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My Pagan Past | To What End?

The post I wrote titled ‘Mourning My Pagan Past is Making Me Angry’ was tough for me to write. At the same time it brought back feelings of anger toward my personal experiences as a lone student behind a glass wall. Sadly, a lot of people who had read it felt I had offended them because my experiences were valid to me and not them. Somehow they felt I was being incredibly horrid because I have chosen a well-deserved path for myself. Let me make myself a little clearer, it’s MY path, and I need to do what is true for ME; I am not trying to convert anyone, just sharing my experiences and promulgating the Law.

I have written this post over and over, trying to figure out how to put my discoveries across. Obviously there are an awful lot of sensitive people out there, and they don’t stop and think about what it is they could be saying to me. Yes, I learnt witchcraft, and in some ways I still see myself using witchcraft in the future, and yes I finally graduated from the field of Wicca and I’m much happier. That is something people cannot seem to understand. Folks genuinely believe there is no existence beyond Wicca, nor do they feel that anything outside Wicca is right. The sad thing is, a lot of Neo-pagans today left Christianity for that same judgemental attitude. I also try to be one of the few occult practitioners who is trying to put the importance of words on the map, for example, witchcraft is a craft, and Wicca is a religion. Witchcraft is used by any religion or non-religious person(s).

If you found a better cooking method, based on methods from a bygone era, wouldn’t you follow those methods? Like keeping the tradition of cooking with your grandmothers recipe, rather than following a popular trend based on cooking from a box?

Folks have moaned in the past that Thelema is a new concept, sure. Aleister Crowley merely made it accessible for magick students. If you research Thelema itself, the philosophy goes as far back as ‘Gargantuan’ by Rabelais – at least from what I have read. It’s probably a whole lot older. The thing that I love most about my path is that I’m learning new things, having more physical experiences and I’m able to put all the amazing lessons I’ve learnt from witchcraft and the occult to good use.

I don’t feel like a stranger or someone who is odd. I still follow ancient Egyptian ideals with a Qabalah flow, whereas when I was practising Egyptian Wicca I had to make sure I turned Egyptian symbols into Wiccan ones. I would celebrate Wiccan holidays every year, with Wiccan symbols, but remember to make the Egyptian symbols comply. I didn’t feel comfortable. Why only two deities when all are a part of your very being? Why frown on things outside the circle when I hadn’t explored them? I was always a curious child, and I’ve always listened to my gut.

Why hadn’t there been more emphasis on modern ideals set on old symbols outside of western new age practices? It was a learning curve, and I was happy to do all the research and conversions for my own practices, which eventually lead me to just doing my own thing. When I would research particular symbols, the idea of the Universe, ascension and a solid philosophy with goal, I couldn’t find very much. Like most religions Wicca was based on much older practices, but unlike most, Wicca was diluted. The idea of casting a circle wasn’t a Wiccan concept, but when I researched various ways it could be done, I found them to be more in-depth, and they held symbols that I could never find within the confines of Wicca or Neo-Wicca. I didn’t mind. It annoyed me that I preached so highly about this path, yet in the long run it wouldn’t serve anything for my soul. I did my daily devotions – to what end? Discipline? I already had that. I wasn’t sure. I just didn’t fit the mould.

I recently tried to Wiccan-ise Thelemic holidays and failed. I just felt I wasn’t meant to. I have recently decided on not doing that anymore. A few people have stepped forward and given me their ideas and tips of how to combine Wicca with Thelema, but I prefer not to. If Wicca is based on Thelema, minus the other colours (other cultures and their practices) and sexuality freedoms (orientation and freedom), then I personally don’t feel the need to mix the two. I will happily practice witchcraft and the occult, but to my own ends, with a goal to work toward.

I experience and understand things unique to me, and others like me. I’m quite happy on my path. Lonely, but quite happy. If the universe wants me to grieve the process of moving onto the next chapter, then I will. It’s a process I have come to realise as life. I feel safe going into something considered the unknown, because it’s known to me and that’s all that counts. If I were to teach my child magick, I would teach them witchcraft and allow them to find the religious or spiritual path they choose to combine with it themselves.

I choose to live my life this way, and if it upsets you or you think terribly about me then that’s your prerogative. I’m working toward my True Will, and it’s a one seated vehicle. These feelings will not cease.

