “Lo Scarabeo Tarot” and Crowley’s “Thoth Tarot”. The Lo Scarabeo tarot is a modern merging of three of the worlds most popular tarot, with beautiful Italian illustration and simple symbols. It’s a deck that is comprised of the Rider-Waite, Tarot de Marseilles and Thoth. I use this deck as one of my daily/weekly tools for personal divination. It may come in handy with a few students too. As for my beloved Thoth deck, it’s only used for the odd reading, meditation and Qabalah study.

Books
As far as books are concerned, they have been the main area of interest and inquiry. Partly because they are tomes of knowledge and I will miss them if they aren’t around for me to study from. Mostly because the house I’ll be leaving them in is heaven for the ignorant and closed minded – I would die if my aunt decided to hide or destroy them, like a few of my old ritual items from times past.

My original plan was to take the smaller version of Liber ABA – Regardie’s “Gems…” As it includes everything I need to know in a more immediate fashion, but I’m just too attached to my blue baby. So below is a small list of a few important books I’m taking, baring in mind I can change them every three months or so until I get my own place the following year.

▪Liber ABA
▪Liber AL vel Legis (I have so many copies of this bible, I really wouldn’t mind if it got lost! I have 8 now; excluding the printed copies within other publications)
▪Gems from the Equinox
▪Garden of Pomegranates
▪Middle Pillar
▪The Tree of Life
▪The Golden Dawn
▪The Complete Works of Aleister Crowley vol. I-III

Journals
All of my journals are coming with me! I write in them so damn much I’m already about to start my next brand new Moleskine for Conjurations and thoughts. Write! And write often folks!

▪Book of Conjurations
▪Book of Thoth
▪Book of Horus
▪Main journal

Ritual Items
Now, I don’t know all the rules of my halls yet so I’m not risking candles, my dagger or wands etc. however, I shall take a particular number of altar cloths to create scared space, and possibly a statue or two. I’ve moved from the stage of having a statue to represent deity in order to worship it, as my view of deity is that of the New Æon. I will also have a small vase with a fake red rose – hayfever issues.

Miscellaneous and Pagan Items
I will take a few crystals to keep balance, and my pink yoga mat! If there is a yoga class at the gym then I’ll be going, if not I’ll find one somewhere in the city – need to keep toned and spiritually connected yo’!

Music will be on my iPad, iPhone and laptop, which will range from the beautiful Deva Premal and Maya Fiennes right up to Beethoven, Demdike Stare and Rammstein. I have quite an eclectic taste in music, but rock is in my blood :P

I’m sure there is much more I could take, but I will see. My travel altar items need a massive reshape too!

Like I said, what would you take with you and why? So many people have so many different paths and experiences, and differing reasons for particular items. What keeps you spiritually connected? Let me know below.

In LVX 93, 93/93

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