93s

In LVX 93, 93/93


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Mourning My Pagan Past is Making Me Angry

This will be a super weird post, as it’s something I haven’t thought about too thoroughly. However, it does revolve around my personal education as a magician and Thelemite. More than ever, it’s a lifelong lesson I know I must endure, and it’s a very personal one at that. These last few posts have seen me looking at my past as I’m currently analysing what has happened. I guess I’m preparing myself for an in depth chapter of my life, which I feel will be part of the making of my character.

Most people come to a point in life when they’ve made a positive, and drastic change to their lifestyle and their beliefs especially. I am no exception to that prevailing device. When I made the decision to stop being Christian and Jewish I was young and didn’t mind. The transition was fairly easy, looking back. I was a preteen with a big ambition, a big heart and a love for something more than what I was brought up to believe. I knew something bigger was out there, I just didn’t know what. It was around that tender age that my God complex and base philosophical ideals started to show signs of development. G-d was something more.

When. I found witchcraft everything seemed fine. Sure, I had to keep my books and tools a total secret but that’s all part of the journey. Later came Wicca, and I made a nice comfy seat inside the broom closet. I learnt a lot about the general basics of witchcraft, and learnt the observances and religious ideals from Wicca. Again, my deep roots within philosophy and questioning were quite apparent, and soon I found the roadblocks and hypocrisy within a free religion that revealed no freedom, and it didn’t teach me about ascension – don’t get me wrong, it’s a lovely path, but I hated staying in one place and blaming myself for it.

The denial and the pressure to conform to an ideal that wasn’t actually ideal made life difficult. I wanted to be part of something true, as I made a ton of friends, but for me it wasn’t something that sat well within my heart. I put all my intentions into the universe and it replied by sending me down other paths whilst continuing to carry the Wiccan flag. This continued until the occult made herself known, and especially until I found Thelema.

The transition I’ve gone through in the last year has meant I have seen and experienced things I had never thought truly possible. The philosophy of Thelema, Hermeticism and such alike have really shaken my foundation. It’s good to have the odd shake once in a while – it really forces you to stop and just smell the coffee. I found I would ask myself each week what I believed and why. Some of my occult ad pagan buddies found my new found home quite intriguing, and thus I felt I could open up. Some have actually requested titles I have enjoyed, and I have been generous in recommending all kinds of material around Thelema and the occult. A few friends have actually turned to Thelema as it serves as a foolproof philosophy that instills freedom, rigidity and a truly personal connection to the universe. There is a goal to not only achieve, but it also shows a lot of people the truth about who they are. Maybe I’m wrong, but without Thelema I wouldn’t have reached the plateau I have.

I’m unable to fully accept the amount of anger that grew once I began studying harder. The unfulfilled and empty wishes. In fact, I stopped performing spells years back, and stuck with ritualised formulas instead. I’ll probably make space to perform small spells in the future… Maybe not. My transition was mostly positive, but boy I felt like I screwed myself terribly during my “denial days”. To this day I’m still weary of practices from my past, especially as such practices are on the rise. My toughest life lesson is following Liber LXXVII so wholeheartedly. At first glance it looks so easy, and once explained makes a whole lot of sense, but the more I look at it the more my past rears it’s ugly head.

Is that normal? To feel disdain toward the unfulfilling elements of my past? I’m shocked by how angry I am toward it all. I assume it’s some kind of purge? I have this annoying trait which means I want to help everyone – I know I can’t. But the idea of just letting someone fall without even attempting to help them bothers me. I’m a big softie! People are free to do as they please, especially if they are happy as they are. I have no right to show them any other way. It’s how their life is supposed to run. Sometimes that’s a great reminder to just stay out, but sometimes it’s a painful thing to watch.

It’s a lifelong lesson all right. I guess what I’m trying to point out also, is the fact that you must stay rigid even when you feel utterly sour and useless. Sometimes you have to “lay back and just let people walk all over you as it’s their Will,” as one friend wrote me recently (thank you). When do you stand up for yourself, without shoving your beliefs down their neck? It’s all rather complex and simple all at the same time.

That’s all I can think if right now, but I am thinking about how to approach the very sensitive issue of Wicca from a Thelemic point of view without offending all Wiccans’ or pagans. Maybe that’s another ponder post for the future.

I haven’t been making a great deal of sense with my musings or theories. I just hope I figure it all out soon!


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Take It All To Heart | Yoga and Chakra Regimen

The heart chakra is the centre point in the body as it holds up the three lower chakras that deal with grounding and materialistic themes, and at the same time the heart connects the lower three chakras with the upper three chakras, which deal with more spiritual themes. The heart chakra is a very important chakra, especially as it deals with more than hurt, heartbreak or desire. It needs balancing regularly, but with a little more attention. I find I bring mudras into the heart point – for example, when sitting in lotus with your hands in prayer position, you channel the energies of Kundalini from the base chakra up to the heart, through the nadis (channels) – which in turn send them up into the mind space, and back down again. The heart chakras build-up of seven chakra points. All with their own abilities. If you ever wonder why someone is driven mad by vengeance or revenge, it is because their 4th heart chakra – which deals with loneliness and angry feelings – is blocked. Or whenever you feel full of love and passion, you are balanced perfectly, or there is too much energy flowing through, which can unbalance the other 6 mini chakras of the heart.

Many yogis’ will instruct you to focus on asanas’ that open the heart area – one of my favourites that one of my yogi’s spent a long time teaching me was the eagle pose (awful pictures are due soon!). Another of my favourite poses are the thunderbolt asana (in any variation, including Crowley’s preferred variation) and the camel pose (even though I tend to equate this with swadhisthana and muladhara meditations). But, for the sake of meditation and grounding I have come across a few positions that have done the trick in the last few weeks are meant to be used either during, or after mantra meditation. I’m still testing them out myself because homesickness is currently living with me, and I have a ton of essays to turn in. Be aware, these are exercises given to me by one of my yogi’s, and other’s I have learnt from studying Maya Fiennes (yes, Voldemort’s sister-in-law).

 

Sitting Meditation

Advanced: Lotus;

Intermediate: Half lotus;

Beginner: Easy pose

Start in prayer position, with hands by your heart and begin a short pranayama exercise to prepare the body. One exercise I like is the simple breathing ferociously through your mouth, when in an “O” shape. This gets your heart rate up ever so slightly. Do this for 2+ minutes until you feel a little energised.  Raise your hands to the side or in front of you, or place the back of your hands on your knees. With the mantra “Sa-Ta-Na-Maa” make sure to touch each finger with your thumb one at a time. Say each syllable with each finger. Index fingers, “Sa”; middle fingers, “Ta”; ring fingers, “Na”; little fingers, “Ma”. Say it over and over until 10 minutes has gone, but as an expected rule for serious practitioners you must say each mantra 108 times if you have mala beads [note from my yogi].

 

Backbend asanas

I find following through with a normal yoga sequence, with the addition of either or all of the following asanas helps to strengthen the breath and concentration. Try to come to a meditative position with the following and recite mantra, or visualise symbols with similar connotations to the heart chakra or either of the lower or upper chakras:

Camel pose

Fish pose

Bridge pose

Thunderbolt pose (below)

These all open your chest area which helps force oxygen around the dark crevices. I have found that visualising the ankh at the centre of the heart chakras has meant I am focusing on becoming emotionally balanced whilst being more spiritually sound (as if preparing myself for much more valuable lessons from my HGA in the future – read the previous post).

 

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Building a Better Yoga Regimen | Chakra Glory

The last few weeks have been quite insightful, as many of you know I’m building a fairly flexible magickal hygiene regimen. Now that I’m at university, it means I can allocate time to continue the LBRP and Regardie’s variation of Liber Resh (which is exactly the same, but without the strict solar times at all four points of the day; you can read it here). University life is busy, and my course is amazing so far. So many opportunities’ are waiting, and I also have a lovely amount of writing to do – which is perfect! Before I go off track, today’s post will build up over time, cascading across various posts as I build upon more knowledge and practice. It will centre around yoga, or rather the systems of yoga I adhere to, with a Thelemic edge – in the sense that I am referring to Crowley and Frater Achad’s ideas and practices with their own personal techniques. My studies with Thelema have pushed me back into Kundalini, with a deep focus on mantra yoga and chakra cleansing.

There are tons of ideas, conspiracies’ and rumours about Kundalini, as to why one should never practice it, but I for one am going to suggest you meet it face-to-face for yourself and ignore the preposterous crap out there. There are various forms of yoga that I would personally recommend, but for those of you wanting to read up on the spiritual side, seriously check out Swami Vivekananda, as well as Crowley.  One area that has always fascinated me were chakras. A lot of people around the world, and inside the spiritual community can read a book on the seven chakras from a New Age perspective and run around with a badge that says “Official Chakra Healer” – or something to that degree. I personally like to avoid those people, as I feel we all need to create a personal connection with what we should educate ourselves on. I like hearing other opinions, but I’m a stubborn brat – If I don’t study it for myself, there is no way in hell I’ll understand properly by attempting to feel it with your hands. The seven chakras need attention, but so do the many other areas of the body and psyche – and in order to experience this process fully I needed to do some good old research!

Looking at my personality I find I am a sensitive soul – that will never change according to my sidereal birth chart (moon in Leo for any sidereal astrologers out there) – and unfortunately I have a great sense of pride, loyalty and almost royal expectations from the people I meet. I am also a complex person, with the inability to connect with other human beings very well, even though I do try. My heart is sensitive – as I am an extremist with a desire to find love, yet I don’t trust people on a general level. Just in case you didn’t quite catch that, I’m a romantic reject, but a loveable and loyal friend until my anxiety shows me treason. Those are areas I need to work on for the betterment of my life, which is where the “highly spiritual,” element comes in – I have always had the ability to connect to the forces of the Universe very easily, and it has always been the one place I go when I need to detox, not just spiritually but physically too. I need to work on balancing my heart and head chakras, but I’m going to focus on building up a yoga routine around meditation in particular asanas’.

It won’t be easy – physically or emotionally, but the psychological effects will be most astounding. I guess, yoga in its most materialistic form is more than just connecting yourself to the Universe, or cleansing (which is similar to the Middle Pillar and LBRP exercises), it is about awakening. Awakening yourself spiritually, and more importantly waking yourself up and have a long hard look at yourself. People tend to go off on a tangent when practising asanas at the gym or assuming the spiritual life – they often forget themselves whilst running around trying to help others. There comes a point when all your focus becomes stagnant, or on the other hand, you are so full of energy that you eventually combust on yourself. I know a lot of people who do this, and I do it too, it’s called life. Buddha taught his followers about the Middle Way – a simple way to look at the two extremes in your life and work out how you should walk down the middle with ease. In this sense, I’m going to start formally practising my theory on yogic chakra work with the heart chakra. The heart chakra is built up of 7 main “mini chakra points” – each point is connected to various areas of the body, but the main chakra has 12 petals with their own functions. The heart chakra is the centre of the normal 7 points – and often it’s the chakra that is forgotten (unless you are a yogini or yogi). Most people want spiritual attainment and the ability to ground, when the heart chakra can do both at the same time. Believe me, you can’t find balance until you actually meet him.

chakras44


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I’m Just a Fool Walking These Paths

I had another look at Liber Oz, to see if it had any more ideas to give me. I tend to re-read old passages and study them with a fresh look before reading my old notes. It’s become a bit of a habit for me (do not judge; it’s my revision technique). The middle section of the declaration really stood out to me for the first time in a while, except this time on a personal level. The text I have copied up is only part of the document, and is as follows (hopefully the spelling is correct…):

  1. Man has the right to live by his own law—

to live in the way that he wills to do:
to work as he will:
to play as he will:
to rest as he will:
to die when and how he will.

  1. Man has the right to eat what he will:

to drink what he will:
to dwell where he will:
to move as he will on the face of the earth.

  1. Man has the right to think what he will:

to speak what he will:
to write what he will:
to draw, paint, carve, etch, mould, build as he will:
to dress as he will.

  1. Man has the right to love as he will:—

“take your fill and will of love as ye will,
when, where, and with whom ye will.” —AL. I. 51

  1. Man has the right to kill those who would thwart these rights.

 

I have always had the idea that you must just let people who they are. If you let them flourish, they will be the best they can when they are with you. At the same time, I saw this as a great form of advice that could be discussed in therapy sessions, in order to show the victim how not to be a victim, and also giving insight into the individual lives, ideals and pains that other people have; as a form of showing you that your pain isn’t just yours, but shared in different ways by all kinds of people. At the same time, it is exactly as it says on the tin – a declaration of man. There are other texts I have sort of “boxed together” that reaffirm my love of this text, such as Liber Tzaddi and not forgetting verses from Liber AL vel Legis, as well as others. Liber Oz is more than that. It’s personal, whilst being extremely universal.

Going back to my original objective, this new lesson has shown me something I hadn’t expected. The other side of the coin is the acceptance that you can’t be a fool and assume you can help people, or share information too freely. Some people are just ignorant, idiotic and rude when they find they are about to embark on a conversation with another person. The one thing that keeps me respectful, yet honest about who I am, is the shared understanding that we are all human. Of course, we are all Stars in the centre of our own universes, constantly colliding or flying into the orbit of other Stars we meet along the way, but for me Liber Oz is showing me the joy of that. Maybe not, it could just be that I’m young and still growing up, and becoming more mature as each day unfolds. Life is just full of surprises, but instead of brushing them off, sometimes it’s nice to say that at some point in your life you met and appreciated a wonderful teacher, or an idiot. I smile knowing I don’t understand people, and I truly refuse to try and wear a façade all the time.

Think of the Fool from the tarot, not in the popular manner of an idiot, but rather the silent master of secrets, the master of knowledge who refuses to share knowledge so openly or freely (for many reasons – most notably, the ideals that have been shared or practiced throughout history have shown that men in power are threatened by a revolt of the proles). Rather, this misunderstood being will show you the way if and when you are ready to embark on the first road. When the timing is right, you will learn things and see other things differently. At the moment the Fool is with me, reminding me that Liber Oz is opening itself in a manner I hadn’t reflected upon. Only the universe, and my silent teacher (my HGA) know what is needed for me to grow.

I wrote the following in my journal:

I have the right to be myself;

To laugh, to smile, to cry and play,

To be wise, intelligent and dull in any way I see fit,

To continue my creative pursuits as I see fit,

And not to let the words of other beings penetrate my shell.

I understand I cannot be nice all the time,

I must be respectful, honest and blunt.

In doing so, focus all of my attention on my true Will,

And complete the Great Work as the individual of my own standing.

(No more strings!)

 

One thing that did trigger off this theory again, was a conversation I had with a buddy. He checks in every so often to find out how my art projects are going, and it was actually quite sad to tell him I hadn’t picked up a sketch book in a very long time. Partly because of how my mind works – I like to draw thoughts if I can’t write them, but this past year studying Thelema has meant I have given up parts of myself in order to be more academic, and to follow suit. These days I am not bothered. Thank you JC.

I am off to doodle; I am the Fool!

496,

93, 93/93

fool


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Liber Resh, Exercise and Feeling Good

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Im sure I’ve published my current routine for each day? If I have, meh, it’s been edited a tiny bit since. I developed this format in order to keep in concordance of my Will. It might help if you develop your own regimen for the sake of practice, discipline and spiritual awareness. Hopefully it will be okay.

Daily Routine for Days Off

Dawn
🔹Perform first Resh or first Adoration – 5 minutes

Midday
🔹Perform second Resh or second Adoration – 5 minutes
🔹Core workout/core yoga routine – 10–30 minutes
🔹Sun salutation/Warrior sequence – 10–30 minutes

🔸End midday session with Kundalini meditation and/or mantra – 10-30 minutes

Sunset
🔹Third Resh or third Adoration – 5 minutes

🔸End sunset session with meditation and/or mantra

Bedtime
🔺Perform fourth Adoration 4 or wait until midnight – 5 minutes

Midnight
🔻If no bedtime adoration is performed then complete the cycle with the fourth Resh – 5 minutes

Working/Study Days

Dawn
🔹First Adoration – 5 minutes

Midday
🔹Second Adoration – 5 minutes

Sunset
🔹Third Adoration – 5 minutes

🔸End session with mantra and LBRP – 10–30 minutes

Bedtime
🔹Fourth Adoration – 5 minutes

My yoga routines are pretty simple, but luckily I can look up a sequence or two on YouTube and get my trainer involved. Other times I just learn whatever routines I can when I go to an hour session at the gym. I have a lot of books and magazines that cover various areas of yoga, so remembering why, how and what benefits are available per asana is easy to come by.

I have two main core workouts that are focused on my back and balance. I also adopted the following “Before Shower Exercise” to continue to push the blood flow around my body.

50 jumping jacks
5 push-ups
20 crunches
20 mountain climbers
30 second plank

After you perform Resh, ideally your body should send you into that phase of meditation. It’s mentioned in Liber ABA that after each adoration, you are supposed to ground yourself. For me the urge is a bright and positive feeling so I ground by meditation and exercise.

You just feel great once you enter that phase of mind. I think performing Resh has also helped me lose weight — but I think that’s because my solitary regimen goes hand in hand with exercise, and a healthy diet.

Some folks have said that once you perform Resh properly two things happen, 1) “You can say goodbye to a normal sleep pattern” mentioned by Mr Vamp, and 2) It becomes second nature.

Enjoy the Tara Stiles Core Strength video here.

In LVX 93s x


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Health Benefits of Liber Resh vel Helios

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I know how that sounds – health? Really? Silly Sy. No need to be disappointed, but I’ve been thinking about a theory around many of the rituals I’ve been practicing. I guess you can call this short (and probably meaningless) post another treatise on why I love ceremonial magick.

When I first started practising the Four Adorations (a time loose variation of the full Resh) I kept noting how I felt warm and fuzzy. The importance of noting down little things that may seem unnecessary can often build up a picture of peace or change within the mindset of the person experiencing these changes. I would write the odd notes at the start of my daily posts saying something like, “Feel great! Feel more alert and aware of things around me – almost like the end meditations after Kundalini practice.” Often I would note what I had to eat or drink just before or after the Resh assuming my intake may have contributed to my sudden alertness and inspirational boost. For some reason, similar to performing the LBRP, I just felt amazing.

When I started performing Resh properly, according to the solar time I started to work out a plan for my days off and days I would spend at work. They were only an outline that I expected to improve over time once I started university properly. So far they have worked perfectly! Not only have my visualisation skills improved, and my sensitivity to the slightest increase or decrease to energies within me and around me been fine tuned, but I feel an even more positive – ["positive" being the wrong word... I mean something else, but cannot think what?] – connection between me and the Universe as a whole – me, finally embarking on my journey with Malkuth. Maybe I’m wrong? I’m not sure, but I feel awake for sure. I am sure of one thing, yoga and physical rituals push blood to places it rarely sees on a daily basis. This helps oxygen reach those nooks and crannies, which adds to the feeling of weightlessness and accomplishment at the end of each hourly workout or session. Obviously Resh does not take a bloody hour, but you get my drift. You are exercising your mind (visualisation) and your body (vibration, speaking and the signs), which in turn gets oxygen flowing and goes full loop by sending more oxygen to the muscle and brain. It’s beautiful. I have been able to note the effects when I tried to put myself under a weeks worth of not practicing. By day 5 I was ready to give up and start again as I felt awful, muggy and just generally off. Everything was a dull grey and I just wanted to lay down all the time. Ew.

I’m automatically up just before the morning Resh, and when the other times approach it’s as if my body just sends a load of blood rushing around my body, to I guess wake myself up in preparation of performing. I have felt inspired to really sort my body out again over the last few months, and Resh and the LBRP with a dash of meditation, dance, yoga and a change in diet have all helped me. I wasn’t lying when I said Thelemites’ are sexy creatures.

Either later on, or tomorrow I’ll post up my regimen, plus a small breakdown of my current work out. As for my diet, I went Vegan for a fortnight to flush/detox my body in order to “start again”. I’m just your average misunderstood vegetarian – love animals but I’m not a fanatic carnivore hater, I love leather and Dr Martens to much – I just don’t eat meat because it tastes icky, that’s all.

That’s all for now, in LVX 93s Peaches!


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Liber DCCCLX – John St. John and Me

Aleister Crowley

Aleister Crowley

Take this as a very short post, and an explanation to the rather odd post from earlier this month.

I bought a copy of James Wasserman’s book ‘Aleister Crowley and the Practice of the Magical Diary’, which included diary excerpts collected together by the prophet himself in a volume entitled ‘John St. John’. Also included were written pieces from Frater Achad’s collection ‘Liber CLXV Master of the Temple’. As part of my solitary foundation process, I felt as though this book found its way into my basket at the right time. I haven’t read the whole book yet, so no in depth reviews, and no spoilers.

Though not a detailed summary of his daily workings, John St. John is a wonderful example of how one should keep track of their progress and experiments. Most writers in general have a journal, diary or notebook of some kind, wherein they write their innermost thoughts and random quotations they conjure up. I definitely do, for many reasons. For the sake of my attainment I have kept a working journal, but only recently I have started to write much more personal ideas and feelings. Whenever I feel off about something I used to just ignore it, or write a quick note in my normal journal without any thought that perhaps it’s a vital lesson I must learn from. These days I find I write tiny entries on the cards I’ve pulled that day for my main magical diary – only to write a full report in my Book of Thoth. It’s become a rather welcome habit. The main outcome for these disciplined practices would centre on my discovery of various methods, themes and ideals I can test. My old journals have been covered in words and symbols since I started working magick, so this whole concept is not new for me; what is new, is Crowley’s set up or structure for his works. Like most writers or journalists, small notes are important, but for me I’ve never been a keen one for taking short cuts as my memory is awful and my anxiety does not allow me to “come back later” – I need to do whatever task it is right away, especially if it concerns writing and creativity.

The last post was an excerpt from my main magical journal, which is actually part of a small experiment I am trying for a month – the continuous and rigorous practice of meditation and adorations everyday for a week, then off just to note the differences in performance, energy and such alike. All I can say for now, is a I attempted a smaller operation last month spanning a fortnight and I found quite a shocking (and psychological and physiological) change. I hope to explore my experiment more, and share what little information I am willing to share on here. For now, my solitary foundation process (as I am now calling it) is still in its early stages, and I am currently working on diet changes, fitness and more writing. Building a regimen is incredibly important for me, otherwise I will lose focus and fall by the wayside – focus.

For those of you who are new to performing Liber Resh or the Four Adorations, try and start reading chapter one on the essays of yoga that Crowley wrote (here) and start John St. John (here – pretend we are reading together!)

93 Peaches!


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How I Promulgate the Law

I’m still very new to Thelema, but over the years I have had a weird desire to write about my experiences as a practitioner of witchcraft and the occult. As you see, I have a blog and a YouTube channel that I dedicate time to share information and learn things. I buy and review books when I can, recommend titles and have been writing manuscripts for my future works. None of them are perfect, nor do they follow a particular method and I’m only one person living this life.

I have met a lots of people either through Instagram, Facebook, YouTube and Twitter purely on the basis of a mutual respect for the occult or Aleister Crowley. None of us follow the same path, but we are inquisitive folks who want to be happy. One way I have made someone aware of my beliefs is my therapist – as many of you now know. Thanks to me he now owns The Book of the Law and Moonchild. He’s not religious or anything but he likes philosophy and these books are great. I also use particular verses from Liber AL and the Equinoxes to reaffirm ideas or queries friends are having trouble with. They aren’t Thelemites, but I give them my two pennies so they know that universal Law isn’t prohibited.

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I’m a lover of tattoos, and have always been in love with them since I was small. Growing up we had friends of the family who were either tattooists or were covered head to toe in art. I grew up knowing one day I would get something meaningful and beautiful. Recently I got two tattoos. One of the Ankh with a tiny unicursal hexagram inside the bony triangle, and two weeks ago a bigger unicursal hexagram. I’m also quite vain, so now I’m doing more selfies with an arm that has grown out of my neck! People have stopped to ask me what it is and why I have it. Luckily, I meet an awful lot of relatives of the patients I nurse and they always gawp at my designs. Most of my tattoos are spiritual obviously pertaining to my path and what builds me as a person, and I find that I’m able to explain what they mean and thusly what Thelema and occult have done for me. They are usually quite shocked that their preconceived notions are false – usually they suddenly feel a great deal of trust for me too which is great.

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The only way I can promulgate the Law as a solitary practitioner is by my blog and YouTube (and the relentless selfies).

Short post! I just felt inspired after an old video from Frater Oz. also check out the recent podcast from Speech in the Silence too!

93 Peaches!


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Four of My Current Magick Journals

I haven’t done an update in years! At least, not on this blog anyway, so I figured I would dive in and briefly present my madness and obsession with organisation with you all. I have kept journals since I was small, ever since I could write full sentences’ without any proper writing style. I used to write made up spells in a made up language, and draw magick circles before I even knew Magick existed. I find journaling to be both therapeutic and educational as they keep me up to date with my living progress. I have many journals for all kinds of subjects from cooking, wine, travel, poetry, tea, herbal stuffs, mantra and dreams. For now, these are my latest editions and current babies.

Below are four Moleskine journals, from left to right: Secret diary, Book of Horus, Book of Thoth/Tahuti and my Book of Conjurations.

Some of Sy Calaelen's  magick journals

Some of Sy Calaelen’s magick journals

Secret Diary

This journal is for my general thoughts, feelings, events and daily creative musings. Some of the entries have a spiritual theme but others don’t, like my shopping lists and haul pages located in the back. Some of the lists are mostly around books I own and have bought, and other titles I need, and other media genres such as CDs, vinyl’s, sewing/knitting supplies and altar supplies. I also include general card readings for myself in which I use to keep my life in sync. I have photos, poetry and short stories inside, alongside my daily emotional issues and feelings of joy. Love letters to men I’ve always wanted to talk to, but never ever have the chance to, so I keep these musings to myself. I’ve always loved the idea of letting my future family read them, just to see what I was like before settling down. This is just a general journal, but a secret one. This current book is Secret Diary #23.

Book of Horus

This journal consists of my personal study of each verse within The Book of the Law (Liber AL vel Legis). Each verse has a page, written in red, with a running commentary beneath in black. I am precise about the colours I write in as the method of this journal is to update it yearly in blue. Every other year or moment I get after two years I can alternate between black and blue to track my progress. I have a file set up on my computer with the same method, but I prefer the feel of a pen to a page, plus I can add my private thoughts without the worry of breaking the book or having any pages corrupted. A friend did ask me what would happen when I fill up some pages over others and the answer is simple, I would just buy another Moleskine and start again. Other times, especially if it happens to surround one or five particular verses that have a great impact, I will write essays’ on them inside my Book of Conjurations instead and link it as thus at the bottom of those pages.

My exploration of Liber AL has been amazing. Mostly positive and awe inspiring, and other times I feel a sudden charge of emotion just rise up in me. I had suggested purely on a whim to Mr. Vamp that it would be a lovely idea for Weiser Inc to publish greeting cards around Thelemic holidays, and general holidays for Thelemites and occultists. For example, around Valentines you could give your lover a card that reads “Every man and every woman is a star” or at birthdays “For pure will, unassuaged of purpose, delivered from the lust of result, is every way perfect”. Just a mad idea I may start doing with close friends once I acquire addresses – but one that could be frowned upon.

BoH #1

Book of Thoth/Tahuti

This journal is for my in depth study of Crowley’s Thoth tarot. I must point out, I have read general tarot since I was a pre-teen so I know the difference between general readings and spiritual/psychological readings. I’ve always been more of an amateur psycho-analyser with various decks, and have on many occasions been in situations where people have tried to dissuade me or put me down only to fall onto their own traps. I’m actually not that bad, as far as intelligence is concerned.

There are a few monthly exercises I am currently working on as far as tarot and Qabalah are concerned thanks to Regardie, and a method I came up with. Each page has a date, time of beginning and one card. I will work with that card for a week or so, and then end each entry with the date and time. Working with cards can result in various methods and outcomes, for me I focus on the psychology and visualisation. On some other pages, with code words and the card(s) written in red, I list the message or lesson I am being taught. It’s a pretty basic journal, nothing too exciting, but it keeps me focused on this part of my journey. BoT #1

Book of Conjurations

This journal has a funny name, taken from Book 4 from the chapter about the Book of Conjurations in Part 2. I may come up with another title, but for now it is a constant reminder to stay focused on my path, but it may take a while as I have changed the name of these particular journals too many times. This journal has essays’ written by myself, quotations from book or blogs,  illustrations, formulae, quick notes, talismans and sigils I have used successfully in the past, alphabets, poetry, photos and much more. I treat this journal more like the ‘magickal twin’ of my secret diary, with a lot more emphasis on magick and the occult sciences. This book contains extensions of posts from my videos, or from here, or even entries written in other journals. Again, like my secret diary I have lists upon lists, upon lists, upon lists located in the back, alongside little protective charms drawn on paper in the pocket. I’m sure it sounds funny, but I do put a protective seal in my journals in places people would hopefully skip past without realising. This journal is my baby! Hopefully one of the places I turn to if I finally find a publisher and a new agent, to grab information from for a book on Qabalistic magick and the occult. BoC #8

If you follow me on Instagram, I do post the odd illustration here and there. (Located in the sidebar there).

 

Check out my Holy Calendar – to see a snippet of two or three pages.

A little information on the Moleskine journals

I love my Moleskine journals – yes, I am a huge fan of Moleskine and their products which is why I happily recommend people to at least have a look at a few on their website or at your local book/stationary store. My journals are all Ruled Black/Red Notebooks – Large, 290 pages of acid free paper, cardboard bound cover with rounded corners with an expandable inner pocket with the history of Moleskine. They can be pricey, but for what they are worth, they are a bargain! Of course you can just buy the dupes, or a totally different kind of journal to store your life’s progress. I just love to write, and thankfully it’s a gift I intend to perfect.

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